Hello friends,
I don't know what people do without friends! Thank you to my friends. I'm not feeling funny these days. Not much. I did see a Bob Hope movie yesterday that I had never seen before, "Alias Jesse James". It was a comedy. If you hadn't already guessed that, you don't know who Bob Hope is. Only one of the worlds greatest comedians ever! I believe you should laugh every day, even if it's only at yourself! I learned that from Bob. Another actor I like is Jack Lemon. I liked those two even as a teenager. Jack Lemon's character often gets into these ridiculous situations and it's funny to see him squirm his way through it. I used to dream up situations to get into, so it would be funny to others when I had to get out of them. I only remember actually doing one of them and it worked quite well. I spelled my middle name incorrectly on legal documents, like my driver's license, social security card, etc. I never used my middle name anyway. It is Combs or Coombs. I honestly don't know. I changed it back on my drivers lisence, but I'm still not sure it's right. I have my birth certificate, but I never can remember it even after I look at it. I have a mental block. In fact if you took all of my mental blocks and placed them end to end, you would have wasted a lot of time and you'd have a long walk home from Nantucket or maybe Daytona Beach, which would be great! I love the beach. I love the sun, the waves, people having fun, the sand, bright colors. I'm feeling better already. If I can just hang on for a few months.
You want to know what's really bothering me? Of course not. But you've read this far. Might as well continue. Like one of those books that's supposed to be so good. you just keep reading it, hoping maybe something on the last page will make it worthwhile. What's bothering me is the responsibility factor. It's what happens when you're not used to being responsible and all of the sudden, you try it!!! Like eating lots of vegetables and your stomach is not used to it. Like when you don't go to the dentist or floss your teeth 6 times a day. Or when you don't eat right, get fat, get high blood pressure, get diabetes and high triglycerides (how ever you spell it). It's what happens when you take your car to the mechanic. It's what happens when you take the Ramsey Lewis Trio Financial Peas seminar. Everything is just fine, if you ignore it. We did our budget. You know what?? We spend about $500 a month more than we make. And there are a lot of things that aren't even on there!.
My doctor says if I lose weight those things might go away, the medical things anyway. I believe my blood pressure and blood sugar would both come down. Just when I get high marks for something, they decide it's bad. I believe when I lose weight my hair will come back! You see, there still is some hair up there. There's just not as much per square inch. If I reduce the square inches, the hair would, of course get thicker. I figure about 25 square inches should do it! Of course my ears would end up on top of my head and my chin might be a little tight, but there's an extra one down there anyway. I guess that's what it's for. Sometimes I dream that I have hair. I'm really quite handsome! In fact, I'm convinced that's why I don't have hair! It's my thorn in the flesh! When I was young, girls used to follow me around! A few of them were just trying to get those 50's I had hanging out of my back pocket, but some were really interested. Most of those, I encouraged to visit the senior center, where the guys walked a little slower and could be more easily caught! Ah, the fun memories of youth...I would save up for weeks and weeks until I had about 5 or 6 dollars. Then my buddies and I would do our favorite thing. Go down town! We would take the bus from Forest Park, the greatest place to grow up, unless you count the beach. If I had hair and lived at the beach, you could just forget it!! But, the most fun you could have living in Forest Park, was taking the bus to DOWNTOWN ATLANTA! Talk about opening up the eyes of a young man, around 14, it was groovy, man! For ten cents, you could take a 30 minute ride on the bus to Atlanta. The route ended on Auburn Ave right across from a Krystal's Hamburger joint. We usually ate there. Three Krystal's for ten cents each, some fries and a coke. So you could eat for about fifty cents. A couple times we ate at Shoneys. You're talking about a dollar twenty or so for a Big Boy combo.And you had to wait an hour for them to make it. We always joked that you could order from Shoneys, walk next store to the Rialto and see a movie, and get out about the same time your food arrives. Of course Riches was an institution with it's 5 story buildings on both side of the block and the connecting three story bridge. We played chase on the elevators and escalators. You always saw drunks and hobos begging for a dime or a quarter. Our standard line was always, we only have our bus fare. This was often true. I love to go to New York now and just walk around like that, but it's not near the thrill that Atlanta used to be. I wouldn't trade it for all of the video games and ipods in the world!
Well, you probably don't feel any better, but this trip down memory lane has loosened me up a little! Say, why don't you take a trip down memory lane? It could do you some good! You should take a bus somewhere or drive somewhere, park your car and get out and walk around. Take in some quaint little shops, antique stores. Watch a little league ball game. get some bar b que! Call me up when you do, cause I want to go!
Good night everyone! Sleep tight friends!!
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Who Wants To Be A MILLIONAIRE? - anyway?
Friends, if you actually know me, you know I'd come closer to being a fridgidaire! But I'm working on it! I'm still taking tips from the Ramsey Lewis Trio Institute of Financial Peas. No, I didn't leave out the "c" or the "e". If you eat peas for breakfast, lunch and supper everyday, you will save $15 per day, per person. So, for a family of four, that's $60 a day, $420 per week, about $22,000 per year! But wait, compund the interest at 35% and you've got $47,900. Put the first year's savings into an emergency fund. Only use that for real disasters, like your friend in Hawaii or Paris, or London comes to an unexpected demise. Remember generosity is the opposite of greed and the tighter you squeeze your portfolio, the more bruised it gets. So go comfort the mourning lamenters. Allow your self some mad money. Money that is yours alone to do with it as you please, without accountability. You arrive at this figure after you have budgeted for utilities, groceries, gasoline, house note, car, house, health, assisted living, life insurance and don't forget insurance that pays your premiums if you get layed off. Oh, I hope I do! Well, I was mad when I found out how much it would be! So now I don't have to tell anyone whether I chose the cherry gumball or the grape one!
One financial genius starts off advising how to make a million, like this. First get a $100,000. Then develope a.....They all assume that you have some money to start with. What if you're like I heard Geraldo Riviera say about the parents of that girl whose daughter was "missing". He said it wasn't for ransom, because they didn't have a pot to pee in. That's journalism at it's finest. Geraldo, that kept screaming during the hurricane, "There's a man in the water, over there! there's a man in the water!" NEWS FLASH! He was a coast guard worker, trying to secure some equipment. Of course, there was the time we waited for 5 months in suspence for the day when Geraldo would open the mysterious vault! Who knew what would be in there? Elvis, Jimmy Hoffa, the Holy Grail! Would you believe, nothing - on national television - nothing! Why didn't they just tape it and if it turned up to be a turnip, they could play lost episodes from My Favorite Martian.
Another financial plan with teeth was the real estate empire that could be built while living in the back of your car. Only problem was, I lived in a house, with a note, a wife, a baby and all the bills I could handle. First thing you do is find a house that's worth $120,000, but they only want $27,000. You get the bank to loan you 90,000, so you can fix it up a little, you know things like plumbing, wiring, sheet rock, framing, roof, cabinets, just the basics. That comes to about $700. You then sell this quickly, still below market for $115,000. You pocket about $80,000. So now, you get a car that runs. And you buy three more such houses. Before long you will tire of all this work and write a book about working out of your car. I'm thinking of writing a book about a man who decides to skip the working part of this and write a book and just go the seminar route with it. It's a thousand pages, give or take a few. I'll be writing more in a week or two. I can make it longer if you like the style or I can change it around, but I want to be a paperback writer.
Purchasing a vehicle. One car that can really save a bundle is the Porche 914. I don't know if they still make them, but when I wore a younger mans clothes, my own, I dreamed of having one. It was the economy model, kind of flat looking. It was a two seater, with the engine in the middle. It looked almost the same coming or going. That's the good part. You don't have to waste gas turning around! Does your odometer turn when you drive in reverse? Don't think so! But you've been backing up, then pulling forward for years. Think of all the miles you drove unrecorded! probably millions! Okay, hundreds. Now think of the time, gas, wear and tear you could save if you just drove backwards to your next destination? How about the little amphibian with the propeller in the back? Instead of sitting in rush hour traffic, you could pull off the road, go down the embankment and enter the Chattahoochee! No traffic jam there. And you could drag a line while you're at it. Perhaps have a fish dinner on the way home. The problem is not that we don't think outside the box. The problem is we don't even think inside the box!! Okay, something a little more practicle. How about a 15 passenger van. Big you say! But you can get it cheap, especially since it don't run. Push it to a new subdivision with a downhill entrance. Paint Buritto Burner on the side. park it in front of a construction site. Be sure to play Tijuana Brass or Baja Marimba Band real loud on the boom box. When they all come out to see the Mexican Buritto Burner, you offer to sell it to them for $200 a piece! That's $3000. Explain that this tootin wagon runs on methane gas. And you'll supply the first round of Burittos! Remind them they must keep the windows up at all times, for optimum performance and it's a city ordinance.
I'm looking forward to a prosperous year. I'm kind of serious about the Ground Hog thing. I believe it would work at least for a while, like the pet rock, only better. If anyone wants to buy part interest in the idea, please let me know.
One last item. Since everyone has something to say about the First, uh Dog, I have my own idea. It's a cross between a Bulldog and a Shitzu. Do the English!
Night, y'all !
One financial genius starts off advising how to make a million, like this. First get a $100,000. Then develope a.....They all assume that you have some money to start with. What if you're like I heard Geraldo Riviera say about the parents of that girl whose daughter was "missing". He said it wasn't for ransom, because they didn't have a pot to pee in. That's journalism at it's finest. Geraldo, that kept screaming during the hurricane, "There's a man in the water, over there! there's a man in the water!" NEWS FLASH! He was a coast guard worker, trying to secure some equipment. Of course, there was the time we waited for 5 months in suspence for the day when Geraldo would open the mysterious vault! Who knew what would be in there? Elvis, Jimmy Hoffa, the Holy Grail! Would you believe, nothing - on national television - nothing! Why didn't they just tape it and if it turned up to be a turnip, they could play lost episodes from My Favorite Martian.
