Hello Friends!
Yesterday, I went shloumping in Fayetteville and it changed my life! Shloumping? Well, I sorta went slumming, but was shopping too, so I call it shloumping. My main objective was to get to the doctors office at 2:45. One thing I've learned, I think that's 19 things, so far. Maybe I'll learn another thing in 2009. One thing I learned is when there is some unpleasant business or event, to mix something good with it. When, Jacob, my oldest, was just 2 years old, he cut his ear lobe. It was just dangling! I took him to the emergency room, but on the way, we stopped and got a tootsie pop. It made things a little better. If I ever get injured, please stop by Longhorns and get me a big, thick, juicy steak and a big ole baked potatoe, (help me Quayle). And a real coke! When I went to the dentist, it was Christmas time and the Christmas music made it more pleasant. I stopped at McDonalds and ordered a number one, large. That's a Big Mac with mondo fries, monsoon coke and mom's apple pie. Aka M&M&M&M. My last meal before biting the big one! There's this place I always pass going into Fayetteville on Hwy 54. It;s called Jordan's Salvage or Jordan's Junk, or something like that. It's this shack that's on the block before you get to the Fayetteville Courthouse Square. This shack is filled from floor to ceiling with junk. The double doors are open and you really can't walk inside because it's that full. On the outside, there is junk piled about 7 feet high all the way around the building. The back yard is like that too! There are little paths between the junk that you can walk thru at your own risk. There are no signs or warnings, but the broken glass which seems to decorate these paths, suggest that there is some risk. It's like a junk maize. You could get lost in there! And it really is junk. Take it from someone who knows. I used to go to the county landfill in Lovejoy. Wouldn't you like to live in a town called Love-joy? I can see the towns people brainstorming for names. They might suggest names like hanging dog or break wind, but this dear sweet lady said she would like her home town to be called Love-joy. When I went to the Lovejoy landfill, now there's an oxymoron, I used to drop stuff off and then look for treasures to bring back from the dump. So, I know junk! They had broken plastic chairs. rusted out bed frames, old appliances, parts of bicycles, car wheels, lawn mower wheels and such. They actually had kitchen sinks! And an assortment of toilets. You could pick up an old toilet with the now illegal oversize tank! The one thing I saw that could be a cash and carry item for me was window frames. They had a big selection of window frames, complete with glass, for $5 each, any size. I told the man I'd have to see if my wife would let me have them. She generally frowns on me bringing junk home. We went out with Kelly to Longhorns last night and I was telling them about my shloumping adventure and Cheryl said, "You know, I'd like to get some window frames from that place". I crawled back out from under the table, where I had fallen and listened in disbelief. Kelly said she had a window frame at her house for such a purpose. Oh yeah, my original idea was to hang these on my living room wall with pictures or artwork or something placed in each of the panes. The two people I was with, had already thought of it. The waiter knew about it and the people at the next booth already had one! It appears the most original idea I had was checking with my wife. Back to Longhorns. I figured on one last meal with every thing I wanted, including baked potatoe. (help me Quayle). It was good. A thick juicy Renegade. They say you are what you eat! That's me! The other night I had a Bourbon St steak. Fortunately, that's not me. No, I'm a renegade, a wild and crazy guy! When I was sixteen I used to visit Burger King and get a Whaler (fish sandwich) and a strawberry shake. There were no numbers or combos then. Real men ordered real food by it's name! I ate my whaler and then headed for the highway. I slid behind the wheel of my blue chevy in my t-shirt and cut-offs, with my strawberry shake. The Young Rascals was blaring on the cassette player and I was - devil may care - barefooted. That was double rebellion! Perhaps, re-rebellion! Was I worried about being caught? Heck no! I was a Renegade!
