Hi guys,
Today's entire post was written from the dentist office. I was in for a deeep cleaning. When they did that to my Sebring, it was $450.00. This is more. And I have to go back next week to do the other side. I have two fears. I have an entirely rational fear of heights. Now fear of lime jello would be silly. But you can get hurt or seriously killed from messing around with heights. Here's how it goes with me. When I am up high, like at the top of a light house or the edge of a cliff, it's as if there is a vacuum drawing me into the endless shaft of air. Well not quite endless. My leg muscles tense up and feel as though they might involuntarily spring me into a triple gainer or just a nose dive. Only problem is usually when your nose dives, the rest of you follows. At no other time and really not even at that time, do I have a desire to die. The other fear is probably sillier. It is a fear of not being allowed to swallow, like in a dentist chair. I am what dental people call a gagger. Not to my face of course. I even gag myself sometimes when I brush my teeth on Saturday nights. I never skip Saturday night teeth brushing. It's a habit of mine. One of the 59 habits of highly effective, extremely successful, always confident, forever loved, respected and admired people. Only 58 more to go! It's really a problem at the dentist office.
Here's how it went today. First, my dental lady. I'll call her Wendi, because I don't know her name and wouldn't embarrass her anyway. Wendi is very nice. First, she rubs a topical gel or cream on my gums, for a numbing effect, just the right side for today. She applies this with three 2-foot long Q-tips from across the room. I have to keep these in my mouth for 17 minutes. One of the many reasons I never smoked is that I would gag on a cigarette. I know because I gagged on the candy ones. I thought that the cream/gel was nice. Then the head hauncho, better described as the mouth hauncho, comes in with plastic gloves on. Now these guys wear all manner of protective clothing. They wear eyeglasses, face mask, a welders hood over that, plastic gloves and under the appropriate holiday smock, they wear a full wet suit. Don Quixote would thoroughly thrash his own mother for protective gear like this. I couldn't see what the dental guru had behind his back, but soon I was made aware. It was a quarter inch, foot long needle with the football pump syringe!. That's what the numbing gel was for! The first two or three jabs brought a dull prolonged pain. Then came the last one,between my tongue and the back of my jaw. I think the other end of that needle came out between my shoulder blades. Then he firmly jiggled it for full effect. Dr. D, not his real initial, is nice too. He always plays happy music. I like that. This time they played Christmas music. I want to go back to the dentist every Christmas now. It's part of my new Christmas tradition. Let's make this as pleasant as possible! Of course I know why he is happy. He drives an exotic sports car. A different one every day of the week. And I figured I've paid for at least one of them. Now Wendi goes to work. She starts to scrape my teeth with this motorized thing. I first I thought it was one of those dremel grinders, but it's actually water, propelled at 9000 gallons per second. It's the same one they used to cut open safes when the timer is set for 24 hours and there's someone inside with only 12 minutes of air. If you miss the edge of the tooth, it feels like they cut a gash in your mouth. Of course, I can only guess, since I have the gel/cream and the Novocain. Wendi and I sort of have a relationship by now. We understand each other. I understand that she will do whatever it takes to decrud my mouth and she understands it's my own stupid fault for letting it get this way. I am not waiting for New Years Day. I never make resolutions, because I stink at keeping them! But this year, I am making a Christmas resolution! I am going to the dentist every six months. They reccomend every 5 weeks for me, but I think they exaggerate. The first time I ever flew in an airplane, or should I simply say, the first time I ever flew, I was forty something. It scares me some. But I had heard the stories about pretty stewardesses, so I was anxious to see what kind of beauty quuen would be fluffing my pillow and offering coffee, tea or milk? I am not kidding about this. My stewardess looked like Ma Kettle, without make up. I figured she had been hand picked by Wilbur and Orville. My wife and friends were with me, so I wasn't expecting anything more than just to see what all of the hullabaloo was about. Mystery over! Wendi is not like that. She is a cute young lady. We had a little communication system going. Without explanation, she would tap 3 times on my chin and I would instinctively know that she wanted me to close my lips around Mr Sippie so all of the saliva and stuff would be sucked out. No more of those little mini toilet bowls that we used to lean over and spit into.Yes, I like to think that I'm one of her special patients and that she will remember me. I'm very sure that she will. Because I gagged and coughed and generally was a pain. Now if I see her in Wal Mart, I will not remember her. For one thing I didn't have my glasses on. I imagine at the dental office Christmas Party, they will pass around stories about the time they had to clean my teeth. There was one that sandblasted me and another who had to make two molds of my teeth because I gagged in the middle of the first one. I'm sure they draw cotton swabs to see who gets me! I'm a dental hygienist nightmare! I was so bad, that she finally suggested laughing gas. I told her I didn't think it was working because I usually feel very silly and did not yet. I think she cranked it up all the way now. At this point, I handed to her the keys to my mouth. I quit worrying about it and relinquished control. Normally I like to control what goes in my mouth and how long it stays there. But, at this point, I really didn't care too much. I thought of all manner of silly things. Some could be printed, some could not. The Christmas music was playing and I entered a world of my own choosing. Only now and then, Wendi would tap on my chin, to remind me to suck on the tube.
I suppose next week they will again supply me with my daily post.
Poor Dr D. If I go to the dentist every six months, he will soon be driving a Yugo on Thursdays. Sweet dreams, Wendi
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
It''s late!
Hi late nighters!