Another financial plan with teeth was the real estate empire that could be built while living in the back of your car. Only problem was, I lived in a house, with a note, a wife, a baby and all the bills I could handle. First thing you do is find a house that's worth $120,000, but they only want $27,000. You get the bank to loan you 90,000, so you can fix it up a little, you know things like plumbing, wiring, sheet rock, framing, roof, cabinets, just the basics. That comes to about $700. You then sell this quickly, still below market for $115,000. You pocket about $80,000. So now, you get a car that runs. And you buy three more such houses. Before long you will tire of all this work and write a book about working out of your car. I'm thinking of writing a book about a man who decides to skip the working part of this and write a book and just go the seminar route with it. It's a thousand pages, give or take a few. I'll be writing more in a week or two. I can make it longer if you like the style or I can change it around, but I want to be a paperback writer.
Purchasing a vehicle. One car that can really save a bundle is the Porche 914. I don't know if they still make them, but when I wore a younger mans clothes, my own, I dreamed of having one. It was the economy model, kind of flat looking. It was a two seater, with the engine in the middle. It looked almost the same coming or going. That's the good part. You don't have to waste gas turning around! Does your odometer turn when you drive in reverse? Don't think so! But you've been backing up, then pulling forward for years. Think of all the miles you drove unrecorded! probably millions! Okay, hundreds. Now think of the time, gas, wear and tear you could save if you just drove backwards to your next destination? How about the little amphibian with the propeller in the back? Instead of sitting in rush hour traffic, you could pull off the road, go down the embankment and enter the Chattahoochee! No traffic jam there. And you could drag a line while you're at it. Perhaps have a fish dinner on the way home. The problem is not that we don't think outside the box. The problem is we don't even think inside the box!! Okay, something a little more practicle. How about a 15 passenger van. Big you say! But you can get it cheap, especially since it don't run. Push it to a new subdivision with a downhill entrance. Paint Buritto Burner on the side. park it in front of a construction site. Be sure to play Tijuana Brass or Baja Marimba Band real loud on the boom box. When they all come out to see the Mexican Buritto Burner, you offer to sell it to them for $200 a piece! That's $3000. Explain that this tootin wagon runs on methane gas. And you'll supply the first round of Burittos! Remind them they must keep the windows up at all times, for optimum performance and it's a city ordinance.
I'm looking forward to a prosperous year. I'm kind of serious about the Ground Hog thing. I believe it would work at least for a while, like the pet rock, only better. If anyone wants to buy part interest in the idea, please let me know.
One last item. Since everyone has something to say about the First, uh Dog, I have my own idea. It's a cross between a Bulldog and a Shitzu. Do the English!
Night, y'all !
Friday, January 9, 2009
Sleep tight - Don't let the bed bugs bite!
Hello Dear Friends,
And you are dear, if you read my rag! I always heard that bedtime limerick. It that lim er ick or lime-rick? Don't know. I'm probably misusing it anyway, but I'm not doing this for grades. I had an experience that made me think about it. Getting bit in bed. Because it happened to me - twice. No it wasn't bed bugs. Not Cheryl. Who then? What then?? It was my bed itself! It opened up it's big mouth and tried to swallow me and Cheryl! You see, a while back, we were both suffering with achy joints from a mattress that didn't seem to sag where we sagged. So we thought about getting a new one, for a couple of years. We finally decided we wanted a memory foam mattress, but not one that cost $3,395.00. So I found Bravader online. My mother would often add an er to the end of words or names like, Linder, Rhonder, Atlanter, so Bravader, to avoid law suits. I'm sure they are reading this by now. It came in the mail. The mattress came in two layers folded up in long rectangular boxes. Then the box spring came in another rectangular box about 1 foot by 1 foot by 7 feet. I'm glad I learned Geometry because it's very useful. I'm always saying round, triangular, quadrangle and then there's words with double meanings like square and tubular! The box spring folds down. You've heard the saying, "What folds down, must fold up? Well, it took a few months. Our wonderful new mattress was so soft and comfy, but as time when by it got softer. It got so you would sink so far that you couldn't pull yourself out of it. Then one night it tried to eat us. It folded up and I thought we were goners! I stuck my leg out just in time, which kept it from clamping tight and eventually I wedged my way out. Next night things would be different. We went to bed and wished it so. But the same thing happened again. Drat! So I went out and got slats and installed them. Now our soft cushy mattress is rather firm, but reliable. Bytheway, the bed bug came from the old days when beds were just ropes strung out over a frame in grid form. The tighter the ropes, the less likelihood of having bugs. The bugs would get in the mattress, made of straw, or feathers or marshmallows or whatever, so you made sure it didn't touch the floor or walls so bugs couldn't climb aboard. The four bed legs would stand in a can or a jar lid filled with kerosene so the bugs couldn't crawl up. The other warning should have been, don't smoke in bed, not even to roast the marshmallows. Why do they call these "mallows" that anyway? So, the warning was real. I think my mother said it to be funny. Like Amen, Brother Ben, shot a rooster and killed a hen. No idea what that means.
Subtitle: You May Be Right - I May Be Crazy! - Billy Joel
I finally got to listen to Billy Joel. Mostly good - some so-so. Watching "What About Bob", the other night, I heard Bill Murry say, "There are two kinds of people - those who like Neil Diamond and those who don't" He thought he left his wife because she liked Neil Diamond, instead of her leaving him because of his neurotic, OCD behavior! I suspect it might be like that with Billy Joel. He really is a good entertainer, but I always thought he sounded like other people.
Here's a short list:
You May Be Right - Mick Jagger - Rolling Stones
Piano Man - Harry Chapin - sang "Taxi" and better known "The Cats in the Cradle" (He died like the "Big O". Taxi and Piano were out around 1971-72 and were very similiar - never heard Taxi anymore.
Just the way You Are (and others) - Elton John
Uptown Girl - Frankie Valley - Four Seasons
For the Longest Time and So In Love - one of the old Doo-wop groups
Sometimes has a Beatle-ish sound
He's pretty good no matter who he is imitating.
Ramsey Lewis Trio tip for this post: Save money at restaurants by ordering water with lemon and adding sugar from the table. Lemonade. Also, when you pay the bill, pay the amount of the check and leave valuable coupons as tips, like 5 Junior Roast Beef sandwiches for $5 at Harveys. Or, order one pizza and get one of equal size and number of toppings free at Pizza Nut! That way, he can learn to save also. Always park near the door, facing out!
I know you have big plans for MLK day already, but have you thought about Ground Hogs Day. This year it's on a Monday, but you can celebrate on Friday or Saturday. Most people forget this one, I guess because the marketers haven't found a way to get everyone to buy Ground Hog Day cards or chocolates. I don't know why they can't sell little chocolate Ground Hogs and have a Ground Hog Dance. It would be so cool and in the spirit of diversity, I think we should celebrate! Be sure to watch "Ground Hog Day" with Bill Murray. Bytheway, I don't like Bill Murray! I guess that's why he's in two movies I mentioned in the post, that I like. He is obnoxious in both. So there!
Please consider it. I plan to build my retirement around the promotions. Afterall, someone had to invent Valentines Day. Sleep tight and don't let the bed bite!
disclaimer: if you don't understand some of this, read ALL of the earlier posts. You wouldn't start reading a recipe or an algebra book from the middle would you? I wouldn't at all! If after you read the other posts, you still don't understand, try bull running or working for the IRS.
And you are dear, if you read my rag! I always heard that bedtime limerick. It that lim er ick or lime-rick? Don't know. I'm probably misusing it anyway, but I'm not doing this for grades. I had an experience that made me think about it. Getting bit in bed. Because it happened to me - twice. No it wasn't bed bugs. Not Cheryl. Who then? What then?? It was my bed itself! It opened up it's big mouth and tried to swallow me and Cheryl! You see, a while back, we were both suffering with achy joints from a mattress that didn't seem to sag where we sagged. So we thought about getting a new one, for a couple of years. We finally decided we wanted a memory foam mattress, but not one that cost $3,395.00. So I found Bravader online. My mother would often add an er to the end of words or names like, Linder, Rhonder, Atlanter, so Bravader, to avoid law suits. I'm sure they are reading this by now. It came in the mail. The mattress came in two layers folded up in long rectangular boxes. Then the box spring came in another rectangular box about 1 foot by 1 foot by 7 feet. I'm glad I learned Geometry because it's very useful. I'm always saying round, triangular, quadrangle and then there's words with double meanings like square and tubular! The box spring folds down. You've heard the saying, "What folds down, must fold up? Well, it took a few months. Our wonderful new mattress was so soft and comfy, but as time when by it got softer. It got so you would sink so far that you couldn't pull yourself out of it. Then one night it tried to eat us. It folded up and I thought we were goners! I stuck my leg out just in time, which kept it from clamping tight and eventually I wedged my way out. Next night things would be different. We went to bed and wished it so. But the same thing happened again. Drat! So I went out and got slats and installed them. Now our soft cushy mattress is rather firm, but reliable. Bytheway, the bed bug came from the old days when beds were just ropes strung out over a frame in grid form. The tighter the ropes, the less likelihood of having bugs. The bugs would get in the mattress, made of straw, or feathers or marshmallows or whatever, so you made sure it didn't touch the floor or walls so bugs couldn't climb aboard. The four bed legs would stand in a can or a jar lid filled with kerosene so the bugs couldn't crawl up. The other warning should have been, don't smoke in bed, not even to roast the marshmallows. Why do they call these "mallows" that anyway? So, the warning was real. I think my mother said it to be funny. Like Amen, Brother Ben, shot a rooster and killed a hen. No idea what that means.