Back to shloumping! I went to Barns and Nobles, didn't see either one there. Then I went to Best Buys. That's where I struck gold. I found THE Otis Redding CD! Not this Dock in the Bay stuff! That's a good song, his biggest hit. It was released right before or after his death, which always pumps up a good song. But DIB was not representative of his complete body of work. Otis Redding died in a plane crash on December 10 1967. For two years after his demise, they kept playing new hits by Otis Redding. He and Elvis are probably playing golf on some island with John Kennedy and Marilyn Monroe! He was 26 years old when he "died". I was 13. My sister, Martha, had a great deal of influence over my music appreciation. She was 4 years older than I and ripe for American Bandstand. She had a little green transistor radio. Translate cordless! You could get Chubby Checker, Fats Domino, Neil Sedaka, Ricky Nelson and all the greats. She was a Beatle fanatic, with posters albums, cards, Beatle comb and all of that. She had an Otis Redding album that was tops. In the last few years, I had my eyes out for that. I bought a cd, which was good, but not the same. Yesterday, I found "Love Man". Twelve of the greatest hits, ever, from the "Big O". There was one Vietnamese guy in our school, Kim Snyder, and he had a red MG Midget, which is a tiny 2 seater sports car. It was for sale! He gave me a ride in it. I loved it! This little go-kart of a car, with loud muffler, four on the floor, top down, undulating tachometer! I loved it all! But to top it all off the "Big O" was on the radio, singing "Direct Me", a really cool piece of East Coast music. I never forgot it! I finally got a red Sebring convertible, not quite the same heart throbbing effect of the little Midget, but it suits me well. I also now I have Otis Redding on the cd as he should be. Everyone says it's a midlife crisis, but it started at about about age 14 when my cousin from Michigan came down with his 64 Lemans 4 speed convertible. It was a step down from the GTO, nevertheless, very cool. I loved the car. So it's a lifelong crisis!
One day while shloumping in McDonough at the Salvation Army store, I found a box full of cassette tapes for a couple of bucks, which I was glad to part with. It contained Byrds, Chicago, CCR, Paul Simon, Hall and Oates? and 3 Billy Joel tapes. I became a Billy Joel fan. Cool? Maybe not, but I liked it. The best tape broke. I thought about returning it, but it would take $4 worth of gas to get my 13 cents back. So I finally replaced it with a cd. I haven't listened to it yet, but it will be great! I know. Then I went to Big Lots to do the domestic thing and look at knives and tumblers. Then it was time for the doctors office. I was prepared for the worst. But not the 2 hour wait. nonetheless, I was thankful that I was not sick and miserable for those two hours. I was prepared to have to spend $300 a month for blood pressure, blood sugar, and triglyceride reducing meds. I was expecting him to say it's a miracle you made it this far, but perhaps I can restore you to some quality of life! But he didn't! He gave me the mildest bp med and put me on probation. If I can lose 140 pounds in 3 weeks, I should be just fine! I am now motivated! Starting January 1st, I am a changed man! I will eat right, drink right, sleep right, think right, write right. But until then...I'll do my worst! My mother used to say "Phooey on the Write-Right!" She used to work for that company. They made writing tablets as they used to call them. I guess that was her expression when she got aggravated with them. She was still saying that 40 years after she left them!
The Walt Lewis Project is officially under construction! Improvements to come! Update to the nearest version. Delete the old one! 2009 should be a great year!
Here's to starvation! Hope y'all have a great day and find something to be happy about!
Remember, Jesus loves you!
disclaimer: if you don't understand some of this, read ALL of the earlier posts. You wouldn't start reading a recipe or an algebra book from the middle would you? I wouldn't at all! If after you read the other posts, you still don't understand, try bull running or working for the IRS.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Friday, December 26, 2008
So this is Christmas!
Hello Christians!
I assume that since you all celebrated Christ-mas that you must be Christ-ones. Otherwise, what in the world were you thinking! I think it's so great that the most wonderful holiday of the year, is the one where we celebrate the birth of the only super-hero of all time - our savior Jesus Christ, the only son of God. Now, who are the hypocrites! Could it be the ones who celebrate that which they do not believe? Well 'nuff said!
Bytheway, you probably know my title is from a John Lennon song. How ironic! I really don't know what to write about. I'm kind of like Mr. Ed, the horse who will never talk, unless he has something to say. There was nothing ironic, dumb or scary about the last couple of days! I won't bore you with the details, because you probably had a grandbaby at your house who was the cutest thing too. She probably kissed her presents and carried them around. She probably stood on her head and sat in your laps and gave you hugs and kisses too. You probably got nice gifts like movies, including Jimmy Stewart, and a model 68 Camaro like the one you drove in the 70's and a cool game like the baby boomers retirement game. You have to be over 40 just to play that one. There were other gifts like nice clothes that fit, cosmetics, Elmo, Jack in the Box, digital photo albums, shavers and a thing that shines all kinds of light patters and colors on the ceiling. Too bad we weren't playing white elephant. I would have taken that one. Well, not from Raegan. She's only 20 months old and I'm 663. And the food! You probably had food too! You probably had hamburger casserole, the one casserole I like, roast turkey, deviled eggs, stewed apples, Watergate salad, muffins, cinnamon bread, and cheese cake for desert. We played the sequence game. There were other gifts like Auburn Deli Mustard, Ga Deli Mustard, penguin ties and a Curious George book for one young at heart.