As the late Ricky Nelson once sang, "Look at that clock, why can't it be wrong" I'm going to the dentist tomorrow and hoping I can sleep through it! I remember being young. In fact, I believe I still am. Not the "young " of today. I don't multi-task, don't like rap, still believe romance is for two members of the opposite sex to be fully explored only after marriage. But I believe I am almost as young as I was 40 years ago, in the same way that I was young then. I remember when a week was too long to wait for anything! Especially too long to wait for a week end! Now I can wait a year for most anything. Except to make a pit stop. I had beaucoups of fun during my school years. I love that word! It's not bo -coops y'all, it's pronounced boocoo. It's french for oodles. Now go out and use it today. As the old adage goes, "It's not school I don't like-It's the principal of the thing!". Actually the principals weren't so bad, it was the assistant principals. They were the ones who carried out corporal punishment. They had the specialized paddles with the grooves and holes cut in them. One coach had a paddle with a 3 foot long handle. He could glide that wooden whacker in a wide arc, at a moderate speed and by the time the business end of it reached the business of me, it was moving at quantum speed. They put to practice, the theory of relativity. They believed the impact of that grooved bun warmer relative to the screaming nerve endings associated with the gluteus maximas would be enough to thwart the criminal tendencies any unfortunate subjects who challenged the establishment. But nay, there were some who seemed impervious to the whole process. It was like flicking a fly! Of course these guys didn't know their gluteus maximus from a hole in the ground. I would just love to know where that saying came from! You'd have to be a real nuckle head, a total lame brain not to know that. I think that used to be the army test. If you could answer that question correctly, you were enlisted. If you couldn't the IRS could still use you.
What I was getting at is that I was so relieved to have finished high school. I was finally free from the bondage of forced learning. I was a bright kid! Really! I can quote articles from car magazines that I haven't read in 50 years. I know the CID (cubic inch displacement) and horsepower of all of the muscle cars. It's just that I didn't like putting boring information into my mind for the purpose of getting the socially preferred alphabets on my report card, which would declare me suitable and valuable in the world's socio-economic system. You know what? I still don't. It's my mind and I get to say what goes in there! And I don't care much for broccoli. Thank you President George Herman Walker Bush! That man had guts! He didn't take any dodo from anybody! Sorry parents. It won't get any worse. Afterall, that is a partial indirect quasi-quote from the senior Bush. Which brings me to the suggested reading for the week. Hunchback of Notre Dame, by Victor Hugo. Only reason I read it was because it was paired with another favorite by Hugo, Les Miserables. I never know how to pronounce that one. Hugo always has an agenda to push. I may not totally agree with it, but his writings are very interesting. very detailed. very deep. Hunchback is also a good read, featuring Quasimoto. Quasi means "resembling" and moto could mean ox or beast. then it might mean fig pudding. The other interesting thing is that someone told me that an ox is simply a cow that has been allowed to grow very large. Well, naturally, I wanted to know more. I think it's more to do with the occupation of the cow. Also some stipulate that the cow must be castrated, or as an elderly acquaintance of mine used to say, in all seriousness, he should be casperated. That creates a more vivid picture in my mind. I would not like being stipulated, casperated or paddled with an overgrown splintered ping pong paddle.
I hope there's time for a nap tomorrow!
Merry Wednesday everyone! .
As the late Ricky Nelson once sang, "Look at that clock, why can't it be wrong" I'm going to the dentist tomorrow and hoping I can sleep through it! I remember being young. In fact, I believe I still am. Not the "young " of today. I don't multi-task, don't like rap, still believe romance is for two members of the opposite sex to be fully explored only after marriage. But I believe I am almost as young as I was 40 years ago, in the same way that I was young then. I remember when a week was too long to wait for anything! Especially too long to wait for a week end! Now I can wait a year for most anything. Except to make a pit stop. I had beaucoups of fun during my school years. I love that word! It's not bo -coops y'all, it's pronounced boocoo. It's french for oodles. Now go out and use it today. As the old adage goes, "It's not school I don't like-It's the principal of the thing!". Actually the principals weren't so bad, it was the assistant principals. They were the ones who carried out corporal punishment. They had the specialized paddles with the grooves and holes cut in them. One coach had a paddle with a 3 foot long handle. He could glide that wooden whacker in a wide arc, at a moderate speed and by the time the business end of it reached the business of me, it was moving at quantum speed. They put to practice, the theory of relativity. They believed the impact of that grooved bun warmer relative to the screaming nerve endings associated with the gluteus maximas would be enough to thwart the criminal tendencies any unfortunate subjects who challenged the establishment. But nay, there were some who seemed impervious to the whole process. It was like flicking a fly! Of course these guys didn't know their gluteus maximus from a hole in the ground. I would just love to know where that saying came from! You'd have to be a real nuckle head, a total lame brain not to know that. I think that used to be the army test. If you could answer that question correctly, you were enlisted. If you couldn't the IRS could still use you.