Subtitle: You May Be Right - I May Be Crazy! - Billy Joel
I finally got to listen to Billy Joel. Mostly good - some so-so. Watching "What About Bob", the other night, I heard Bill Murry say, "There are two kinds of people - those who like Neil Diamond and those who don't" He thought he left his wife because she liked Neil Diamond, instead of her leaving him because of his neurotic, OCD behavior! I suspect it might be like that with Billy Joel. He really is a good entertainer, but I always thought he sounded like other people.
Here's a short list:
You May Be Right - Mick Jagger - Rolling Stones
Piano Man - Harry Chapin - sang "Taxi" and better known "The Cats in the Cradle" (He died like the "Big O". Taxi and Piano were out around 1971-72 and were very similiar - never heard Taxi anymore.
Just the way You Are (and others) - Elton John
Uptown Girl - Frankie Valley - Four Seasons
For the Longest Time and So In Love - one of the old Doo-wop groups
Sometimes has a Beatle-ish sound
He's pretty good no matter who he is imitating.
Ramsey Lewis Trio tip for this post: Save money at restaurants by ordering water with lemon and adding sugar from the table. Lemonade. Also, when you pay the bill, pay the amount of the check and leave valuable coupons as tips, like 5 Junior Roast Beef sandwiches for $5 at Harveys. Or, order one pizza and get one of equal size and number of toppings free at Pizza Nut! That way, he can learn to save also. Always park near the door, facing out!
I know you have big plans for MLK day already, but have you thought about Ground Hogs Day. This year it's on a Monday, but you can celebrate on Friday or Saturday. Most people forget this one, I guess because the marketers haven't found a way to get everyone to buy Ground Hog Day cards or chocolates. I don't know why they can't sell little chocolate Ground Hogs and have a Ground Hog Dance. It would be so cool and in the spirit of diversity, I think we should celebrate! Be sure to watch "Ground Hog Day" with Bill Murray. Bytheway, I don't like Bill Murray! I guess that's why he's in two movies I mentioned in the post, that I like. He is obnoxious in both. So there!
Please consider it. I plan to build my retirement around the promotions. Afterall, someone had to invent Valentines Day. Sleep tight and don't let the bed bite!
disclaimer: if you don't understand some of this, read ALL of the earlier posts. You wouldn't start reading a recipe or an algebra book from the middle would you? I wouldn't at all! If after you read the other posts, you still don't understand, try bull running or working for the IRS.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Master of My Universe!.
Hello friends,
I am no longer Master of My Universe! Not that I ever really was. In November I gave control of my mouth to my dentist. I no longer control my mouth. I still control the speaking part of it. Then I went to the Physical D. Sounds like another rap group. I have given over control of one of the most important decision making aspects of my life - my diet! He can now tell me not to stop at McDonalds, or order a loaded potatoe (help me Quayle) at my many frequent haunts. No more cokes! I not only love to drink coca-colas, the real ones, but being an Atlanta native, I pledge allegiance to the king of carbonation! At work, in my cube. I have a collection of coke cans and bottles, that goes back to 1991 wheb the Braves were in their hayday. Forget the Braves, coke stays the same year end and year out. Except that breif time when the evil one persuaded them to vary from the original formula and create New Coke. There was almost a mutiny over that.I believe it was all a ploy to make people crave the old formula even more. Now, 20 years later, we still have Classic Coke. But where is the New Coke - cast, I believe into the lake of fire, with all of the off brands. Now, in my cube, the thirtysomething cans and bottles, that entomb Classic coke are calling to me, imploring me to open just one. How sweet could it be? I'm not caving.
We went to Logan's tonite. The first resturant stop since the dreaded diet. It was pretty good. I had steak, house salad and shewered vegetables. My one indulgence was regular 1000 islands dressing. The vegetables were impaled on a skewer as if the mighty hunter had swooped them off the vine in a violent plunging, stabbing motion and slung them over his back until he reached home and flung them onto the grill, still kicking and screaming. I knew a guy in high school who claimed after ingesting something stronger than coca-cola, that his french fries were screaming as he ate them. It was enough to make him want to quit and me never to start. Not that it was a temptation anyhow. I never liked to smoke anything, never liked pills and was deathly afraid of injections. Fear can be a good thing.
Well, on top of all that, I have enrolled in the Ramsey Lewis Trio financial blessing club. Lest you think I'm making it up, the RLT was the original artist for "The In Crowd", you know, I'm in with the in crowd-I go where the in crowd goes. I had some exciting plans for all of the money I'm not actualy making this year. Usually, if I know some extra money might be coming, I plan about 5 different ways to use it, none of them involving saving or paying down debt. Mr. Ramsey will no doubt say that I should finish paying for the things I bought in previous years with the money I didn't have then. I say forgive and forget! Why do I do these things to myself?! Now I can't eat what I want, buy what I want, and the money I spent at the torture chamber was enough to buy to recliners, which I really need for my health. The cruise would have improved my health too. I wonder if my insurance would cover that? I really wanted those hardwood floors, like in the 50's. Whoever thought wall to wall carpet was cool?! The In Crowd says hardwoods are cool! If I had hardwoods I could look at them and say, my, my! That's worth something! Two vibrating, heated recliners could save us beceaus of money. It's much cheaper than a new sleep number bed, even cheaper that the knock-off sleep letter bed. I could get A's in sleeping! I wouldn't need a chiropracter. I could turn the thermostat down! I believe I just found the money for the cruise! I'm a little sad about the gas prices going down because I was actually saving money. If you go the same route to and from work, school, the mall or whatever, exactly half of the miles are downhill. No matter where you live or where you go! Sooo, you should be able to coast at least half of the miles, and up to 59% when you count momentum. And guess what, the balder your tires, the faster they roll. Just put about 8 more psi of O'bama air in the tires and make one of those trips to the bank and back. So you can withdraw some of the money you're saving. The more you drive, the more you save. Now, when the prices go down, how much can you save? Did you know that the more electricity you use in the summer, the more it costs? And the opposite is true in the winter. (check with your provider) So, use all you want in the summer and don't pay it until winter when the rates go down. Simple. Think outside the box. I have a friend who partakes of some of the finest food by attending weddings. Ever go to a wedding and no one knows who this one guy is? It's my buddy! He doesn't know anyone there and they don't know him, but they're eating, drinking and having a splendid time. He doesn't even have to bring a gift, but if he wants to, on the way out, he just slips an envelope in the grooms pocket. It would be impolite to look. You can travel cheap also. A relative of a relative travels to another state, looks in the local phone book, finds someone with his name, calls them up and next thing you know he has new relatives, accomodations, good company and breakfast! Looking for cheap thrills? Don't blow your money at the amusement park! Just ride the Marta bus! Or find a no tresspassing sign and then tresspass it! You're sure to get more excitement out of this than a chicken on Col Sanders farm!
It might not be so bad, like they say, when life hands you a lemom, make lemon pie! yumm!
I am no longer Master of My Universe! Not that I ever really was. In November I gave control of my mouth to my dentist. I no longer control my mouth. I still control the speaking part of it. Then I went to the Physical D. Sounds like another rap group. I have given over control of one of the most important decision making aspects of my life - my diet! He can now tell me not to stop at McDonalds, or order a loaded potatoe (help me Quayle) at my many frequent haunts. No more cokes! I not only love to drink coca-colas, the real ones, but being an Atlanta native, I pledge allegiance to the king of carbonation! At work, in my cube. I have a collection of coke cans and bottles, that goes back to 1991 wheb the Braves were in their hayday. Forget the Braves, coke stays the same year end and year out. Except that breif time when the evil one persuaded them to vary from the original formula and create New Coke. There was almost a mutiny over that.I believe it was all a ploy to make people crave the old formula even more. Now, 20 years later, we still have Classic Coke. But where is the New Coke - cast, I believe into the lake of fire, with all of the off brands. Now, in my cube, the thirtysomething cans and bottles, that entomb Classic coke are calling to me, imploring me to open just one. How sweet could it be? I'm not caving.
We went to Logan's tonite. The first resturant stop since the dreaded diet. It was pretty good. I had steak, house salad and shewered vegetables. My one indulgence was regular 1000 islands dressing. The vegetables were impaled on a skewer as if the mighty hunter had swooped them off the vine in a violent plunging, stabbing motion and slung them over his back until he reached home and flung them onto the grill, still kicking and screaming. I knew a guy in high school who claimed after ingesting something stronger than coca-cola, that his french fries were screaming as he ate them. It was enough to make him want to quit and me never to start. Not that it was a temptation anyhow. I never liked to smoke anything, never liked pills and was deathly afraid of injections. Fear can be a good thing.
Well, on top of all that, I have enrolled in the Ramsey Lewis Trio financial blessing club. Lest you think I'm making it up, the RLT was the original artist for "The In Crowd", you know, I'm in with the in crowd-I go where the in crowd goes. I had some exciting plans for all of the money I'm not actualy making this year. Usually, if I know some extra money might be coming, I plan about 5 different ways to use it, none of them involving saving or paying down debt. Mr. Ramsey will no doubt say that I should finish paying for the things I bought in previous years with the money I didn't have then. I say forgive and forget! Why do I do these things to myself?! Now I can't eat what I want, buy what I want, and the money I spent at the torture chamber was enough to buy to recliners, which I really need for my health. The cruise would have improved my health too. I wonder if my insurance would cover that? I really wanted those hardwood floors, like in the 50's. Whoever thought wall to wall carpet was cool?! The In Crowd says hardwoods are cool! If I had hardwoods I could look at them and say, my, my! That's worth something! Two vibrating, heated recliners could save us beceaus of money. It's much cheaper than a new sleep number bed, even cheaper that the knock-off sleep letter bed. I could get A's in sleeping! I wouldn't need a chiropracter. I could turn the thermostat down! I believe I just found the money for the cruise! I'm a little sad about the gas prices going down because I was actually saving money. If you go the same route to and from work, school, the mall or whatever, exactly half of the miles are downhill. No matter where you live or where you go! Sooo, you should be able to coast at least half of the miles, and up to 59% when you count momentum. And guess what, the balder your tires, the faster they roll. Just put about 8 more psi of O'bama air in the tires and make one of those trips to the bank and back. So you can withdraw some of the money you're saving. The more you drive, the more you save. Now, when the prices go down, how much can you save? Did you know that the more electricity you use in the summer, the more it costs? And the opposite is true in the winter. (check with your provider) So, use all you want in the summer and don't pay it until winter when the rates go down. Simple. Think outside the box. I have a friend who partakes of some of the finest food by attending weddings. Ever go to a wedding and no one knows who this one guy is? It's my buddy! He doesn't know anyone there and they don't know him, but they're eating, drinking and having a splendid time. He doesn't even have to bring a gift, but if he wants to, on the way out, he just slips an envelope in the grooms pocket. It would be impolite to look. You can travel cheap also. A relative of a relative travels to another state, looks in the local phone book, finds someone with his name, calls them up and next thing you know he has new relatives, accomodations, good company and breakfast! Looking for cheap thrills? Don't blow your money at the amusement park! Just ride the Marta bus! Or find a no tresspassing sign and then tresspass it! You're sure to get more excitement out of this than a chicken on Col Sanders farm!