It was a fun day. It really wiped me out! There was little sarcasm or dumbness or irony there, which usually gets me started. There was much laughter but mostly out of joy at no ones expense. I could have just said it was nice! But then yours was probably nice too!
I'm on vacation and guess what I'm doing? Okay, you know what I'm doing unless you failed the old army test and don't know your gluteus maximas from a hole in the ground. Speaking of, my maximus is somewhat enlarged with all of the Christmas eating. I'll have to work on that. In fact, I'm going to the doctor on Monday, I think, or Tuesday. It doesn't matter. It's a foregone conclusion. My special wife (only wife, in case you're wondering and I'm not taking applications. Maybe tryouts but no applications. just kidding-very kidding. no responses anyway) Back to the unparenthesis. My wife, whom I love, has already seen my blood work and diagnosed my predicament. She is a nurse. Every family should have one. A wife and a nurse. I already know that my bad cholesterol is bad and even my good cholesterol is bad. My number one daughter in law, Kelly informed me that I am evil and she is right. The dentist knew it and now I'm going to the doctor. My cholesterol is evil. Even the good one is evil. I have bad blood pressure and bad blood sugar. So there! Confession is good for the soul. I'm told I will have to take Lipitor. That sounds like a bullfighter with an attitude!. I will take you, stupid bull, and stick swords in your back, until you say "tio", that's "uncle" in spanish. Not to be confused with Theo from the Bill Cosby show. I don't like bull fighting. It takes little courage. If the bull is too mean, they come out and do the pin cushion thing with 5 foot swords in the back. What takes courage, and a quart of Tequila, is running down those narrow streets of Pamplona, Spain with 957 other drunken fools, with several wild raging bulls behind you and no swords. Not even a brain to fight with. They sound this horn to release the bulls into the street. They probably think they are racing for their freedom. They are really racing towards doom, captivity in the bull ring. Not a chance the bull could actually win. Then they sound the horn again to let the people know the bulls are in the street. Kind of like tooting your car horn after an accident! The goal of the runners is to feel the bulls breath on their backs. Some people fly from other continents, in airplanes, to do this. This goal is entirely obtainable, The second goal of living thru it, is a little harder. You let the bull get close and then you jump out of the way. Well that's just stupid. Of course the bulls get killed and slaughtered anyway.
This Lipitor, I hear has all kind of side effects, and other effects besides side. I would never take Rogain because of it's side effects. Like it sucks all of the protein from your bones to make hair. Then your bones dissolve and you become a slug like in that movie, where all the guy could do was slither around on the floor or wiggle like jello. He mostly sat there like a pile of hairy mashed potatoes. Help me Quayle! Enough food metaphors. This Lipitor can make your knees weak, make you lose your mind and your liver do back flips. Like when I met my wife! And then there's something for blood pressure. That's good, because I think the reason I appear overweight is because all of my veins and arteries are swollen from the high blood pressure. Maybe I won't need to diet after all. I'm feeling better about this. And then there is blood sugar. Being a true southerner, coke runs in my veins. I will probably go into a depression causing tropical storms and need more meds for that. Look, let's get one thing straight! Down South, "Pop" is always followed by "Goes the Weasel" and soda is something you put in your bath water when you have uh - let's see, what's the medical term - raw maximas. So let's not confuse that with coke. Even if it says pepsi, we still call it coke! I truly believe the additives they put in diet foods are more harmful than just eating sugar and salt. If my sweet wife does want to rub me out, I think she will do it by adding sweet and low or aspartame to my foods. I might just eat grass. I wonder which is best, fescue or bermuda? But then I need to know what's in the fertilizer. Cow dung? And what's in the pesticides, probably aspartame. Maybe I'll go on the subway diet. If only I could start a new exclusive diet and write a book, maybe a movie! Maybe the popcorn diet. You can fix popcorn a thousand different ways..popcorn without butter, popcorn without sugar, popcorn w/o salt, popcorn w/o shrimp, popcorn w/o broccoli-my favorite, But, I'm not