What I was getting at is that I was so relieved to have finished high school. I was finally free from the bondage of forced learning. I was a bright kid! Really! I can quote articles from car magazines that I haven't read in 50 years. I know the CID (cubic inch displacement) and horsepower of all of the muscle cars. It's just that I didn't like putting boring information into my mind for the purpose of getting the socially preferred alphabets on my report card, which would declare me suitable and valuable in the world's socio-economic system. You know what? I still don't. It's my mind and I get to say what goes in there! And I don't care much for broccoli. Thank you President George Herman Walker Bush! That man had guts! He didn't take any dodo from anybody! Sorry parents. It won't get any worse. Afterall, that is a partial indirect quasi-quote from the senior Bush. Which brings me to the suggested reading for the week. Hunchback of Notre Dame, by Victor Hugo. Only reason I read it was because it was paired with another favorite by Hugo, Les Miserables. I never know how to pronounce that one. Hugo always has an agenda to push. I may not totally agree with it, but his writings are very interesting. very detailed. very deep. Hunchback is also a good read, featuring Quasimoto. Quasi means "resembling" and moto could mean ox or beast. then it might mean fig pudding. The other interesting thing is that someone told me that an ox is simply a cow that has been allowed to grow very large. Well, naturally, I wanted to know more. I think it's more to do with the occupation of the cow. Also some stipulate that the cow must be castrated, or as an elderly acquaintance of mine used to say, in all seriousness, he should be casperated. That creates a more vivid picture in my mind. I would not like being stipulated, casperated or paddled with an overgrown splintered ping pong paddle.
I hope there's time for a nap tomorrow!
Merry Wednesday everyone! .
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Ulukpo
Hi guys,
I'm thinking of changing my name, to Ulukpo. Pronounced U Look Po. It's a real name. He's got a brother, Mepotoo. And a sister Mesopo. That's enough! Four bad jokes in a row and it's over! A guy I knew in Junior High told a joke that goes like this. What do you call a nation where all of the cars are pink. A pink carnation. He told the same joke with the color green, blue, purple...after about the fifth color I started recognizing a pattern. No flies on me. Okay, maybe some.
Nothing funny happened on the way to the forum today! I'm in the middle of working my 4/10 shifts. Four ten hour days in a row, Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday. Then I have the rest of the week off! I've some fun things lined up to do. I have a two hour dental cleaning, belt to change on my Sebring, shop for a grave marker, give blood for testing and some other less pleasant things. If you have time and want to join me just holler. I might let someone sit in for the dental appointment. I don't enjoy the dentist too much. But let me tell you it is a walk in the park compared to my childhood visits. Way back in the deep recesses of the previous century, when everything was in black and white, I, a very small and helpless child was forced, albeit bodily dragged to the dental dungeon. I'm not sure about albeit, but it seems to work here. I looked it up. it means through and through. Sounds a little redundant. It is my goal to not only inform, hopefully entertain, but last and least of all to ejucate. I was so scared and trembling uncontrollably at the prospect of this place. You see I was an evil child. Always doing what I should not. Always sneaking into the sugar barrel and eating sugar lumps the size of my small fist. So I deserved to be deposited there in that chamber of horror. First they strap you into this primevil barber chair. The barber shop was scary enough, with the deer heads on the wall. I wondered what had they done! Was it worse than raiding the sugar barrel? Afterall a barber is just a dental school reject. They probably took band instead of physical education too. There were some unsettling experiences there too. Fortunately there was always someone scrawnier than me to go through the worst of it. One guy they called Casper was so small he could turn sideways and disappear.The dental dungeon. You sat in the waiting room and read those highlights magazines. Some of these still had the old cave address stickers on the back. They strapped you in this chair, because otherwise, I would have bolted through the nearest opening, be it a coal chute, rat hole or even a sewer pipe. They slide over this tray with all manor of instruments of terror. Sharp things and clamps. Then comes the chart, like a giant report card with lots of "F's" on it. Doom! Five, six hah, hah, seven eight hah hah hah, nine rotten cavernous cavities. Then comes the drill. oops, leave something out? The novacaine? With the quarter inch footlong needle and the football pump syringe? Nope. My machinist with the monster of dentistry diploma on the wall, did not believe evil sugar snatching urchins should receive Novocaine. He believed that if we went through the shear unbridled terror of raw dentistry, we would become sugarophobic. But seven year olds have such short memories and weak resolve. Then they would start with the drilling, the insane whining screeching drilling! I believe I qualify to run for president. I wanted so badly for John McCain to win! He had been through so much. Not as much as I, especially when you count the child factor. I would have gladly donated my teeth to science and just sent my false teeth to the dentist for whatever cleaning and repairs they needed. I still have some of the old fillings. You know they still have mercury in them after all of these years. The fish oil I was taking was drawing out some of the mercury, making everything taste like metal. I had to give it up. Reminds me of the guy who ate a 1958 Pontiac. Now that's a large car. He ground it up and ate a spoonful or so every day. You don't want to go through the airport security behind this guy. He started when the car was new and just finished consummation in 1993. Of course he has to go for emissions inspection every year. He likes to toot his own horn. Just because he has a leather seat and a chrome tailpipe.
Good night, Uluksobrok
I'm thinking of changing my name, to Ulukpo. Pronounced U Look Po. It's a real name. He's got a brother, Mepotoo. And a sister Mesopo. That's enough! Four bad jokes in a row and it's over! A guy I knew in Junior High told a joke that goes like this. What do you call a nation where all of the cars are pink. A pink carnation. He told the same joke with the color green, blue, purple...after about the fifth color I started recognizing a pattern. No flies on me. Okay, maybe some.