It might not be so bad, like they say, when life hands you a lemom, make lemon pie! yumm!
Saturday, January 3, 2009
God in Rock N Roll
Hi Guys!
This is going to be a little different. I do like rock n roll and I love God, so I'm writing about both. If you like both, or at least one, you might enjoy this. If not, check my next post. It will be different!
HERE GOES!
Ever since I was a teenager, I have been interested in Christian phrases, or God in rock and roll. I‘m not saying that all or any of the writers or performers of this music are or are not Christians. I’m just saying, if you look for it, it is there. Keep in mind, a lot of rock n rollers got their musical roots singing in church choirs. Strange, but true. Brian Wilson (Beach Boys) claimed to write the first rock n roll song with God in the title, “God Only Knows“.
I may not always love you,
But long as there are stars above you,
You never need to doubt it,
I’ll make you so sure about it.
God only knows what I’d be without you
Great song-great album. It was from the album, Pet Sounds. Not deep in theology, but very cool! Brian said it was to be a teenage symphony to God. Paul McCartney loved this album so much he would cry while listening to it. He bought a copy for each of his children and said their music education would not be complete without it.
How about “Jesus Is Just Alright With Me“. I don’t know who wrote this. I am more familiar with the Byrds version, but it seems the Doobie Brothers may have been first. Also it seems like The Flock and probably others covered this song.
Jesus is just alright with me,
Jesus is just alright with me,
Jesus is just alright with me
Jesus is just alright, oh yeah!
I don’t care what they may say,
I don’t care what they may do,
I don’t care what they may say,
Jesus is just alright, oh yeah!
Not heavy lyrics, but I was glad they were willing to identify with Jesus. Now I’m not completely green! I know some of these guys were into drugs and who knows what else. I not taking in their lifestyle, just some of their words.
Then there’s a strange one from Norman Greenbaum. How much more obviously Jewish of a name can you have. I’ve heard this one played by the band in our church. “Spirit in the Sky”. Yep, written and performed by Norman Greenbaum. I read that he did it as a lark. He should have had more larks. It was a 'one hit wonder', written in the early seventies and it’s still played today.
Spirit In The Sky
When I die and they lay me to rest
Gonna go to the place that's the best
When I lay me down to die
Goin' up to the spirit in the sky
Goin' up to the spirit in the sky
That's where I'm gonna go when I die
When I die and they lay me to rest
Gonna go to the place that's the best
Prepare yourself you know it's a must
Gotta have a friend in Jesus
So you know that when you die
He's gonna recommend you
To the spirit in the sky
Gonna recommend you
To the spirit in the sky
That's where you're gonna go when you die
When you die and they lay you to rest
You're gonna go to the place that's the best
Never been a sinner I never sinned
I got a friend in Jesus
So you know that when I die
He's gonna set me up with
The spirit in the sky
Oh set me up with the spirit in the sky
That's where I'm gonna go when I die
When I die and they lay me to rest
I'm gonna go to the place that's the best
Go to the place that's the best
That part about not being a sinner. Maybe not exactly right, but when we trust in Jesus, he takes on our sins, so Gods sees us as if we had never sinned. You decide.
“Last Kiss“ aka “Oh Where Oh Where Can My Baby Be”
Oh where oh where can my baby be?
The Lord took her away from me.
She’s gone to heaven so I’ve got to be good,
So I can see my baby, when I leave this world.
Original hit by Frankie Wilson and the Cavaliers, later covered by Pearl Jam. Go figure! Very far afield. It was another lost my baby in a car wreck thing. Like “Leader of the Pack” and “I Want my Baby Back”. That was my favorite. The young man loses his girl in a car accident. You hear the screeching tires and busting glass. And then he says, “Over there was my baby, and over there was my baby, and wa-ay over there was my baby”. He ends up digging her grave (baby I dig you so much!) and reassembles her and takes her home. No religious influence that I can remember, just weird!
Then there’s George Harrison‘s “All Things Must Pass“ I listened to that as a teenager during the time when I had real questions and fears. It made me think deeper, which was scary. I later accepted Christ as my savior. Not because of the record, but because Jesus died in my place and I finally understood that because He died and arose, I could live forever in heaven one day. I credit Buford Adams, with making that clear to me. Oh Happy Day” I don’t know who first sang that, but the first I heard and still my favorite was Glen Campbell. That’s as close to country as I get.
O happy day,
Oh happy day,
When Jesus washed.
Oh, when He washed,
He washed my sins away!
Also, I saw the Rascals, formerly Young Rascals on u-tube singing a medley of “People Gotta Be Free” and “Oh Happy Day”. The Rascals are still one of my all time favorites. They sang mostly about peace and love. But some songs were churchy sounding with religious themes. Like “Heaven“
Heaven
Sometimes baby when you're really down
It just doesn't seem to be a ray of hope around
And everybody that you meet
Kinda wears a frown
It's cold and lonely in the heart of town
Got to tell you all
There, there's a place that's called heaven
Don't you ever forget
Now once youve heard about heaven, yeah
I'm gonna get there yet
Other songs the Rascals did were “Glory, Glory” and “I Believe”.
Then there’s the Chambers Brothers, “People Get Ready”.
People get ready, there’s a train a comin’
Picking up passengers from coast to coast.
All you need is faith to hear the diesels hummin,
You don’t need no ticket, you just get on board.
I like that. All you need is faith. Jesus bought your ticket!
Okay, back to George Harrison. He sang “My Sweet Lord” to the tune of “One Fine Day” and was sued for plagiarism. He also did “Isn’t It a Pity” and “All Things Must Pass” which are deep and really make you think. And he did one, I thought a little humorous,
I’ll put the disclaimer up front. You don’t get saved by chanting! You get saved by putting your faith in Jesus, who died on the cross to pay for your sins! I hope George got that straight before he left us! Nevertheless, get what you can from this, if only a laugh! I never picked up the line about the pope and GM before.
Awaiting On Us all!
You don't need no love in
You don't need no bed pan
You don't need a horoscope or a microscope
The see the mess that you're in
If you open up your heart
You will know what I mean
We've been polluted so long
Now here's a way for you to get clean
By chanting the names of the Lord and you'll be free
The Lord is awaiting on you all to awaken and see
Chanting the names of the Lord and you'll be free
The Lord is awaiting on you all to awaken and see
You don't need no passport
And you don't need no visas
You don't need to designate or to emigrate
Before you can see Jesus
If you open up your heart
You'll see he's right there
Always was and will be
He'll relieve you of your cares
By chanting the names of the Lord and you'll be free
The Lord is awaiting on you all to awaken and see
Chanting the names of the Lord and you'll be free
The Lord is awaiting on you all to awaken and see
You don't need no church house
And you don't need no Temple
You don't need no rosary beads or them books to read
To see that you have fallen
If you open up your heart
You will know what I mean
We've been kept down so long
Someone's thinking that we're all green
And while the Pope owns 51% of General Motors
And the stock exchange is the only thing he's qualified to quote us
The Lord is awaiting on you all to awaken and see
By chanting the names of the Lord and you'll be free
Don’t be too quick to judge. I think when we hear chanting and meditating we sort of see a red flag. I know meditation is good, not transcendental meditation. As for chanting, sometimes, seldom, but sometimes in the songs we sing in church, we get quite repetitive, as in chanting, or repeating. Bytheway, I capitalized the "Lords" in that song.
Here’s one by “The Youngbloods”. It’s called “Get Together” and it stands alone
Get Together
Love is but the song we sing,
And fear's the way we die
You can make the mountains ring
Or make the angels cry
Know the dove is on the wing
And you need not know why
C'mon people now,
Smile on your brother
Ev'rybody get together
Try and love one another right now
Some will come and some will go
We shall surely pass
When the one that left us here
Returns for us at last
We are but a moments sunlight
Fading in the grass
C'mon people now,
Smile on your brother
Ev'rybody get together
Try and love one another right now
If you hear the song I sing,
You must understand
You hold the key to love and fear
All in your trembling hand
Just one key unlocks them both
It's there at your command
C'mon people now,
Smile on your brother
Ev'rybody get together
Try and love one another right now
Right now
Right now!
And I’ll leave you with The Byrds” “Turn, Turn Turn” written by Solomon, not to be confused with Donovan.
Turn Turn Turn
To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time for every purpose, under heaven
A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep
To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time for every purpose, under heaven
A time to build up,a time to break down
A time to dance, a time to mourn
A time to cast away stones, a time to gather stones together
To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time for every purpose, under heaven
A time of love, a time of hate
A time of war, a time of peace
A time you may embrace, a time to refrain from embracing
To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time for every purpose, under heaven
A time to gain, a time to lose
A time to rend, a time to sew
A time to love, a time to hate
A time for peace, I swear its not too late
Pete Seeger adapted this song from Ecclesiastes, which required very little adapting. One far wiser then he, King Solomon, under the direction of God himself, wrote the words. Pete wrote Turn turn turn turn turn turn etc and I swear it’s not too late.