giving you the whole list. You'll have to buy the book! I'm not worried about the doctor's visit. I've already been stuck for blood. Oooooh! The lady who took my blood, Dorongodo, I think her ancestors were Zulus or something, not because of the grass skirt or bone in her nose. No, it wasn't even that Watusi thing she was doing. I didn't know you could get blood from under your fingernails! That was new for me! It took about seven tries. I would rather she had just stuck my eyeball. Anyway it's over. I've already had the garden hose up the back alley, so that shouldn't happen. Maybe I'll do that for next Christmas. Then they can play Christmas music instead of "Going Up the Country" by Canned Heat or "Up, Up and Away" by Fifth Dimension. That one's good for Angioplasty. I'm now working on my resume for surgical music consultant. My new title, Walter C Lewis SMC GGR. We'll play "Save Your Heart for Me" by Gary Lewis and the Playboys for heart surgery. For head transplants, we'll play "Put Your Head on My Shoulder" by Paul Anka. For plastic surgery, we'll play "The Shadow of Your Smile' by Frank Sinatra. If you've never been tubing read Dave Barry's article on colonoscopy. It's the funniest thing I ever read! How's that Dave? Still got my address? for the check? They aren't giving me any shots. Oh, how I wish they would instead of the pills every day. I'm 55. By the time I reach 70, I can get my exercise by lifting my pill organizer. The last time I went to the doctor, he took one look and said, you look like you feel like poop. Glad he said feel instead on smell, or did he. I don't know. I did feel like poop. This time I feel good. When I felt bad he said, you really needed to stay home in bed. This I knew, but I needed a doctors excuse to go back to work. I needed some excuse to go back, because I really didn't want to go. Their policy states, If you feel well enough to go to the doctor, you're well enough to go to work. I agree. When I don't feel good, I don't want to get out and sit in a doctors office. My doctor is a nice guy. I wish I could just play tennis with him instead being sent to a neurologist or psychiatrist.
I shall eat, drink and be merry this weekend, for tomorrow I die!
Merry Christmas! I love you all!
disclaimer: if you don't understand some of this, read ALL of the earlier posts. You wouldn't start reading a recipe or an algebra book from the middle would you? I wouldn't at all! If after you read the other posts, you still don't understand, try bull running or working for the IRS.
I assume that since you all celebrated Christ-mas that you must be Christ-ones. Otherwise, what in the world were you thinking! I think it's so great that the most wonderful holiday of the year, is the one where we celebrate the birth of the only super-hero of all time - our savior Jesus Christ, the only son of God. Now, who are the hypocrites! Could it be the ones who celebrate that which they do not believe? Well 'nuff said!
Bytheway, you probably know my title is from a John Lennon song. How ironic! I really don't know what to write about. I'm kind of like Mr. Ed, the horse who will never talk, unless he has something to say. There was nothing ironic, dumb or scary about the last couple of days! I won't bore you with the details, because you probably had a grandbaby at your house who was the cutest thing too. She probably kissed her presents and carried them around. She probably stood on her head and sat in your laps and gave you hugs and kisses too. You probably got nice gifts like movies, including Jimmy Stewart, and a model 68 Camaro like the one you drove in the 70's and a cool game like the baby boomers retirement game. You have to be over 40 just to play that one. There were other gifts like nice clothes that fit, cosmetics, Elmo, Jack in the Box, digital photo albums, shavers and a thing that shines all kinds of light patters and colors on the ceiling. Too bad we weren't playing white elephant. I would have taken that one. Well, not from Raegan. She's only 20 months old and I'm 663. And the food! You probably had food too! You probably had hamburger casserole, the one casserole I like, roast turkey, deviled eggs, stewed apples, Watergate salad, muffins, cinnamon bread, and cheese cake for desert. We played the sequence game. There were other gifts like Auburn Deli Mustard, Ga Deli Mustard, penguin ties and a Curious George book for one young at heart.
It was a fun day. It really wiped me out! There was little sarcasm or dumbness or irony there, which usually gets me started. There was much laughter but mostly out of joy at no ones expense. I could have just said it was nice! But then yours was probably nice too!