Nothing funny happened on the way to the forum today! I'm in the middle of working my 4/10 shifts. Four ten hour days in a row, Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday. Then I have the rest of the week off! I've some fun things lined up to do. I have a two hour dental cleaning, belt to change on my Sebring, shop for a grave marker, give blood for testing and some other less pleasant things. If you have time and want to join me just holler. I might let someone sit in for the dental appointment. I don't enjoy the dentist too much. But let me tell you it is a walk in the park compared to my childhood visits. Way back in the deep recesses of the previous century, when everything was in black and white, I, a very small and helpless child was forced, albeit bodily dragged to the dental dungeon. I'm not sure about albeit, but it seems to work here. I looked it up. it means through and through. Sounds a little redundant. It is my goal to not only inform, hopefully entertain, but last and least of all to ejucate. I was so scared and trembling uncontrollably at the prospect of this place. You see I was an evil child. Always doing what I should not. Always sneaking into the sugar barrel and eating sugar lumps the size of my small fist. So I deserved to be deposited there in that chamber of horror. First they strap you into this primevil barber chair. The barber shop was scary enough, with the deer heads on the wall. I wondered what had they done! Was it worse than raiding the sugar barrel? Afterall a barber is just a dental school reject. They probably took band instead of physical education too. There were some unsettling experiences there too. Fortunately there was always someone scrawnier than me to go through the worst of it. One guy they called Casper was so small he could turn sideways and disappear.The dental dungeon. You sat in the waiting room and read those highlights magazines. Some of these still had the old cave address stickers on the back. They strapped you in this chair, because otherwise, I would have bolted through the nearest opening, be it a coal chute, rat hole or even a sewer pipe. They slide over this tray with all manor of instruments of terror. Sharp things and clamps. Then comes the chart, like a giant report card with lots of "F's" on it. Doom! Five, six hah, hah, seven eight hah hah hah, nine rotten cavernous cavities. Then comes the drill. oops, leave something out? The novacaine? With the quarter inch footlong needle and the football pump syringe? Nope. My machinist with the monster of dentistry diploma on the wall, did not believe evil sugar snatching urchins should receive Novocaine. He believed that if we went through the shear unbridled terror of raw dentistry, we would become sugarophobic. But seven year olds have such short memories and weak resolve. Then they would start with the drilling, the insane whining screeching drilling! I believe I qualify to run for president. I wanted so badly for John McCain to win! He had been through so much. Not as much as I, especially when you count the child factor. I would have gladly donated my teeth to science and just sent my false teeth to the dentist for whatever cleaning and repairs they needed. I still have some of the old fillings. You know they still have mercury in them after all of these years. The fish oil I was taking was drawing out some of the mercury, making everything taste like metal. I had to give it up. Reminds me of the guy who ate a 1958 Pontiac. Now that's a large car. He ground it up and ate a spoonful or so every day. You don't want to go through the airport security behind this guy. He started when the car was new and just finished consummation in 1993. Of course he has to go for emissions inspection every year. He likes to toot his own horn. Just because he has a leather seat and a chrome tailpipe.
Good night, Uluksobrok
Friday, December 5, 2008
Cold December Morn
Hi guys,
There's a song in that title somewhere, "Cold December Morn". I can hear Johnny Cash singin it now with that deep shaky voice he used to have.
All my friends are in jail, and there's no gifts under my tree,
My wife's says there's surefire something bad wrong with me.
Why, me and Jimmy can't even crack corn, (who cares)
And it's a "Cold December Morn".
I'll finish that one day. One really slow day. You never know who to trust. My internet provider tells me that face page may have a problem. Something called Koob Worm Face. I won't worry about it until it shows in the mirror. I quit taking the fish oil a week or so ago. They said the Koob Worm Face could be a phish problem. Those fellers really can't spell worth a wooden jelly bean! I'm going to a White Elephant Party at work. No their not bashing John McCain. I'm compiling a list of things to get for a white elephant.
1. Lady shick
2.under everything deordorant - elephant deodorant.
3. big fan to supplement #2-either way you want to take it.
4. a Michael Jackson skull.
5. pajamas. safari hunter: I once shot an elephant in my pajamas. How it got there, I'll never know! - Groucho Marx. Now she couold have her own.
6. fly swatter.
7. annual pass from Zoo Atlanta
8. a weekend at Jimmy Carter's
Next time you see an elephant in the living room, don't just sit there, get some newspaper!
. Think I'll take the rest of the night off. Just not feeling the vibes. Bytheway, Brian Wilson's mother inspired him to write "Good Vibrations". She told him how dogs pick up on vibrations from people. That's why dogs like some people and not others. I guess he figured that might work with girls. Like the one at wal mart who called me a hater. Works both ways. Another thing dogs pick up on is turkey juice. Get some of that on your fingers and they'll climb all over you!
Good night!
There's a song in that title somewhere, "Cold December Morn". I can hear Johnny Cash singin it now with that deep shaky voice he used to have.
All my friends are in jail, and there's no gifts under my tree,
My wife's says there's surefire something bad wrong with me.
Why, me and Jimmy can't even crack corn, (who cares)
And it's a "Cold December Morn".
I'll finish that one day. One really slow day. You never know who to trust. My internet provider tells me that face page may have a problem. Something called Koob Worm Face. I won't worry about it until it shows in the mirror. I quit taking the fish oil a week or so ago. They said the Koob Worm Face could be a phish problem. Those fellers really can't spell worth a wooden jelly bean! I'm going to a White Elephant Party at work. No their not bashing John McCain. I'm compiling a list of things to get for a white elephant.