Hope you enjoyed this. I’ll come up with some more another time. If you think of some, please drop a comment.
This is going to be a little different. I do like rock n roll and I love God, so I'm writing about both. If you like both, or at least one, you might enjoy this. If not, check my next post. It will be different!
HERE GOES!
Ever since I was a teenager, I have been interested in Christian phrases, or God in rock and roll. I‘m not saying that all or any of the writers or performers of this music are or are not Christians. I’m just saying, if you look for it, it is there. Keep in mind, a lot of rock n rollers got their musical roots singing in church choirs. Strange, but true. Brian Wilson (Beach Boys) claimed to write the first rock n roll song with God in the title, “God Only Knows“.
I may not always love you,
But long as there are stars above you,
You never need to doubt it,
I’ll make you so sure about it.
God only knows what I’d be without you
Great song-great album. It was from the album, Pet Sounds. Not deep in theology, but very cool! Brian said it was to be a teenage symphony to God. Paul McCartney loved this album so much he would cry while listening to it. He bought a copy for each of his children and said their music education would not be complete without it.
How about “Jesus Is Just Alright With Me“. I don’t know who wrote this. I am more familiar with the Byrds version, but it seems the Doobie Brothers may have been first. Also it seems like The Flock and probably others covered this song.
Jesus is just alright with me,
Jesus is just alright with me,
Jesus is just alright with me
Jesus is just alright, oh yeah!
I don’t care what they may say,
I don’t care what they may do,
I don’t care what they may say,
Jesus is just alright, oh yeah!
Not heavy lyrics, but I was glad they were willing to identify with Jesus. Now I’m not completely green! I know some of these guys were into drugs and who knows what else. I not taking in their lifestyle, just some of their words.
Then there’s a strange one from Norman Greenbaum. How much more obviously Jewish of a name can you have. I’ve heard this one played by the band in our church. “Spirit in the Sky”. Yep, written and performed by Norman Greenbaum. I read that he did it as a lark. He should have had more larks. It was a 'one hit wonder', written in the early seventies and it’s still played today.
Spirit In The Sky
When I die and they lay me to rest
Gonna go to the place that's the best
When I lay me down to die
Goin' up to the spirit in the sky
Goin' up to the spirit in the sky
That's where I'm gonna go when I die
When I die and they lay me to rest
Gonna go to the place that's the best
Prepare yourself you know it's a must
Gotta have a friend in Jesus
So you know that when you die
He's gonna recommend you
To the spirit in the sky
Gonna recommend you
To the spirit in the sky
That's where you're gonna go when you die
When you die and they lay you to rest
You're gonna go to the place that's the best
Never been a sinner I never sinned
I got a friend in Jesus
So you know that when I die
He's gonna set me up with
The spirit in the sky
Oh set me up with the spirit in the sky
That's where I'm gonna go when I die
When I die and they lay me to rest
I'm gonna go to the place that's the best
Go to the place that's the best
That part about not being a sinner. Maybe not exactly right, but when we trust in Jesus, he takes on our sins, so Gods sees us as if we had never sinned. You decide.
“Last Kiss“ aka “Oh Where Oh Where Can My Baby Be”
Oh where oh where can my baby be?
The Lord took her away from me.
She’s gone to heaven so I’ve got to be good,
So I can see my baby, when I leave this world.
Original hit by Frankie Wilson and the Cavaliers, later covered by Pearl Jam. Go figure! Very far afield. It was another lost my baby in a car wreck thing. Like “Leader of the Pack” and “I Want my Baby Back”. That was my favorite. The young man loses his girl in a car accident. You hear the screeching tires and busting glass. And then he says, “Over there was my baby, and over there was my baby, and wa-ay over there was my baby”. He ends up digging her grave (baby I dig you so much!) and reassembles her and takes her home. No religious influence that I can remember, just weird!
Then there’s George Harrison‘s “All Things Must Pass“ I listened to that as a teenager during the time when I had real questions and fears. It made me think deeper, which was scary. I later accepted Christ as my savior. Not because of the record, but because Jesus died in my place and I finally understood that because He died and arose, I could live forever in heaven one day. I credit Buford Adams, with making that clear to me. Oh Happy Day” I don’t know who first sang that, but the first I heard and still my favorite was Glen Campbell. That’s as close to country as I get.
O happy day,
Oh happy day,
When Jesus washed.
Oh, when He washed,
He washed my sins away!
Also, I saw the Rascals, formerly Young Rascals on u-tube singing a medley of “People Gotta Be Free” and “Oh Happy Day”. The Rascals are still one of my all time favorites. They sang mostly about peace and love. But some songs were churchy sounding with religious themes. Like “Heaven“
Heaven
Sometimes baby when you're really down
It just doesn't seem to be a ray of hope around
And everybody that you meet
Kinda wears a frown
It's cold and lonely in the heart of town
Got to tell you all
There, there's a place that's called heaven
Don't you ever forget
Now once youve heard about heaven, yeah
I'm gonna get there yet
Other songs the Rascals did were “Glory, Glory” and “I Believe”.
Then there’s the Chambers Brothers, “People Get Ready”.
People get ready, there’s a train a comin’
Picking up passengers from coast to coast.
All you need is faith to hear the diesels hummin,
You don’t need no ticket, you just get on board.
I like that. All you need is faith. Jesus bought your ticket!
Okay, back to George Harrison. He sang “My Sweet Lord” to the tune of “One Fine Day” and was sued for plagiarism. He also did “Isn’t It a Pity” and “All Things Must Pass” which are deep and really make you think. And he did one, I thought a little humorous,
I’ll put the disclaimer up front. You don’t get saved by chanting! You get saved by putting your faith in Jesus, who died on the cross to pay for your sins! I hope George got that straight before he left us! Nevertheless, get what you can from this, if only a laugh! I never picked up the line about the pope and GM before.
Awaiting On Us all!
You don't need no love in
You don't need no bed pan
You don't need a horoscope or a microscope
The see the mess that you're in
If you open up your heart
You will know what I mean
We've been polluted so long
Now here's a way for you to get clean
By chanting the names of the Lord and you'll be free
The Lord is awaiting on you all to awaken and see
Chanting the names of the Lord and you'll be free
The Lord is awaiting on you all to awaken and see
You don't need no passport
And you don't need no visas
You don't need to designate or to emigrate
Before you can see Jesus
If you open up your heart
You'll see he's right there
Always was and will be
He'll relieve you of your cares
By chanting the names of the Lord and you'll be free
The Lord is awaiting on you all to awaken and see
Chanting the names of the Lord and you'll be free
The Lord is awaiting on you all to awaken and see
You don't need no church house
And you don't need no Temple
You don't need no rosary beads or them books to read
To see that you have fallen
If you open up your heart
You will know what I mean
We've been kept down so long
Someone's thinking that we're all green
And while the Pope owns 51% of General Motors
And the stock exchange is the only thing he's qualified to quote us
The Lord is awaiting on you all to awaken and see
By chanting the names of the Lord and you'll be free
Don’t be too quick to judge. I think when we hear chanting and meditating we sort of see a red flag. I know meditation is good, not transcendental meditation. As for chanting, sometimes, seldom, but sometimes in the songs we sing in church, we get quite repetitive, as in chanting, or repeating. Bytheway, I capitalized the "Lords" in that song.
Here’s one by “The Youngbloods”. It’s called “Get Together” and it stands alone
Get Together
Love is but the song we sing,
And fear's the way we die
You can make the mountains ring
Or make the angels cry
Know the dove is on the wing
And you need not know why
C'mon people now,
Smile on your brother
Ev'rybody get together
Try and love one another right now
Some will come and some will go
We shall surely pass
When the one that left us here
Returns for us at last
We are but a moments sunlight
Fading in the grass
C'mon people now,
Smile on your brother
Ev'rybody get together
Try and love one another right now
If you hear the song I sing,
You must understand
You hold the key to love and fear
All in your trembling hand
Just one key unlocks them both
It's there at your command
C'mon people now,
Smile on your brother
Ev'rybody get together
Try and love one another right now
Right now
Right now!
And I’ll leave you with The Byrds” “Turn, Turn Turn” written by Solomon, not to be confused with Donovan.
Turn Turn Turn
To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time for every purpose, under heaven
A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep
To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time for every purpose, under heaven
A time to build up,a time to break down
A time to dance, a time to mourn
A time to cast away stones, a time to gather stones together
To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time for every purpose, under heaven
A time of love, a time of hate
A time of war, a time of peace
A time you may embrace, a time to refrain from embracing
To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time for every purpose, under heaven
A time to gain, a time to lose
A time to rend, a time to sew
A time to love, a time to hate
A time for peace, I swear its not too late
Pete Seeger adapted this song from Ecclesiastes, which required very little adapting. One far wiser then he, King Solomon, under the direction of God himself, wrote the words. Pete wrote Turn turn turn turn turn turn etc and I swear it’s not too late.
Hope you enjoyed this. I’ll come up with some more another time. If you think of some, please drop a comment.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Shloumping in Fayetteville!
Hello Friends!