I'm on vacation and guess what I'm doing? Okay, you know what I'm doing unless you failed the old army test and don't know your gluteus maximas from a hole in the ground. Speaking of, my maximus is somewhat enlarged with all of the Christmas eating. I'll have to work on that. In fact, I'm going to the doctor on Monday, I think, or Tuesday. It doesn't matter. It's a foregone conclusion. My special wife (only wife, in case you're wondering and I'm not taking applications. Maybe tryouts but no applications. just kidding-very kidding. no responses anyway) Back to the unparenthesis. My wife, whom I love, has already seen my blood work and diagnosed my predicament. She is a nurse. Every family should have one. A wife and a nurse. I already know that my bad cholesterol is bad and even my good cholesterol is bad. My number one daughter in law, Kelly informed me that I am evil and she is right. The dentist knew it and now I'm going to the doctor. My cholesterol is evil. Even the good one is evil. I have bad blood pressure and bad blood sugar. So there! Confession is good for the soul. I'm told I will have to take Lipitor. That sounds like a bullfighter with an attitude!. I will take you, stupid bull, and stick swords in your back, until you say "tio", that's "uncle" in spanish. Not to be confused with Theo from the Bill Cosby show. I don't like bull fighting. It takes little courage. If the bull is too mean, they come out and do the pin cushion thing with 5 foot swords in the back. What takes courage, and a quart of Tequila, is running down those narrow streets of Pamplona, Spain with 957 other drunken fools, with several wild raging bulls behind you and no swords. Not even a brain to fight with. They sound this horn to release the bulls into the street. They probably think they are racing for their freedom. They are really racing towards doom, captivity in the bull ring. Not a chance the bull could actually win. Then they sound the horn again to let the people know the bulls are in the street. Kind of like tooting your car horn after an accident! The goal of the runners is to feel the bulls breath on their backs. Some people fly from other continents, in airplanes, to do this. This goal is entirely obtainable, The second goal of living thru it, is a little harder. You let the bull get close and then you jump out of the way. Well that's just stupid. Of course the bulls get killed and slaughtered anyway.
This Lipitor, I hear has all kind of side effects, and other effects besides side. I would never take Rogain because of it's side effects. Like it sucks all of the protein from your bones to make hair. Then your bones dissolve and you become a slug like in that movie, where all the guy could do was slither around on the floor or wiggle like jello. He mostly sat there like a pile of hairy mashed potatoes. Help me Quayle! Enough food metaphors. This Lipitor can make your knees weak, make you lose your mind and your liver do back flips. Like when I met my wife! And then there's something for blood pressure. That's good, because I think the reason I appear overweight is because all of my veins and arteries are swollen from the high blood pressure. Maybe I won't need to diet after all. I'm feeling better about this. And then there is blood sugar. Being a true southerner, coke runs in my veins. I will probably go into a depression causing tropical storms and need more meds for that. Look, let's get one thing straight! Down South, "Pop" is always followed by "Goes the Weasel" and soda is something you put in your bath water when you have uh - let's see, what's the medical term - raw maximas. So let's not confuse that with coke. Even if it says pepsi, we still call it coke! I truly believe the additives they put in diet foods are more harmful than just eating sugar and salt. If my sweet wife does want to rub me out, I think she will do it by adding sweet and low or aspartame to my foods. I might just eat grass. I wonder which is best, fescue or bermuda? But then I need to know what's in the fertilizer. Cow dung? And what's in the pesticides, probably aspartame. Maybe I'll go on the subway diet. If only I could start a new exclusive diet and write a book, maybe a movie! Maybe the popcorn diet. You can fix popcorn a thousand different ways..popcorn without butter, popcorn without sugar, popcorn w/o salt, popcorn w/o shrimp, popcorn w/o broccoli-my favorite, But, I'm not giving you the whole list. You'll have to buy the book! I'm not worried about the doctor's visit. I've already been stuck for blood. Oooooh! The lady who took my blood, Dorongodo, I think her ancestors were Zulus or something, not because of the grass skirt or bone in her nose. No, it wasn't even that Watusi thing she was doing. I didn't know you could get blood from under your fingernails! That was new for me! It took about seven tries. I would rather she had just stuck my eyeball. Anyway it's over. I've already had the garden hose up the back alley, so that shouldn't happen. Maybe I'll do that for next Christmas. Then they can play Christmas music instead of "Going Up the Country" by Canned Heat or "Up, Up and Away" by Fifth Dimension. That one's good for Angioplasty. I'm now working on my resume for surgical music consultant. My new title, Walter C Lewis SMC GGR. We'll play "Save Your Heart for Me" by Gary Lewis and the Playboys for heart surgery. For head transplants, we'll play "Put Your Head on My Shoulder" by Paul Anka. For plastic surgery, we'll play "The Shadow of Your Smile' by Frank Sinatra. If you've never been tubing read Dave Barry's article on colonoscopy. It's the funniest thing I ever read! How's that Dave? Still got my address? for the check? They aren't giving me any shots. Oh, how I wish they would instead of the pills every day. I'm 55. By the time I reach 70, I can get my exercise by lifting my pill organizer. The last time I went to the doctor, he took one look and said, you look like you feel like poop. Glad he said feel instead on smell, or did he. I don't know. I did feel like poop. This time I feel good. When I felt bad he said, you really needed to stay home in bed. This I knew, but I needed a doctors excuse to go back to work. I needed some excuse to go back, because I really didn't want to go. Their policy states, If you feel well enough to go to the doctor, you're well enough to go to work. I agree. When I don't feel good, I don't want to get out and sit in a doctors office. My doctor is a nice guy. I wish I could just play tennis with him instead being sent to a neurologist or psychiatrist.