1. Lady shick
2.under everything deordorant - elephant deodorant.
3. big fan to supplement #2-either way you want to take it.
4. a Michael Jackson skull.
5. pajamas. safari hunter: I once shot an elephant in my pajamas. How it got there, I'll never know! - Groucho Marx. Now she couold have her own.
6. fly swatter.
7. annual pass from Zoo Atlanta
8. a weekend at Jimmy Carter's
Next time you see an elephant in the living room, don't just sit there, get some newspaper!
. Think I'll take the rest of the night off. Just not feeling the vibes. Bytheway, Brian Wilson's mother inspired him to write "Good Vibrations". She told him how dogs pick up on vibrations from people. That's why dogs like some people and not others. I guess he figured that might work with girls. Like the one at wal mart who called me a hater. Works both ways. Another thing dogs pick up on is turkey juice. Get some of that on your fingers and they'll climb all over you!
Good night!
Thursday, December 4, 2008
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!
Merry Christmas!
I'll say it just because I can. I love Christmas, the music, the decorations the true Christmas story. All of it! Almost. A few things bug me. Their almost not worth mentioning. Let's say I like 97.62 % of everything about Christmas. Am I not the only one who doesn't like "The Christmas Shoe? You know the song? The mother has cancer or something. It's Christmas time and she's laid up in the hospital, dying. Bummer! Guess who is the most precious person in the world to her. Her little boy. Guess where he is. Not at her side, to comfort her, to bring her joy. He's out shopping, to buy his dying mother shoes. She might croak while he's trying to cut a deal on some stylish ruby red heels. His motivation for this madness is that his mother will soon meet Jesus (that's the nice part) and he thinks she would feel so proud if she had a beautiful pair of shoes for the occasion. I don't think you get to take your clothes with you and even if you did, I'm sure Jesus would not care if you came barefooted. I rather think He might like it, although I'm not really in a position to say. I can just picture her lying in that hospital bed with the gown that's stylishly open in the back and those pointy red shoes sticking up under the sheets! I also don't like Rocking Around the Christmas Tree, but who cares. Most everything else I like. Oh, I don't like the "A Christmas Story", the movie about the kid who wants a bb gun, gets his tongue stuck on the pole and his dad has a leg lamp. Sorry, I think it's in bad taste. Some of my best friends love it and I stil love them. If you happen to like this dumb movie, I still love you too! My favorite Christmas movie is of course, "It's a Wonderful life". It's one of the best of all time. Did you know Burt and Ernie of Sesame Street fame got their names from "It's a Wonderful Life"? Burt the cop and Ernie the taxi cab driver. True. This movie is full of value, humor and character. It's a great movie to watch if your depressed. Your Christmas gift to me this year can be to wacth this movie. No leg lamps for me, please.
Your great grandparents probably kept their money under the matress. Turns out, that's probably the safest place. Did Jimmi Hendrix say "'Scuse me while I Kiss the Sky" or "'Scuse Me While I Kiss This Guy"? I've always wondered. I did hear that at the end of one of his last concerts he said to the audience, :If anyone knows how to find true peace, please see me backstage". He was not much longer in this world. I don't know if he ever found the way. Btheway you find true peace by putting all of your trust in Jesus Christ and nothing else. That's it!
If you want to know what just happened, watch "Mr. Smith Goes to Washington", the orginal version with Jimmy Stewart. An honest man goes to Washington and witnesses first hand, the corruption of those he once admired. He carrys on a one man fillabuster, which by the way is not a cheese sandwich and thwarts the plans of the evil congress. By the time he finishes talking non-stop for 16 hours, he needs a couple of philly-busters and a big tall frog drownder. Okay, I like Jimmy Stewart.
I long for the day when the worst the songwriters could think of was counting flowers on the wall, that don't bother me at all, playing solitaire till dawn with a deck of 51, smoking cigarettes and watching Captin Kangaroo, now don't tell me, I've got nothing to do. Now see, all you bored retirees, there is something to do!
I have a new plan to deal with the high cost of living. I could move in at the office. Since my wife works there too, she could move in. They have showers, TV's and gobs of compiters. They're open 24/7. We could sell our house and get a minivan or two too keep some stuff in. Just for a few months, maybe a year. Of course there's always Wal-Mart. They have food and everything you need. I think they should build Wal-Mart condos. The condos could be on the second floor, with an indoor/outdoor pool and a small theater. If you need anything, just go downstairs and buy it. The city buses could pick you up at the door, or better yet, have an elevated rail pick you up on the second floor. If you come, they will build it!
I guess that's enough fiddle-faddle. Good night.