Yesterday, I went shloumping in Fayetteville and it changed my life! Shloumping? Well, I sorta went slumming, but was shopping too, so I call it shloumping. My main objective was to get to the doctors office at 2:45. One thing I've learned, I think that's 19 things, so far. Maybe I'll learn another thing in 2009. One thing I learned is when there is some unpleasant business or event, to mix something good with it. When, Jacob, my oldest, was just 2 years old, he cut his ear lobe. It was just dangling! I took him to the emergency room, but on the way, we stopped and got a tootsie pop. It made things a little better. If I ever get injured, please stop by Longhorns and get me a big, thick, juicy steak and a big ole baked potatoe, (help me Quayle). And a real coke! When I went to the dentist, it was Christmas time and the Christmas music made it more pleasant. I stopped at McDonalds and ordered a number one, large. That's a Big Mac with mondo fries, monsoon coke and mom's apple pie. Aka M&M&M&M. My last meal before biting the big one! There's this place I always pass going into Fayetteville on Hwy 54. It;s called Jordan's Salvage or Jordan's Junk, or something like that. It's this shack that's on the block before you get to the Fayetteville Courthouse Square. This shack is filled from floor to ceiling with junk. The double doors are open and you really can't walk inside because it's that full. On the outside, there is junk piled about 7 feet high all the way around the building. The back yard is like that too! There are little paths between the junk that you can walk thru at your own risk. There are no signs or warnings, but the broken glass which seems to decorate these paths, suggest that there is some risk. It's like a junk maize. You could get lost in there! And it really is junk. Take it from someone who knows. I used to go to the county landfill in Lovejoy. Wouldn't you like to live in a town called Love-joy? I can see the towns people brainstorming for names. They might suggest names like hanging dog or break wind, but this dear sweet lady said she would like her home town to be called Love-joy. When I went to the Lovejoy landfill, now there's an oxymoron, I used to drop stuff off and then look for treasures to bring back from the dump. So, I know junk! They had broken plastic chairs. rusted out bed frames, old appliances, parts of bicycles, car wheels, lawn mower wheels and such. They actually had kitchen sinks! And an assortment of toilets. You could pick up an old toilet with the now illegal oversize tank! The one thing I saw that could be a cash and carry item for me was window frames. They had a big selection of window frames, complete with glass, for $5 each, any size. I told the man I'd have to see if my wife would let me have them. She generally frowns on me bringing junk home. We went out with Kelly to Longhorns last night and I was telling them about my shloumping adventure and Cheryl said, "You know, I'd like to get some window frames from that place". I crawled back out from under the table, where I had fallen and listened in disbelief. Kelly said she had a window frame at her house for such a purpose. Oh yeah, my original idea was to hang these on my living room wall with pictures or artwork or something placed in each of the panes. The two people I was with, had already thought of it. The waiter knew about it and the people at the next booth already had one! It appears the most original idea I had was checking with my wife. Back to Longhorns. I figured on one last meal with every thing I wanted, including baked potatoe. (help me Quayle). It was good. A thick juicy Renegade. They say you are what you eat! That's me! The other night I had a Bourbon St steak. Fortunately, that's not me. No, I'm a renegade, a wild and crazy guy! When I was sixteen I used to visit Burger King and get a Whaler (fish sandwich) and a strawberry shake. There were no numbers or combos then. Real men ordered real food by it's name! I ate my whaler and then headed for the highway. I slid behind the wheel of my blue chevy in my t-shirt and cut-offs, with my strawberry shake. The Young Rascals was blaring on the cassette player and I was - devil may care - barefooted. That was double rebellion! Perhaps, re-rebellion! Was I worried about being caught? Heck no! I was a Renegade!
Back to shloumping! I went to Barns and Nobles, didn't see either one there. Then I went to Best Buys. That's where I struck gold. I found THE Otis Redding CD! Not this Dock in the Bay stuff! That's a good song, his biggest hit. It was released right before or after his death, which always pumps up a good song. But DIB was not representative of his complete body of work. Otis Redding died in a plane crash on December 10 1967. For two years after his demise, they kept playing new hits by Otis Redding. He and Elvis are probably playing golf on some island with John Kennedy and Marilyn Monroe! He was 26 years old when he "died". I was 13. My sister, Martha, had a great deal of influence over my music appreciation. She was 4 years older than I and ripe for American Bandstand. She had a little green transistor radio. Translate cordless! You could get Chubby Checker, Fats Domino, Neil Sedaka, Ricky Nelson and all the greats. She was a Beatle fanatic, with posters albums, cards, Beatle comb and all of that. She had an Otis Redding album that was tops. In the last few years, I had my eyes out for that. I bought a cd, which was good, but not the same. Yesterday, I found "Love Man". Twelve of the greatest hits, ever, from the "Big O". There was one Vietnamese guy in our school, Kim Snyder, and he had a red MG Midget, which is a tiny 2 seater sports car. It was for sale! He gave me a ride in it. I loved it! This little go-kart of a car, with loud muffler, four on the floor, top down, undulating tachometer! I loved it all! But to top it all off the "Big O" was on the radio, singing "Direct Me", a really cool piece of East Coast music. I never forgot it! I finally got a red Sebring convertible, not quite the same heart throbbing effect of the little Midget, but it suits me well. I also now I have Otis Redding on the cd as he should be. Everyone says it's a midlife crisis, but it started at about about age 14 when my cousin from Michigan came down with his 64 Lemans 4 speed convertible. It was a step down from the GTO, nevertheless, very cool. I loved the car. So it's a lifelong crisis!
One day while shloumping in McDonough at the Salvation Army store, I found a box full of cassette tapes for a couple of bucks, which I was glad to part with. It contained Byrds, Chicago, CCR, Paul Simon, Hall and Oates? and 3 Billy Joel tapes. I became a Billy Joel fan. Cool? Maybe not, but I liked it. The best tape broke. I thought about returning it, but it would take $4 worth of gas to get my 13 cents back. So I finally replaced it with a cd. I haven't listened to it yet, but it will be great! I know. Then I went to Big Lots to do the domestic thing and look at knives and tumblers. Then it was time for the doctors office. I was prepared for the worst. But not the 2 hour wait. nonetheless, I was thankful that I was not sick and miserable for those two hours. I was prepared to have to spend $300 a month for blood pressure, blood sugar, and triglyceride reducing meds. I was expecting him to say it's a miracle you made it this far, but perhaps I can restore you to some quality of life! But he didn't! He gave me the mildest bp med and put me on probation. If I can lose 140 pounds in 3 weeks, I should be just fine! I am now motivated! Starting January 1st, I am a changed man! I will eat right, drink right, sleep right, think right, write right. But until then...I'll do my worst! My mother used to say "Phooey on the Write-Right!" She used to work for that company. They made writing tablets as they used to call them. I guess that was her expression when she got aggravated with them. She was still saying that 40 years after she left them!
The Walt Lewis Project is officially under construction! Improvements to come! Update to the nearest version. Delete the old one! 2009 should be a great year!
Here's to starvation! Hope y'all have a great day and find something to be happy about!
Remember, Jesus loves you!
disclaimer: if you don't understand some of this, read ALL of the earlier posts. You wouldn't start reading a recipe or an algebra book from the middle would you? I wouldn't at all! If after you read the other posts, you still don't understand, try bull running or working for the IRS.
Yesterday, I went shloumping in Fayetteville and it changed my life! Shloumping? Well, I sorta went slumming, but was shopping too, so I call it shloumping. My main objective was to get to the doctors office at 2:45. One thing I've learned, I think that's 19 things, so far. Maybe I'll learn another thing in 2009. One thing I learned is when there is some unpleasant business or event, to mix something good with it. When, Jacob, my oldest, was just 2 years old, he cut his ear lobe. It was just dangling! I took him to the emergency room, but on the way, we stopped and got a tootsie pop. It made things a little better. If I ever get injured, please stop by Longhorns and get me a big, thick, juicy steak and a big ole baked potatoe, (help me Quayle). And a real coke! When I went to the dentist, it was Christmas time and the Christmas music made it more pleasant. I stopped at McDonalds and ordered a number one, large. That's a Big Mac with mondo fries, monsoon coke and mom's apple pie. Aka M&M&M&M. My last meal before biting the big one! There's this place I always pass going into Fayetteville on Hwy 54. It;s called Jordan's Salvage or Jordan's Junk, or something like that. It's this shack that's on the block before you get to the Fayetteville Courthouse Square. This shack is filled from floor to ceiling with junk. The double doors are open and you really can't walk inside because it's that full. On the outside, there is junk piled about 7 feet high all the way around the building. The back yard is like that too! There are little paths between the junk that you can walk thru at your own risk. There are no signs or warnings, but the broken glass which seems to decorate these paths, suggest that there is some risk. It's like a junk maize. You could get lost in there! And it really is junk. Take it from someone who knows. I used to go to the county landfill in Lovejoy. Wouldn't you like to live in a town called Love-joy? I can see the towns people brainstorming for names. They might suggest names like hanging dog or break wind, but this dear sweet lady said she would like her home town to be called Love-joy. When I went to the Lovejoy landfill, now there's an oxymoron, I used to drop stuff off and then look for treasures to bring back from the dump. So, I know junk! They had broken plastic chairs. rusted out bed frames, old appliances, parts of bicycles, car wheels, lawn mower wheels and such. They actually had kitchen sinks! And an assortment of toilets. You could pick up an old toilet with the now illegal oversize tank! The one thing I saw that could be a cash and carry item for me was window frames. They had a big selection of window frames, complete with glass, for $5 each, any size. I told the man I'd have to see if my wife would let me have them. She generally frowns on me bringing junk home. We went out with Kelly to Longhorns last night and I was telling them about my shloumping adventure and Cheryl said, "You know, I'd like to get some window frames from that place". I crawled back out from under the table, where I had fallen and listened in disbelief. Kelly said she had a window frame at her house for such a purpose. Oh yeah, my original idea was to hang these on my living room wall with pictures or artwork or something placed in each of the panes. The two people I was with, had already thought of it. The waiter knew about it and the people at the next booth already had one! It appears the most original idea I had was checking with my wife. Back to Longhorns. I figured on one last meal with every thing I wanted, including baked potatoe. (help me Quayle). It was good. A thick juicy Renegade. They say you are what you eat! That's me! The other night I had a Bourbon St steak. Fortunately, that's not me. No, I'm a renegade, a wild and crazy guy! When I was sixteen I used to visit Burger King and get a Whaler (fish sandwich) and a strawberry shake. There were no numbers or combos then. Real men ordered real food by it's name! I ate my whaler and then headed for the highway. I slid behind the wheel of my blue chevy in my t-shirt and cut-offs, with my strawberry shake. The Young Rascals was blaring on the cassette player and I was - devil may care - barefooted. That was double rebellion! Perhaps, re-rebellion! Was I worried about being caught? Heck no! I was a Renegade!