I shall eat, drink and be merry this weekend, for tomorrow I die!
Merry Christmas! I love you all!
disclaimer: if you don't understand some of this, read ALL of the earlier posts. You wouldn't start reading a recipe or an algebra book from the middle would you? I wouldn't at all! If after you read the other posts, you still don't understand, try bull running or working for the IRS.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Froze Hose a.k.a. Ice Snake
Hello Gringos!
The title looks like a Puerto Ricon rap artist! Frozen Jose. Nah! It's my garden jose, uh hose. Daughter number II, Jen, had her friends over for a bon fire. There were wood stools placed around the fire to sit on. These were just sections cut out of a thick tree. What no one mentioned is that some of them had a hole through the center, which could have been inhabited. If they became warm enough, the resident may have come up for a look-see. Spose I would have heard if they did. My water hose was unreeled out to the bon fire site in case the fire got out of hand and to use in putting out the fire, but since it was 25 degrees, it froze - Ice Snake.
I thought this was interesting! It's an excerpt from the "Wilbur Post" post. You may remember the character, Wilbur Post, played by Alan Young, on the hit tv show "Mr. Ed". Of course Mr. Ed was played by a white horse named Lionel Hairymore. I think he stole it from lionel Barrymore who played Mr. Potter on "It's a Wonderful Life". I watched it last night. A wonderful 137 minutes uncut on VHS. If you see it on tv, they'll probably leave out a scene or two. Lionel Barrymore also played in "Captains Courageous" with Spencer Tracy, and Mickey Rooney. If this all sounds foreign to you, you really need to get out of the box and check out the old movies. Don't watch the remake with Robert Urich. It vacuums!
Mr. Ed actually writes the "Wilbur Post". What's the matter? You never hear of a writing horse? The premise of the show was that Wilbur had this horse that talked only in his presence. The horse had an attitude and was always getting Wilbur into trouble.
Anyway Lionel (Ed) answers FAQ
1. Is it true when you died you were buried standing up?
A. "Say brainless, don't they teach you anything?" (another line from It's a Wonderful Life). That's kind of like the quiz about where to bury the survivors. Surprize them! (You'd have to go back a few posts to understand some of these. You really should start from the beginning.
Duh! I'm writing this post, so I guess I'm still living. And to dispell another rumor, no one ever buried me up to my neck and then ran over me with a lawn mower. Also no one ever tied two horses' tails together and threw them over the clothes line just to watch them fight. Once someones grandfather tied a firecracker to a cat's tail and the cat ran into the barn and caught the barn on fire. But he didn't get a whipping because he could not tell a lie! There were just too many witnesses. Bytheway, a clothes line is not Christie Brinklys' name on the latest fashions at K-Mart. It's this wire you stretch from one pole to another, several yards apart, for the purpose of hanging clothes on after washing, so they could dry. Sometimes people would just lay their wet rags on a bush to dry, thus when the rags were stolen, they would say, "Now don't that take the rag right off of the bush". You should also see the movie "Lil Abner". It's in color so you'll like it. It's based on an old comic strip by Al Capp and the actors look just like the comic strip characters! It's a musical, but don't let that scare you, because the songs are hilarious! It stars Peter Palmer and Leslie Parish. Picture Leslie Parish with chocolate syrup all over her. Oh no, that's Janet Leigh in Alfred Hitchcock s' "Pshcho", which I don't recommend unless you are living in Camelot and need to be jarred back to reality. I still think the pendulum swings too far. So you must see Camelot. That's a place where I could definitely live! I want all of you to get netflix and order these movies! If you don't like these movies, then you are a McDonalds chicken sandwich - you have no taste. Yeah, squeeze the lump of coal until it becomes a diamond. Someone stop me!.