I'll say it just because I can. I love Christmas, the music, the decorations the true Christmas story. All of it! Almost. A few things bug me. Their almost not worth mentioning. Let's say I like 97.62 % of everything about Christmas. Am I not the only one who doesn't like "The Christmas Shoe? You know the song? The mother has cancer or something. It's Christmas time and she's laid up in the hospital, dying. Bummer! Guess who is the most precious person in the world to her. Her little boy. Guess where he is. Not at her side, to comfort her, to bring her joy. He's out shopping, to buy his dying mother shoes. She might croak while he's trying to cut a deal on some stylish ruby red heels. His motivation for this madness is that his mother will soon meet Jesus (that's the nice part) and he thinks she would feel so proud if she had a beautiful pair of shoes for the occasion. I don't think you get to take your clothes with you and even if you did, I'm sure Jesus would not care if you came barefooted. I rather think He might like it, although I'm not really in a position to say. I can just picture her lying in that hospital bed with the gown that's stylishly open in the back and those pointy red shoes sticking up under the sheets! I also don't like Rocking Around the Christmas Tree, but who cares. Most everything else I like. Oh, I don't like the "A Christmas Story", the movie about the kid who wants a bb gun, gets his tongue stuck on the pole and his dad has a leg lamp. Sorry, I think it's in bad taste. Some of my best friends love it and I stil love them. If you happen to like this dumb movie, I still love you too! My favorite Christmas movie is of course, "It's a Wonderful life". It's one of the best of all time. Did you know Burt and Ernie of Sesame Street fame got their names from "It's a Wonderful Life"? Burt the cop and Ernie the taxi cab driver. True. This movie is full of value, humor and character. It's a great movie to watch if your depressed. Your Christmas gift to me this year can be to wacth this movie. No leg lamps for me, please.
Your great grandparents probably kept their money under the matress. Turns out, that's probably the safest place. Did Jimmi Hendrix say "'Scuse me while I Kiss the Sky" or "'Scuse Me While I Kiss This Guy"? I've always wondered. I did hear that at the end of one of his last concerts he said to the audience, :If anyone knows how to find true peace, please see me backstage". He was not much longer in this world. I don't know if he ever found the way. Btheway you find true peace by putting all of your trust in Jesus Christ and nothing else. That's it!
If you want to know what just happened, watch "Mr. Smith Goes to Washington", the orginal version with Jimmy Stewart. An honest man goes to Washington and witnesses first hand, the corruption of those he once admired. He carrys on a one man fillabuster, which by the way is not a cheese sandwich and thwarts the plans of the evil congress. By the time he finishes talking non-stop for 16 hours, he needs a couple of philly-busters and a big tall frog drownder. Okay, I like Jimmy Stewart.
I long for the day when the worst the songwriters could think of was counting flowers on the wall, that don't bother me at all, playing solitaire till dawn with a deck of 51, smoking cigarettes and watching Captin Kangaroo, now don't tell me, I've got nothing to do. Now see, all you bored retirees, there is something to do!
I have a new plan to deal with the high cost of living. I could move in at the office. Since my wife works there too, she could move in. They have showers, TV's and gobs of compiters. They're open 24/7. We could sell our house and get a minivan or two too keep some stuff in. Just for a few months, maybe a year. Of course there's always Wal-Mart. They have food and everything you need. I think they should build Wal-Mart condos. The condos could be on the second floor, with an indoor/outdoor pool and a small theater. If you need anything, just go downstairs and buy it. The city buses could pick you up at the door, or better yet, have an elevated rail pick you up on the second floor. If you come, they will build it!
I guess that's enough fiddle-faddle. Good night.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Back In The Saddle Agsin
Hi guys,
Yesterday I couldn't think of anything even dull to write. My head was on empty, like when the needle goes into the red and the little gas icon lights up and it starts dinging. Not chugging yet though. I'm not doing great in the shopping department lately. The Wal Mart cashier called me a hater for appearing not to like her singing. The Wendy's lady thought I looked 55. I bought unsliced ham. It had stripes on it, as though it were sliced. Sounds like a James Bond line, "I'll have mine gently smoked, striped, but not sliced:' Then I ran out of mayonnaise. I've run out of closets, pool halls and locker rooms, but never out of mayonnaise. How the elephant got into my pajamas, I'll never know! Sorry, wrong punch line. I got some mayonaise and when I removed the lid, there was no protective seal. Wild and Crazy Guy that I am, I ate some anyway. Afterall, there was no warning, advising not to consume products if the seal were broken or missing. Could I die? We'll see. When I put the lid back on it wouldn't tighten. If you keep turning it, it loosens it's grip.Are double its allowed? It's like a Hitchcock thriller! You know since Psycho was originally filmed in black and white, they used chocolate syrup instead of blood, in the shower scene, because it flows so well. Could you imagine Janet Leigh with chocolate syrup all over her! Make your own comments here. Besides that, when I was a kid, we didn't keep maynoaise in the fridgerator at all, and I lived! I used to make a ham sandwich everyday and put it in the glove box of my car, with the old metal dashboard. Then at lunch I would retrieve the sandwich and it would be hot! And I lived!. So, don't worry about me. Talk about globule warming, I had it in the sixties.
The Atlanta Zoo reply-all fiasco continues. Yesterday this lady replys to all, with a hint of frustration and anger in her message. She reply-alls, " WOULD EVERYONE PLEASE STOP ASKING ME FOR TICKETS TO ZOO ATLANTA. I AM NOT AFFILIATED WITH ZOO ATLANTA IN ANY WAY AND CAN NOT GET TICKETS FOR ANYONE!". It's cheap entertainment!
