Superb Owl

Hello Dear friends and those who will read just about anything!

Got bored and went to bed early, like 8 o'clock or something. then got up again at 12:30 or 1:00. Ate some stuff I shouldn't have and tried to find something on TV besides red carpet reviews. Then I remembered something I had seen at work yestertoday. That's a new word. "Yestertoday" means the day that we called today, yesterday. it simplifies things. And I get to collect royalties every time you use it. So, feel free! It was something about the Superb Owl. It's an exclusive restaurant that is only open one Sunday a year in January. I've never been, but I think I'd like to go. I understand you have to get tickets and they're 8000 bucks or so a piece, so my wife would have to win the lottery. I don't play because I really don't like to gamble. About as the riskiest thing I do is open a banana. That's it! I like the excitement - the danger and anticipation! You never know what's going to be in there until you open it! So far I'm batting 10,000, but one day my luck will run out. I just hope it's not something like a maggot farm or dead fish!
Anyway, this SuperB owl sounds like an exhilarating experience!! The restaurant holds about 100,000 people, so only the elite can get in. They sit on hard plastic chairs and you just hold your plate in your lap. It looks like most people order hot dogs and pizza. Must be some great hot dogs! And they run out of coke early, 'cause a lot of people are drinking beer. Lot's of it! I don't know who actually gets to eat the SuperB owl. I'm guessing they only have one, since you never see it. in fact it's a very covert operation. You never, EVER, hear anyone speak of it. But if you ask about it they always say HOO? so the word is spreading. They have to hold this secret dinner in a different place every year to keep from being caught. The owl is a protected species, but I can't see that killing one a year should be such a big deal. Besides, can you see Elmer Fudd out there in the dark twying to shoot an owl? I'm gonna twick that cwazy owl. Oh Mr. Owl, come out of that twee and see my wabbit! There are some owls in the woods behind my house. You might say that I'm an owl-owner, but not to loud. You see, these are bad owls. At night, they make these hideous sounds! There are at least two of them. One makes a sound like a war cry and the other makes the sound of a wounded animal. Once, about midnight I went walking down the street to see if I could ascertain where the owl screams might be coming from. A neighbor was standing on the hood of his truck and his wife was at the bathroom window. They were visibly shaken, not knowing what these screams were. If you've ever read Frank Perretti's books you would be too. It sounds like some monsterous demon devouring it's prey. We should catch this thing and grill it for dinner. I guess you would have to call it "burning the midnight owl". At the SuberB owl, you have a long wait time, so they put on a little sporting event. What it was, was football. Andy Griffith can explain this much better than I. When all the players get tired and have to go in for nap time, somebody comes out and sings. Some of the performers have died after doing this, so if they ask me, I think I'll decline. Most of these places have a huge TV hanging from the ceiling, but they usually just show whatever is going on in the yard below. Seems like they could show a movie, "North By Northwest" is good on the big screen. "Lil Abner" was always a crowd pleaser too! They also have these young ladies in little costumes shouting things to keep the crowd moving. things like, "Hold that line" and "Push 'em Back" or "Go Dawgs", I guess since they ran out of Owl..

We did try to get a preview of the "SuperB owl" by going to the "Owl Cafe" in Apalachicola, but it was a rip off. Turned out, they specialized in seafood. Closest thing I saw to owl was the painting of the proprietor, with the big round eyes and bushy eyebrows. I figured owl would not actually be on the menu, so I asked the waitress if I could secretly order the "owl" off the menu. We could just call it "Peacock" for code, but she insisted that no such item was ever cooked there. She probably thought I was a secret agent, because I was dressed like all the tourist in town, which made it obvious that I was trying to blend in. But that's my normal M.O. I'm like Wally Cox. He used to say he has a face that looks like it's already been waited on. He quit saying that after he died. A little known fact is that little diminutive, shy Wally Cox used to run around with Marlon Brando. Come to think of it, Marlon and Wally sounds like a couple of nerds. Anyway, at the Owl Cafe, I ordered Jumbo Shrimp, which is like ordering Tiny Whale. It's an oxymoron. They were the largest shrimp I have seen anywhere and they were superb! They must have been on steroids! This was supposed to be elegant dining and I guess it's as close as you get in the "Oyster Capital of the World". I guess they could get away with saying that because no one else knows they're there. Two things I didn't like. They had real cloth tablecloths. and then on top of that, they had paper tablecloths! A plain table would have been fine. That's like the plastic slipcovers from the sixties, for your couches. Could you imagine on a sweltering, hot July day coming in from cutting the grass, shirtless (men only) getting a tall glass of sweet iced tea, with lemon and laying down on that plastic couch. Ugh, sticky, yuck! Plastic doesn't absorb! You just lay there in your sweat!! Women, please just don't even think of this at all. It's a man thing! Oh, by the way, it was my birthday the other day. Thanks, it was really nothing. I have one every year, whether I plan it or not. It's automatic. My wife wanted me to get one of those GT Worx weed-eater/yard edger/shoe shiner/milk-shake-maker things. I was hesitant, because I already have two weedeater things, a cordless and a corded one. They are both crippled and don't do a very good job, but appropriately, neither do I, so it's equitable. But, she threw in a bonus!! As part of the gift, she will do the edging for me! I thought this over with a serious wrinkle. I had to make it not look like a slam dunk! YESS!! Baby, would you like to get me a new lawn mower for Christmas!? Since then, I've been tasting my food in tiny bites, just to be safe. This thing does it all! It edges! It trims weeds. of course I could just kill the weeds instead of manicuring them. It cleans my whitewalls. It whistles at the joggers running by. Let's hope it does all of this in 20 to 30 minutes, because that's how long the battery last. After you properly break it in, so as to get the maximum run time. Of course, you can order extra rechargeable batteries for 15 dollars a piece. Just pay shipping and handling. Shipping and handling is generally about 300% of the cost of the item being shipped. So that's gonna be about 60 bucks. I guess I can throw away the duck taped trimmer now. I cooked fish the other day. It had been in the freezer for about 13 months. This was huge pieces of fish. I had to cut them before I could deep fry them. Yes, they were delish! They were a little hard to cut, so I turned them over and they appeared to be covered with silver duck tape! Then I realized that was the skin. I'm thinking of developing a new product. An adhesive roll called "Fish Tape"! Anyway,it was either Mackerel or Amberjack. Holy Mackerel! Had to see where the term Holy Mackerel comes from. I remember it from the TV days of Amos and Andy. Kingfish used to say it a lot. This may be where it started. It was a take off on holy cow which was considered sacrilegious. For this I am sorry. I particularly don't like what they say today. It's disgusting. The other place this was overdone, was the Batman Tv series. It could be Holy fish sticks or holy fruit of the loom or anything.
In case your still wondering, the second thing I didn't like, was instead of a nice iceberg lettuce salad, they had this leafy stuff. And no real dressing, just this homemade stuff, which did not include Thousand Island. if I had a cooking school, the first thing I would teach my pupils is that clientele who prefer thousand island salad dressing have sensitive taste buds and usually can not tolerate other dressings. If necessary, go to any grocery store or 7/11 and buy a bottle.

Oh well, I'm not working tomorrow, but I still have to get up. So good night sweet friends! Hope the owl doesn't disturb your sleep and may you never run out of thousand islands!
(isn't that why they call it "1000" islands?