Back to FAQ
2. Is it true that Alan Young had to literally feed you your lines? That is, too tickle your muzzle with straw to make your lips move.
A. The opposite would be more accurate. Alan was more suitable for Vitalis commercials. He couldn't pretend to be happy if he won the lottery! Sometimes we put peanut butter on his lips so he's lick them and we'd just dub in the words.
3. What other roles have you played?
A. When I was a pony, I played Roy Rogers horse, Trigger. Roy was great too work under! They also had Buttermilk on that show. She was some fine Phillie! And the dog Bullet, same name as the dog in the Snuffy Smith comics, whom the editor's dog, Rusty Bullet is named after.
4. Have you ever turned down any roles?
A Yeah, the horse of the drunken gunslinger, Kid Shaleen, in "Cat Ballou". That drunken horse won an academy award! You should see this movie also starring Lee Marvin, Dwayne Hickman ( Dobie Gillis) and Jane Fonda. Picture Jane Fonda with chocolate syrup - oh, that's Janet Leigh.
I also refused the role of the horses head in Godfather. that one gave me nightmares. A little horse humor. Night mares for a horse is like a treat! Skip it!
5. I heard you were difficult on the set. Is this true and why?
A. I felt I was due certain concessions in light of my star power. I did insist on my own private trailer. Most of the actors were willing to grant me that. I stipulate that the camera be on my right side 90 % of the time. I insisted that if there were to be any tail shots, that my tail would be down to cover up my credentials. Afterall, this was meant to include younger audiences.
6. I heard your salary back then was in the four figures. Is that true?
A Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp stomp! Does that answer your question?
I hope you found that enlightening. Butheway, Roy Rogers was buried standing up! Hope y'all don't have night mares!
It's the night before the night before Christmas and I can remember the anxiousness as a child, the wonder and excitement of knowing, thinking that Santa would come thru my front door (our chimneys were closed off) and leave me a load of presents! It's warms my heart to know that many thousands of kids are going thru that right now. I wish them all a Merry Christmas and you too!
Here's a partial quote from an old classic, The Night Before Christmas" as quoted by Tommy Smothers:
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
Here's to memories. good night-sleep tight - Merry Christmas!
The title looks like a Puerto Ricon rap artist! Frozen Jose. Nah! It's my garden jose, uh hose. Daughter number II, Jen, had her friends over for a bon fire. There were wood stools placed around the fire to sit on. These were just sections cut out of a thick tree. What no one mentioned is that some of them had a hole through the center, which could have been inhabited. If they became warm enough, the resident may have come up for a look-see. Spose I would have heard if they did. My water hose was unreeled out to the bon fire site in case the fire got out of hand and to use in putting out the fire, but since it was 25 degrees, it froze - Ice Snake.
I thought this was interesting! It's an excerpt from the "Wilbur Post" post. You may remember the character, Wilbur Post, played by Alan Young, on the hit tv show "Mr. Ed". Of course Mr. Ed was played by a white horse named Lionel Hairymore. I think he stole it from lionel Barrymore who played Mr. Potter on "It's a Wonderful Life". I watched it last night. A wonderful 137 minutes uncut on VHS. If you see it on tv, they'll probably leave out a scene or two. Lionel Barrymore also played in "Captains Courageous" with Spencer Tracy, and Mickey Rooney. If this all sounds foreign to you, you really need to get out of the box and check out the old movies. Don't watch the remake with Robert Urich. It vacuums!
Mr. Ed actually writes the "Wilbur Post". What's the matter? You never hear of a writing horse? The premise of the show was that Wilbur had this horse that talked only in his presence. The horse had an attitude and was always getting Wilbur into trouble.
Anyway Lionel (Ed) answers FAQ
1. Is it true when you died you were buried standing up?
A. "Say brainless, don't they teach you anything?" (another line from It's a Wonderful Life). That's kind of like the quiz about where to bury the survivors. Surprize them! (You'd have to go back a few posts to understand some of these. You really should start from the beginning.