As previously stated, I do not understand the economy. Our nation seems to be in terrible debt. I suggest they write down everything they spend for a month and look it over to see what they can do without. I really think with all that's going on, they could shelf implementation of HDTV or whatever they call it. My tv is just fine. Except how about line item veto on the channels? The high muckety mucks have appointed a cabinet member whose first priority is to oversee implementation of Digital tv. I had a digital exam once and it reminds me of this. Could be the same deal! We seem to have had 700 billion dollars or was it trillion. Who cares anymore? When you get over a hundred thousand, you lost me. I guess we gave 350 billion to the banks to straighten out the mortgage mess. Now we have 350 billion left that nobody seems to know what to do with. Can't we just put it back? Or pay down the National Debt? Here's my favorite idea of all. Give it to Tom Cruise, so he'll never have to make another motion picture again. I can't believe he made all of the Mission Impossible characters turn into traitors and he alone was the good guy. How very Tom Cruiseish of him! That's like finding out June and Ward Cleaver were drug dealers and Beaver grew up to be Charlie Manson! Disgusting!! Or Adolph Hitler, disguised himself as Lawrence Welk and had a Saturday night hit musical variety show for 10 years running. It does seem like everyone on that show were Gentiles! If I keep making statements like that, i'll find out who's really reading! You'll never know if it was the Lawrence Welk comment or the mayonaise!
Guess I'm setting my self up for nightmares - hope you can sleep ok. Oh no, here comes Mean Mr. Mustard. Hope you hear from me tomorrow!
Yesterday I couldn't think of anything even dull to write. My head was on empty, like when the needle goes into the red and the little gas icon lights up and it starts dinging. Not chugging yet though. I'm not doing great in the shopping department lately. The Wal Mart cashier called me a hater for appearing not to like her singing. The Wendy's lady thought I looked 55. I bought unsliced ham. It had stripes on it, as though it were sliced. Sounds like a James Bond line, "I'll have mine gently smoked, striped, but not sliced:' Then I ran out of mayonnaise. I've run out of closets, pool halls and locker rooms, but never out of mayonnaise. How the elephant got into my pajamas, I'll never know! Sorry, wrong punch line. I got some mayonaise and when I removed the lid, there was no protective seal. Wild and Crazy Guy that I am, I ate some anyway. Afterall, there was no warning, advising not to consume products if the seal were broken or missing. Could I die? We'll see. When I put the lid back on it wouldn't tighten. If you keep turning it, it loosens it's grip.Are double its allowed? It's like a Hitchcock thriller! You know since Psycho was originally filmed in black and white, they used chocolate syrup instead of blood, in the shower scene, because it flows so well. Could you imagine Janet Leigh with chocolate syrup all over her! Make your own comments here. Besides that, when I was a kid, we didn't keep maynoaise in the fridgerator at all, and I lived! I used to make a ham sandwich everyday and put it in the glove box of my car, with the old metal dashboard. Then at lunch I would retrieve the sandwich and it would be hot! And I lived!. So, don't worry about me. Talk about globule warming, I had it in the sixties.
The Atlanta Zoo reply-all fiasco continues. Yesterday this lady replys to all, with a hint of frustration and anger in her message. She reply-alls, " WOULD EVERYONE PLEASE STOP ASKING ME FOR TICKETS TO ZOO ATLANTA. I AM NOT AFFILIATED WITH ZOO ATLANTA IN ANY WAY AND CAN NOT GET TICKETS FOR ANYONE!". It's cheap entertainment!
As previously stated, I do not understand the economy. Our nation seems to be in terrible debt. I suggest they write down everything they spend for a month and look it over to see what they can do without. I really think with all that's going on, they could shelf implementation of HDTV or whatever they call it. My tv is just fine. Except how about line item veto on the channels? The high muckety mucks have appointed a cabinet member whose first priority is to oversee implementation of Digital tv. I had a digital exam once and it reminds me of this. Could be the same deal! We seem to have had 700 billion dollars or was it trillion. Who cares anymore? When you get over a hundred thousand, you lost me. I guess we gave 350 billion to the banks to straighten out the mortgage mess. Now we have 350 billion left that nobody seems to know what to do with. Can't we just put it back? Or pay down the National Debt? Here's my favorite idea of all. Give it to Tom Cruise, so he'll never have to make another motion picture again. I can't believe he made all of the Mission Impossible characters turn into traitors and he alone was the good guy. How very Tom Cruiseish of him! That's like finding out June and Ward Cleaver were drug dealers and Beaver grew up to be Charlie Manson! Disgusting!! Or Adolph Hitler, disguised himself as Lawrence Welk and had a Saturday night hit musical variety show for 10 years running. It does seem like everyone on that show were Gentiles! If I keep making statements like that, i'll find out who's really reading! You'll never know if it was the Lawrence Welk comment or the mayonaise!
Guess I'm setting my self up for nightmares - hope you can sleep ok. Oh no, here comes Mean Mr. Mustard. Hope you hear from me tomorrow!
Monday, December 1, 2008
Landmark Day!
Hello friends!
I got tagged, for the first time, in real life, as a senior citizen! Sorry to burst your bubble. I know most you think I'm slowly approaching forty, but apparently to some people, I must look 55, which I happen to be. No shame in looking your age. I was at Wendys, ordering my Baconator (with small sides) and the lady rung me up as a senior citizen. I was delighted, when she had me look at the screen and I saw the 10 percent discount! Yippie. I wonder who else does that. By the way, the medium sides would be enough food and drink to get you across the Mohave Desert! Not the big one out west. I'm talking about the little one just south of Hahira. It's spelled the same but pronounced Mo-hayv Desert. You know at the office, they are still replying-all for Zoo Atlanta tickets. If you're lost on this, go back a few posts or just skip it. There was one that said "I want tickets". Then there was another admonishing EVERYONE to not reply-all this back with silly remarks, as some have, bc EVERYONE gets this. Read MANAGEMENT. Thanks for the extra 2017 emails in the system. Then another emails, I want tickets too. There will be a conservative in the White House b4 we get Zoo tickets again. AND, there is only 25 sets of them to begin with.
