Hello friends,
In case you haven't noticed strange things are about in the air. Could mean the end is near. Here's one.
Todd Turtlebottom who is legally blind, meaning he is certified to be blind and believe me there is a skill to being blind! I was almost there! Anyhow Todd Turtlebottom was no ordinary non-sighted person. He was from the Lookasillie tribe. The brave Apache warriors were given names like Silver Eagle, Running Buffalo or Fearless Wolf. but the puny Lookasillie tribesmen got names like Scared Rabbit or Turkey Lurkey or Turtlebottom. Todd was determined to claim recognition, so instead of the usual black lab or golden retriever see and eye dog, Todd, in the name of diversity, got a see and eye horse. This was a revolutionary breakthrough for the rights of the blind and the right for animals to work act (RAW act). Now, instead of walking behind a dog, Todd could ride atop the horse. His visibility was increased ten-fold and he was in a much safer position. Of course he had to remember to duck through doorways. Once he ordered a giant roast beef sandwich with fries and then made his own horsey sauce. Todd ordered the same. The next step in Todd's recognition makeover was to marry the horse. And why not! Seeing what passes for love and marriage these days. If we are to be so open minded so as to accept that if two men or women love each other enough, they should be married, then why if a man loves his horse enough, should they not be married. If this is our thinking why not let anyone we love have marriage benefits? We could make them available at fast food restaurants. Brings a whole new meaning to the "Big Mac Attack" or "Have It Your Way". "Where's The Beef?". Going to a movie could be awkward. Horses always laugh at the wrong time!
Oh. well, if the whole world were a vaudeville stage I think God would reach down with His big hook and pull it behind the curtain!
Have a good day! Don't waste the rest of it!
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Friday, April 22, 2011
BACK FROM THE DEAD!
WARNING: this may not be funny or valuable in any way, but nobody is holding a gun to your head, are they?
Well I did not die! Can't a guy take a vacation? There are a few ideas floating around in my head. Better there than my kidneys! Otherwise you'd never hear them. Ugghh, floating in kidneys creates a terrible picture. Lucky you! Yeah, I know! I was being sarcastic. Did you know by adding ic to the end of a word, you can often exaggerate it's meaning? Fantastic, spastic, elastic, Jurassic, ballistic, hyperbolic, plastic. Well not every time. Anyway, there is lot's of room in the old melon for ideas. There could be 9000 ideas up there and they would never bump into each other.
Idea 1. Instead of cutting teachers salaries, why not do away with the fourth grade? I'm not saying lay off the fourth grade teachers. But every time a teacher retires, replace them with a fourth grade teacher. Now, some of you may have to move to Michigan or North Mexico. Or is it New Mexico. American History wasn't my "thing". School in general wasn't my thing. I learned everything I need from flash cards! Besides, how can we keep saying New York, New Mexico, New Jersey, New Hampshire? Wasn't the idea to get away from the British? The point is, nobody likes fourth grade. You could cram the important stuff like long division into the end of third grade and the beginning of fifth grade. What knucklehead decided there should be twelve grades to begin with?
Idea 2. Build a wall across the Mexican border!! NOW!! Build a wall out of used tires. We already have to pay a disposal fee for our old tires when we buy new, so use the fees to fund tire shipping. This wall would cost nothing and it would save our landfills. Then allow kudzu too overtake the wall to enhance the beauty of the project and conceal the rattlesnakes and copperheads breeding inside. Border Patrol, your new job is tire truck driver! UPDATE: A few days after this original post, while biking 20 miles on the Comet Trail, I saw a tire wall surrounding a classic car lot (synonymic phrase for junk yard)so I must give them credit, while at the same time it only re-enforces the validity of the tire wall project! I wonder who or what is feeding my brain, because in my attempt to make up a new word, synonymic, I find I have been beat to the punch! Could it be that I accidentally, against all odds, learned something in school? Nah!! Something is messing with me!
Idea 3. Make the presidential term an unrepeatable offense. Maybe include a "back by popular demand" clause, prohibiting the sitting or golfing president from participating in campaigning for hisself (I know it should be himself, but English wasn't my thing) or others and from writing books, but allowing her/him to return if the majority votes for her/him as a write in. Key word is "write" and I mean in English. And let's stop paying politicians to champion causes for segments of society based on race, natural origin or gender. If you're an American citizen you AUTOMATICALLY HAVE FULL RIGHTS. If not, over the tire wall you go!
Sorry - way too political!