Back to shloumping! I went to Barns and Nobles, didn't see either one there. Then I went to Best Buys. That's where I struck gold. I found THE Otis Redding CD! Not this Dock in the Bay stuff! That's a good song, his biggest hit. It was released right before or after his death, which always pumps up a good song. But DIB was not representative of his complete body of work. Otis Redding died in a plane crash on December 10 1967. For two years after his demise, they kept playing new hits by Otis Redding. He and Elvis are probably playing golf on some island with John Kennedy and Marilyn Monroe! He was 26 years old when he "died". I was 13. My sister, Martha, had a great deal of influence over my music appreciation. She was 4 years older than I and ripe for American Bandstand. She had a little green transistor radio. Translate cordless! You could get Chubby Checker, Fats Domino, Neil Sedaka, Ricky Nelson and all the greats. She was a Beatle fanatic, with posters albums, cards, Beatle comb and all of that. She had an Otis Redding album that was tops. In the last few years, I had my eyes out for that. I bought a cd, which was good, but not the same. Yesterday, I found "Love Man". Twelve of the greatest hits, ever, from the "Big O". There was one Vietnamese guy in our school, Kim Snyder, and he had a red MG Midget, which is a tiny 2 seater sports car. It was for sale! He gave me a ride in it. I loved it! This little go-kart of a car, with loud muffler, four on the floor, top down, undulating tachometer! I loved it all! But to top it all off the "Big O" was on the radio, singing "Direct Me", a really cool piece of East Coast music. I never forgot it! I finally got a red Sebring convertible, not quite the same heart throbbing effect of the little Midget, but it suits me well. I also now I have Otis Redding on the cd as he should be. Everyone says it's a midlife crisis, but it started at about about age 14 when my cousin from Michigan came down with his 64 Lemans 4 speed convertible. It was a step down from the GTO, nevertheless, very cool. I loved the car. So it's a lifelong crisis!
One day while shloumping in McDonough at the Salvation Army store, I found a box full of cassette tapes for a couple of bucks, which I was glad to part with. It contained Byrds, Chicago, CCR, Paul Simon, Hall and Oates? and 3 Billy Joel tapes. I became a Billy Joel fan. Cool? Maybe not, but I liked it. The best tape broke. I thought about returning it, but it would take $4 worth of gas to get my 13 cents back. So I finally replaced it with a cd. I haven't listened to it yet, but it will be great! I know. Then I went to Big Lots to do the domestic thing and look at knives and tumblers. Then it was time for the doctors office. I was prepared for the worst. But not the 2 hour wait. nonetheless, I was thankful that I was not sick and miserable for those two hours. I was prepared to have to spend $300 a month for blood pressure, blood sugar, and triglyceride reducing meds. I was expecting him to say it's a miracle you made it this far, but perhaps I can restore you to some quality of life! But he didn't! He gave me the mildest bp med and put me on probation. If I can lose 140 pounds in 3 weeks, I should be just fine! I am now motivated! Starting January 1st, I am a changed man! I will eat right, drink right, sleep right, think right, write right. But until then...I'll do my worst! My mother used to say "Phooey on the Write-Right!" She used to work for that company. They made writing tablets as they used to call them. I guess that was her expression when she got aggravated with them. She was still saying that 40 years after she left them!
The Walt Lewis Project is officially under construction! Improvements to come! Update to the nearest version. Delete the old one! 2009 should be a great year!
Here's to starvation! Hope y'all have a great day and find something to be happy about!
Remember, Jesus loves you!
disclaimer: if you don't understand some of this, read ALL of the earlier posts. You wouldn't start reading a recipe or an algebra book from the middle would you? I wouldn't at all! If after you read the other posts, you still don't understand, try bull running or working for the IRS.
Friday, December 26, 2008
So this is Christmas!
Hello Christians!
I assume that since you all celebrated Christ-mas that you must be Christ-ones. Otherwise, what in the world were you thinking! I think it's so great that the most wonderful holiday of the year, is the one where we celebrate the birth of the only super-hero of all time - our savior Jesus Christ, the only son of God. Now, who are the hypocrites! Could it be the ones who celebrate that which they do not believe? Well 'nuff said!
Bytheway, you probably know my title is from a John Lennon song. How ironic! I really don't know what to write about. I'm kind of like Mr. Ed, the horse who will never talk, unless he has something to say. There was nothing ironic, dumb or scary about the last couple of days! I won't bore you with the details, because you probably had a grandbaby at your house who was the cutest thing too. She probably kissed her presents and carried them around. She probably stood on her head and sat in your laps and gave you hugs and kisses too. You probably got nice gifts like movies, including Jimmy Stewart, and a model 68 Camaro like the one you drove in the 70's and a cool game like the baby boomers retirement game. You have to be over 40 just to play that one. There were other gifts like nice clothes that fit, cosmetics, Elmo, Jack in the Box, digital photo albums, shavers and a thing that shines all kinds of light patters and colors on the ceiling. Too bad we weren't playing white elephant. I would have taken that one. Well, not from Raegan. She's only 20 months old and I'm 663. And the food! You probably had food too! You probably had hamburger casserole, the one casserole I like, roast turkey, deviled eggs, stewed apples, Watergate salad, muffins, cinnamon bread, and cheese cake for desert. We played the sequence game. There were other gifts like Auburn Deli Mustard, Ga Deli Mustard, penguin ties and a Curious George book for one young at heart.
It was a fun day. It really wiped me out! There was little sarcasm or dumbness or irony there, which usually gets me started. There was much laughter but mostly out of joy at no ones expense. I could have just said it was nice! But then yours was probably nice too!
I'm on vacation and guess what I'm doing? Okay, you know what I'm doing unless you failed the old army test and don't know your gluteus maximas from a hole in the ground. Speaking of, my maximus is somewhat enlarged with all of the Christmas eating. I'll have to work on that. In fact, I'm going to the doctor on Monday, I think, or Tuesday. It doesn't matter. It's a foregone conclusion. My special wife (only wife, in case you're wondering and I'm not taking applications. Maybe tryouts but no applications. just kidding-very kidding. no responses anyway) Back to the unparenthesis. My wife, whom I love, has already seen my blood work and diagnosed my predicament. She is a nurse. Every family should have one. A wife and a nurse. I already know that my bad cholesterol is bad and even my good cholesterol is bad. My number one daughter in law, Kelly informed me that I am evil and she is right. The dentist knew it and now I'm going to the doctor. My cholesterol is evil. Even the good one is evil. I have bad blood pressure and bad blood sugar. So there! Confession is good for the soul. I'm told I will have to take Lipitor. That sounds like a bullfighter with an attitude!. I will take you, stupid bull, and stick swords in your back, until you say "tio", that's "uncle" in spanish. Not to be confused with Theo from the Bill Cosby show. I don't like bull fighting. It takes little courage. If the bull is too mean, they come out and do the pin cushion thing with 5 foot swords in the back. What takes courage, and a quart of Tequila, is running down those narrow streets of Pamplona, Spain with 957 other drunken fools, with several wild raging bulls behind you and no swords. Not even a brain to fight with. They sound this horn to release the bulls into the street. They probably think they are racing for their freedom. They are really racing towards doom, captivity in the bull ring. Not a chance the bull could actually win. Then they sound the horn again to let the people know the bulls are in the street. Kind of like tooting your car horn after an accident! The goal of the runners is to feel the bulls breath on their backs. Some people fly from other continents, in airplanes, to do this. This goal is entirely obtainable, The second goal of living thru it, is a little harder. You let the bull get close and then you jump out of the way. Well that's just stupid. Of course the bulls get killed and slaughtered anyway.
This Lipitor, I hear has all kind of side effects, and other effects besides side. I would never take Rogain because of it's side effects. Like it sucks all of the protein from your bones to make hair. Then your bones dissolve and you become a slug like in that movie, where all the guy could do was slither around on the floor or wiggle like jello. He mostly sat there like a pile of hairy mashed potatoes. Help me Quayle! Enough food metaphors. This Lipitor can make your knees weak, make you lose your mind and your liver do back flips. Like when I met my wife! And then there's something for blood pressure. That's good, because I think the reason I appear overweight is because all of my veins and arteries are swollen from the high blood pressure. Maybe I won't need to diet after all. I'm feeling better about this. And then there is blood sugar. Being a true southerner, coke runs in my veins. I will probably go into a depression causing tropical storms and need more meds for that. Look, let's get one thing straight! Down South, "Pop" is always followed by "Goes the Weasel" and soda is something you put in your bath water when you have uh - let's see, what's the medical term - raw maximas. So let's not confuse that with coke. Even if it says pepsi, we still call it coke! I truly believe the additives they put in diet foods are more harmful than just eating sugar and salt. If my sweet wife does want to rub me out, I think she will do it by adding sweet and low or aspartame to my foods. I might just eat grass. I wonder which is best, fescue or bermuda? But then I need to know what's in the fertilizer. Cow dung? And what's in the pesticides, probably aspartame. Maybe I'll go on the subway diet. If only I could start a new exclusive diet and write a book, maybe a movie! Maybe the popcorn diet. You can fix popcorn a thousand different ways..popcorn without butter, popcorn without sugar, popcorn w/o salt, popcorn w/o shrimp, popcorn w/o broccoli-my favorite, But, I'm not giving you the whole list. You'll have to buy the book! I'm not worried about the doctor's visit. I've already been stuck for blood. Oooooh! The lady who took my blood, Dorongodo, I think her ancestors were Zulus or something, not because of the grass skirt or bone in her nose. No, it wasn't even that Watusi thing she was doing. I didn't know you could get blood from under your fingernails! That was new for me! It took about seven tries. I would rather she had just stuck my eyeball. Anyway it's over. I've already had the garden hose up the back alley, so that shouldn't happen. Maybe I'll do that for next Christmas. Then they can play Christmas music instead of "Going Up the Country" by Canned Heat or "Up, Up and Away" by Fifth Dimension. That one's good for Angioplasty. I'm now working on my resume for surgical music consultant. My new title, Walter C Lewis SMC GGR. We'll play "Save Your Heart for Me" by Gary Lewis and the Playboys for heart surgery. For head transplants, we'll play "Put Your Head on My Shoulder" by Paul Anka. For plastic surgery, we'll play "The Shadow of Your Smile' by Frank Sinatra. If you've never been tubing read Dave Barry's article on colonoscopy. It's the funniest thing I ever read! How's that Dave? Still got my address? for the check? They aren't giving me any shots. Oh, how I wish they would instead of the pills every day. I'm 55. By the time I reach 70, I can get my exercise by lifting my pill organizer. The last time I went to the doctor, he took one look and said, you look like you feel like poop. Glad he said feel instead on smell, or did he. I don't know. I did feel like poop. This time I feel good. When I felt bad he said, you really needed to stay home in bed. This I knew, but I needed a doctors excuse to go back to work. I needed some excuse to go back, because I really didn't want to go. Their policy states, If you feel well enough to go to the doctor, you're well enough to go to work. I agree. When I don't feel good, I don't want to get out and sit in a doctors office. My doctor is a nice guy. I wish I could just play tennis with him instead being sent to a neurologist or psychiatrist.
