LESS THAN ZERO!

Hello loyal subjects,
I write a lot about not sleeping, but that's what I do a lot - not sleep!. Last night I couldn't get to sleep at all (Fifth Dimension). Those guys are getting on in years. I heard that some of them are still living and performing under the name Fifth Dementia. The rest retreated into an underground group. Sometimes I can't get to sleep, but often, I can get to sleep, but I have night mares, which are different than day mares, because they don't eat or poop. But they are way more scary. It's from the limited TV viewing. All we get are shows about hunting down perpetrators of violent crime. They always include gruesome scenes and contain very little humor. I am glad that the all-Michael-all the time has stopped.

Well last night I turned on the tube. and found the peanut channel. It was sponsored by the FBI so I thought it might be cool! Until I realized that stands for FARM BUREAU of IOWA. What else did I have to do. I could clean the frozen coke out of our freezer, but that would only bring more night mares. Anyway they were touting the Three Day Peanut Tour. I've seen peanut fields before and they are simply captivating! For about 19 minutes, then you're ready to get back to the pool. Then they visited AA. The Asparagus Association. It's a co-dependent society for people with asparagus disorders. Those afflicted with this condition develop fixations on asparagus, ranging from only eating foods containing asparagus to actually building a life sized asparagus doll and legally marrying this Asparadoll. Research is being done to find a cure, so if y9u get a solicitation. from the Asparagus Society, please contribute. I'm working on a bill to prevent the growing of and the selling of asparagus for human or animal consumption. We must do what we can to free these people. I'm not suggesting asparacide. What I'm saying is that we need to find other uses, like asparagus paper, asparagus fired electricity plants, asparagus clothing, fertilizer, ornamental plants etc. The government should penalize restaurants that serve asparagus. Or is the plural asparagai?

The other thing on TV besides not Leno - by the way, Leno needs to be on late night TV. His show is too dirty for 10:00 o'clock. Wait a minute, 95% of daytime tv needs to be on late night tv and then they need to play the National Anthem at 11:00 and go off the air. There, that's my sermon for the day! The other thing you see a lot of is weight loss shows. There is one now, rightly named "The Insanity Workout". You don't get any pills or diet shakes with this one. You don't get any exercise equipment. Not even a magic girdle! All you get is 10 DVD's! NEWS BULLETIN!! No one will ever get past the 3rd dvd. On DVD*1 this guy just stands there and jumps up and down. On DVD#2 he does jumping jacks-really fast!. Try to keep up! DVD#3 - running in place. DVD#4 - running in circles. DVD#5 - low kicks. DVD#6 - high kicks. DVD#7- kicking your own butt. DVD#8 Swinging your fist at the guy doing one arm hand clapping, twirling push ups. DVD#9 - throwing the other 8 DVD's in the trash. DVD#10 - legal gobbledygook about how you can't sue the producers, actors, musicians, writers, camera man or anyone who has ever heard of the Insanity Workout.
Oh, the "Less than Zero" thing? I'm now addicted to Coke Zero. and didn't have my quota the last three days so maybe I'm a little down. Too depressed to sleep. Not seriously depressed and not quite in the coma stage. If it were so, I could get help, but I'm just in a little funk. It's like if you had pneumonia you could get cured, but you just have to suffer thru the common cold. What I need is a defunkyfier. If you see an infomercial for one, let me know.

I actually wrote this a month ago, but it didn't seem entertaining enough. But after a 7 week dry spell, I read it again and decided there might be one person or maybe one-half person who would shudder, almost stifle a laugh before going to watch late night tv.

Good night all.