Idea 4. Stop importing cars! If the foreigners want to sell cars here, let them build the cars here with American made parts and let the profits stay here. Give them American names like Toy-Okra, RHonda, Folkswagon and how about a supersize suv called the Plantation? If you start off the sentence as a demonstrative statement (pardon my redundance) and end up as a rhetorical question, how do you punctuate it? Rhetoric, there's the ic thing again in all of it's superboli! I like the word redundance! It can be broken down all sorts of ways. But it does not mean repetitive as commonly mispercieved. It means excess. So I may have forty pounds of redundant weight! Or more. I reckon if you wanted it to mean repetitive, you could just say rerundance. Or just repetitive. There's a whole industry built around rerundant words. Words that mean the same thing as other words. There is a whole book full of them. The main use of the book is to help uncreative students conceal plagiarism. I don't know why teachers insist that students rewrite what the professional writers, with all of their proofreeders and editors have perfected. They are totally, completely, absolutely unnecessary. They are unquestionably and without a doubt not needed. No wonder our young people are so frustrated!
Oh,well. I've completed my assignment. It may not be pullover prize material, but perhaps I will pass.
Well I did not die! Can't a guy take a vacation? There are a few ideas floating around in my head. Better there than my kidneys! Otherwise you'd never hear them. Ugghh, floating in kidneys creates a terrible picture. Lucky you! Yeah, I know! I was being sarcastic. Did you know by adding ic to the end of a word, you can often exaggerate it's meaning? Fantastic, spastic, elastic, Jurassic, ballistic, hyperbolic, plastic. Well not every time. Anyway, there is lot's of room in the old melon for ideas. There could be 9000 ideas up there and they would never bump into each other.
Idea 1. Instead of cutting teachers salaries, why not do away with the fourth grade? I'm not saying lay off the fourth grade teachers. But every time a teacher retires, replace them with a fourth grade teacher. Now, some of you may have to move to Michigan or North Mexico. Or is it New Mexico. American History wasn't my "thing". School in general wasn't my thing. I learned everything I need from flash cards! Besides, how can we keep saying New York, New Mexico, New Jersey, New Hampshire? Wasn't the idea to get away from the British? The point is, nobody likes fourth grade. You could cram the important stuff like long division into the end of third grade and the beginning of fifth grade. What knucklehead decided there should be twelve grades to begin with?
Idea 2. Build a wall across the Mexican border!! NOW!! Build a wall out of used tires. We already have to pay a disposal fee for our old tires when we buy new, so use the fees to fund tire shipping. This wall would cost nothing and it would save our landfills. Then allow kudzu too overtake the wall to enhance the beauty of the project and conceal the rattlesnakes and copperheads breeding inside. Border Patrol, your new job is tire truck driver! UPDATE: A few days after this original post, while biking 20 miles on the Comet Trail, I saw a tire wall surrounding a classic car lot (synonymic phrase for junk yard)so I must give them credit, while at the same time it only re-enforces the validity of the tire wall project! I wonder who or what is feeding my brain, because in my attempt to make up a new word, synonymic, I find I have been beat to the punch! Could it be that I accidentally, against all odds, learned something in school? Nah!! Something is messing with me!
Idea 3. Make the presidential term an unrepeatable offense. Maybe include a "back by popular demand" clause, prohibiting the sitting or golfing president from participating in campaigning for hisself (I know it should be himself, but English wasn't my thing) or others and from writing books, but allowing her/him to return if the majority votes for her/him as a write in. Key word is "write" and I mean in English. And let's stop paying politicians to champion causes for segments of society based on race, natural origin or gender. If you're an American citizen you AUTOMATICALLY HAVE FULL RIGHTS. If not, over the tire wall you go!
Sorry - way too political!
Idea 4. Stop importing cars! If the foreigners want to sell cars here, let them build the cars here with American made parts and let the profits stay here. Give them American names like Toy-Okra, RHonda, Folkswagon and how about a supersize suv called the Plantation? If you start off the sentence as a demonstrative statement (pardon my redundance) and end up as a rhetorical question, how do you punctuate it? Rhetoric, there's the ic thing again in all of it's superboli! I like the word redundance! It can be broken down all sorts of ways. But it does not mean repetitive as commonly mispercieved. It means excess. So I may have forty pounds of redundant weight! Or more. I reckon if you wanted it to mean repetitive, you could just say rerundance. Or just repetitive. There's a whole industry built around rerundant words. Words that mean the same thing as other words. There is a whole book full of them. The main use of the book is to help uncreative students conceal plagiarism. I don't know why teachers insist that students rewrite what the professional writers, with all of their proofreeders and editors have perfected. They are totally, completely, absolutely unnecessary. They are unquestionably and without a doubt not needed. No wonder our young people are so frustrated!
Oh,well. I've completed my assignment. It may not be pullover prize material, but perhaps I will pass.
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