I shall eat, drink and be merry this weekend, for tomorrow I die!
Merry Christmas! I love you all!
disclaimer: if you don't understand some of this, read ALL of the earlier posts. You wouldn't start reading a recipe or an algebra book from the middle would you? I wouldn't at all! If after you read the other posts, you still don't understand, try bull running or working for the IRS.
I assume that since you all celebrated Christ-mas that you must be Christ-ones. Otherwise, what in the world were you thinking! I think it's so great that the most wonderful holiday of the year, is the one where we celebrate the birth of the only super-hero of all time - our savior Jesus Christ, the only son of God. Now, who are the hypocrites! Could it be the ones who celebrate that which they do not believe? Well 'nuff said!
Bytheway, you probably know my title is from a John Lennon song. How ironic! I really don't know what to write about. I'm kind of like Mr. Ed, the horse who will never talk, unless he has something to say. There was nothing ironic, dumb or scary about the last couple of days! I won't bore you with the details, because you probably had a grandbaby at your house who was the cutest thing too. She probably kissed her presents and carried them around. She probably stood on her head and sat in your laps and gave you hugs and kisses too. You probably got nice gifts like movies, including Jimmy Stewart, and a model 68 Camaro like the one you drove in the 70's and a cool game like the baby boomers retirement game. You have to be over 40 just to play that one. There were other gifts like nice clothes that fit, cosmetics, Elmo, Jack in the Box, digital photo albums, shavers and a thing that shines all kinds of light patters and colors on the ceiling. Too bad we weren't playing white elephant. I would have taken that one. Well, not from Raegan. She's only 20 months old and I'm 663. And the food! You probably had food too! You probably had hamburger casserole, the one casserole I like, roast turkey, deviled eggs, stewed apples, Watergate salad, muffins, cinnamon bread, and cheese cake for desert. We played the sequence game. There were other gifts like Auburn Deli Mustard, Ga Deli Mustard, penguin ties and a Curious George book for one young at heart.
It was a fun day. It really wiped me out! There was little sarcasm or dumbness or irony there, which usually gets me started. There was much laughter but mostly out of joy at no ones expense. I could have just said it was nice! But then yours was probably nice too!
I'm on vacation and guess what I'm doing? Okay, you know what I'm doing unless you failed the old army test and don't know your gluteus maximas from a hole in the ground. Speaking of, my maximus is somewhat enlarged with all of the Christmas eating. I'll have to work on that. In fact, I'm going to the doctor on Monday, I think, or Tuesday. It doesn't matter. It's a foregone conclusion. My special wife (only wife, in case you're wondering and I'm not taking applications. Maybe tryouts but no applications. just kidding-very kidding. no responses anyway) Back to the unparenthesis. My wife, whom I love, has already seen my blood work and diagnosed my predicament. She is a nurse. Every family should have one. A wife and a nurse. I already know that my bad cholesterol is bad and even my good cholesterol is bad. My number one daughter in law, Kelly informed me that I am evil and she is right. The dentist knew it and now I'm going to the doctor. My cholesterol is evil. Even the good one is evil. I have bad blood pressure and bad blood sugar. So there! Confession is good for the soul. I'm told I will have to take Lipitor. That sounds like a bullfighter with an attitude!. I will take you, stupid bull, and stick swords in your back, until you say "tio", that's "uncle" in spanish. Not to be confused with Theo from the Bill Cosby show. I don't like bull fighting. It takes little courage. If the bull is too mean, they come out and do the pin cushion thing with 5 foot swords in the back. What takes courage, and a quart of Tequila, is running down those narrow streets of Pamplona, Spain with 957 other drunken fools, with several wild raging bulls behind you and no swords. Not even a brain to fight with. They sound this horn to release the bulls into the street. They probably think they are racing for their freedom. They are really racing towards doom, captivity in the bull ring. Not a chance the bull could actually win. Then they sound the horn again to let the people know the bulls are in the street. Kind of like tooting your car horn after an accident! The goal of the runners is to feel the bulls breath on their backs. Some people fly from other continents, in airplanes, to do this. This goal is entirely obtainable, The second goal of living thru it, is a little harder. You let the bull get close and then you jump out of the way. Well that's just stupid. Of course the bulls get killed and slaughtered anyway.
This Lipitor, I hear has all kind of side effects, and other effects besides side. I would never take Rogain because of it's side effects. Like it sucks all of the protein from your bones to make hair. Then your bones dissolve and you become a slug like in that movie, where all the guy could do was slither around on the floor or wiggle like jello. He mostly sat there like a pile of hairy mashed potatoes. Help me Quayle! Enough food metaphors. This Lipitor can make your knees weak, make you lose your mind and your liver do back flips. Like when I met my wife! And then there's something for blood pressure. That's good, because I think the reason I appear overweight is because all of my veins and arteries are swollen from the high blood pressure. Maybe I won't need to diet after all. I'm feeling better about this. And then there is blood sugar. Being a true southerner, coke runs in my veins. I will probably go into a depression causing tropical storms and need more meds for that. Look, let's get one thing straight! Down South, "Pop" is always followed by "Goes the Weasel" and soda is something you put in your bath water when you have uh - let's see, what's the medical term - raw maximas. So let's not confuse that with coke. Even if it says pepsi, we still call it coke! I truly believe the additives they put in diet foods are more harmful than just eating sugar and salt. If my sweet wife does want to rub me out, I think she will do it by adding sweet and low or aspartame to my foods. I might just eat grass. I wonder which is best, fescue or bermuda? But then I need to know what's in the fertilizer. Cow dung? And what's in the pesticides, probably aspartame. Maybe I'll go on the subway diet. If only I could start a new exclusive diet and write a book, maybe a movie! Maybe the popcorn diet. You can fix popcorn a thousand different ways..popcorn without butter, popcorn without sugar, popcorn w/o salt, popcorn w/o shrimp, popcorn w/o broccoli-my favorite, But, I'm not giving you the whole list. You'll have to buy the book! I'm not worried about the doctor's visit. I've already been stuck for blood. Oooooh! The lady who took my blood, Dorongodo, I think her ancestors were Zulus or something, not because of the grass skirt or bone in her nose. No, it wasn't even that Watusi thing she was doing. I didn't know you could get blood from under your fingernails! That was new for me! It took about seven tries. I would rather she had just stuck my eyeball. Anyway it's over. I've already had the garden hose up the back alley, so that shouldn't happen. Maybe I'll do that for next Christmas. Then they can play Christmas music instead of "Going Up the Country" by Canned Heat or "Up, Up and Away" by Fifth Dimension. That one's good for Angioplasty. I'm now working on my resume for surgical music consultant. My new title, Walter C Lewis SMC GGR. We'll play "Save Your Heart for Me" by Gary Lewis and the Playboys for heart surgery. For head transplants, we'll play "Put Your Head on My Shoulder" by Paul Anka. For plastic surgery, we'll play "The Shadow of Your Smile' by Frank Sinatra. If you've never been tubing read Dave Barry's article on colonoscopy. It's the funniest thing I ever read! How's that Dave? Still got my address? for the check? They aren't giving me any shots. Oh, how I wish they would instead of the pills every day. I'm 55. By the time I reach 70, I can get my exercise by lifting my pill organizer. The last time I went to the doctor, he took one look and said, you look like you feel like poop. Glad he said feel instead on smell, or did he. I don't know. I did feel like poop. This time I feel good. When I felt bad he said, you really needed to stay home in bed. This I knew, but I needed a doctors excuse to go back to work. I needed some excuse to go back, because I really didn't want to go. Their policy states, If you feel well enough to go to the doctor, you're well enough to go to work. I agree. When I don't feel good, I don't want to get out and sit in a doctors office. My doctor is a nice guy. I wish I could just play tennis with him instead being sent to a neurologist or psychiatrist.
I shall eat, drink and be merry this weekend, for tomorrow I die!
Merry Christmas! I love you all!
disclaimer: if you don't understand some of this, read ALL of the earlier posts. You wouldn't start reading a recipe or an algebra book from the middle would you? I wouldn't at all! If after you read the other posts, you still don't understand, try bull running or working for the IRS.
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