When I got the mail today, there was a card from my friends at the funeral home. I won't say which one bc they were really very nice when we needed them. I still can't say I love going there. What I received was an offer to pre-purchase a funeral package at about half the price of a regular funeral, including casket, vault, preparation all the bells and whistles, even destination charges, but no rebates. Personally, I'd like to see something in wicker! Or how about a swinging casket. You could sit with your loved one and drift and flow back and fourth and have pleasant memories. I dreamed that I was going to cremated and Pastor Butch was going to officiate. He laid me out on this big BBQ grill. I do love the grill. That's probably the way I want to go. I want to "Glow When I Go". I wonder if the funeral home marketing folks could use my services. The other thing that was cool about this limited offer (lifetime offer would sound crude), is there is no physical examination required. I'm not kidding! There are no disqualifying preconditions. You can die now and pay later. What a deal. I'm getting my friends this for Christmas! Starting with the older ones, of course. Even mail time can be fun!
Green Section: Oh, when I was a kid, the newspaper on Saturday, had a green sheet. This section of paper was actually green. You could pull it out and read the tv page, which consisted of programming for all three stations and the funny page and crossword puzzle.. The green thing I wanted to tell you about is pearls. No, not green pearls. My dad was telling me that they give oysters a disease that makes them form pearls a lot faster than normal. It's probably something like milk that calcifies the little buggers. If the green people find out they'll probably try to protect the poor oysters. Why can't they transplant pearlets into a larger animal like a rabbit or a carp and then give them steroids? I guess brighter minds than mine have already tried. The Indians had the right idea and just strung corn. The greenies probably find that offensive too.
Let's get off the serious stuff and move on to lighter prose. When radio talk show host Ludlow Porch, a great southern character, was asked what he would like to have played at his funeral, he thought for a moment and said :Volleyball would be nice". I hope they do that whenever his time comes. The other near end quote I love was from Bob Hope. When in his last days, his wife Delores asked him in which of the two prominent cemeterys he wanted to buried, he just smiled and said "Suprise me!".
sigining off..have a lovely evening! .
I got tagged, for the first time, in real life, as a senior citizen! Sorry to burst your bubble. I know most you think I'm slowly approaching forty, but apparently to some people, I must look 55, which I happen to be. No shame in looking your age. I was at Wendys, ordering my Baconator (with small sides) and the lady rung me up as a senior citizen. I was delighted, when she had me look at the screen and I saw the 10 percent discount! Yippie. I wonder who else does that. By the way, the medium sides would be enough food and drink to get you across the Mohave Desert! Not the big one out west. I'm talking about the little one just south of Hahira. It's spelled the same but pronounced Mo-hayv Desert. You know at the office, they are still replying-all for Zoo Atlanta tickets. If you're lost on this, go back a few posts or just skip it. There was one that said "I want tickets". Then there was another admonishing EVERYONE to not reply-all this back with silly remarks, as some have, bc EVERYONE gets this. Read MANAGEMENT. Thanks for the extra 2017 emails in the system. Then another emails, I want tickets too. There will be a conservative in the White House b4 we get Zoo tickets again. AND, there is only 25 sets of them to begin with.
When I got the mail today, there was a card from my friends at the funeral home. I won't say which one bc they were really very nice when we needed them. I still can't say I love going there. What I received was an offer to pre-purchase a funeral package at about half the price of a regular funeral, including casket, vault, preparation all the bells and whistles, even destination charges, but no rebates. Personally, I'd like to see something in wicker! Or how about a swinging casket. You could sit with your loved one and drift and flow back and fourth and have pleasant memories. I dreamed that I was going to cremated and Pastor Butch was going to officiate. He laid me out on this big BBQ grill. I do love the grill. That's probably the way I want to go. I want to "Glow When I Go". I wonder if the funeral home marketing folks could use my services. The other thing that was cool about this limited offer (lifetime offer would sound crude), is there is no physical examination required. I'm not kidding! There are no disqualifying preconditions. You can die now and pay later. What a deal. I'm getting my friends this for Christmas! Starting with the older ones, of course. Even mail time can be fun!
Green Section: Oh, when I was a kid, the newspaper on Saturday, had a green sheet. This section of paper was actually green. You could pull it out and read the tv page, which consisted of programming for all three stations and the funny page and crossword puzzle.. The green thing I wanted to tell you about is pearls. No, not green pearls. My dad was telling me that they give oysters a disease that makes them form pearls a lot faster than normal. It's probably something like milk that calcifies the little buggers. If the green people find out they'll probably try to protect the poor oysters. Why can't they transplant pearlets into a larger animal like a rabbit or a carp and then give them steroids? I guess brighter minds than mine have already tried. The Indians had the right idea and just strung corn. The greenies probably find that offensive too.
Let's get off the serious stuff and move on to lighter prose. When radio talk show host Ludlow Porch, a great southern character, was asked what he would like to have played at his funeral, he thought for a moment and said :Volleyball would be nice". I hope they do that whenever his time comes. The other near end quote I love was from Bob Hope. When in his last days, his wife Delores asked him in which of the two prominent cemeterys he wanted to buried, he just smiled and said "Suprise me!".
sigining off..have a lovely evening! .
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