Duh! I'm writing this post, so I guess I'm still living. And to dispell another rumor, no one ever buried me up to my neck and then ran over me with a lawn mower. Also no one ever tied two horses' tails together and threw them over the clothes line just to watch them fight. Once someones grandfather tied a firecracker to a cat's tail and the cat ran into the barn and caught the barn on fire. But he didn't get a whipping because he could not tell a lie! There were just too many witnesses. Bytheway, a clothes line is not Christie Brinklys' name on the latest fashions at K-Mart. It's this wire you stretch from one pole to another, several yards apart, for the purpose of hanging clothes on after washing, so they could dry. Sometimes people would just lay their wet rags on a bush to dry, thus when the rags were stolen, they would say, "Now don't that take the rag right off of the bush". You should also see the movie "Lil Abner". It's in color so you'll like it. It's based on an old comic strip by Al Capp and the actors look just like the comic strip characters! It's a musical, but don't let that scare you, because the songs are hilarious! It stars Peter Palmer and Leslie Parish. Picture Leslie Parish with chocolate syrup all over her. Oh no, that's Janet Leigh in Alfred Hitchcock s' "Pshcho", which I don't recommend unless you are living in Camelot and need to be jarred back to reality. I still think the pendulum swings too far. So you must see Camelot. That's a place where I could definitely live! I want all of you to get netflix and order these movies! If you don't like these movies, then you are a McDonalds chicken sandwich - you have no taste. Yeah, squeeze the lump of coal until it becomes a diamond. Someone stop me!.
Back to FAQ
2. Is it true that Alan Young had to literally feed you your lines? That is, too tickle your muzzle with straw to make your lips move.
A. The opposite would be more accurate. Alan was more suitable for Vitalis commercials. He couldn't pretend to be happy if he won the lottery! Sometimes we put peanut butter on his lips so he's lick them and we'd just dub in the words.
3. What other roles have you played?
A. When I was a pony, I played Roy Rogers horse, Trigger. Roy was great too work under! They also had Buttermilk on that show. She was some fine Phillie! And the dog Bullet, same name as the dog in the Snuffy Smith comics, whom the editor's dog, Rusty Bullet is named after.
4. Have you ever turned down any roles?
A Yeah, the horse of the drunken gunslinger, Kid Shaleen, in "Cat Ballou". That drunken horse won an academy award! You should see this movie also starring Lee Marvin, Dwayne Hickman ( Dobie Gillis) and Jane Fonda. Picture Jane Fonda with chocolate syrup - oh, that's Janet Leigh.
I also refused the role of the horses head in Godfather. that one gave me nightmares. A little horse humor. Night mares for a horse is like a treat! Skip it!
5. I heard you were difficult on the set. Is this true and why?
A. I felt I was due certain concessions in light of my star power. I did insist on my own private trailer. Most of the actors were willing to grant me that. I stipulate that the camera be on my right side 90 % of the time. I insisted that if there were to be any tail shots, that my tail would be down to cover up my credentials. Afterall, this was meant to include younger audiences.
6. I heard your salary back then was in the four figures. Is that true?
A Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp stomp! Does that answer your question?
I hope you found that enlightening. Butheway, Roy Rogers was buried standing up! Hope y'all don't have night mares!
It's the night before the night before Christmas and I can remember the anxiousness as a child, the wonder and excitement of knowing, thinking that Santa would come thru my front door (our chimneys were closed off) and leave me a load of presents! It's warms my heart to know that many thousands of kids are going thru that right now. I wish them all a Merry Christmas and you too!
Here's a partial quote from an old classic, The Night Before Christmas" as quoted by Tommy Smothers:
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up!
Here's to memories. good night-sleep tight - Merry Christmas!
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Sim-ply hav-ing a wonderful Christmas time!
Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas everybody! Merry Christmas building and loan! If you don't recognize that line you HAVE to watch "It's a Wonderful Life". I'm dead serious, you'll thank me later! And, you'll slap your mother. Hmmph! never seen "It's a Wonderful Life"! No kidding, if I have to waste my whole post to convince you, it would be worth it!! But you're smart, and I won't have to do that. Some day when I'm all caught up I may write my autobieulogy. That's what it's called when you write your own eulogy - from now on. I think I just coined a new word. How much do I get for that? Maybe just royalities. I'd be happy with a quarter everytime someone says autobieulogy. I would do writing workshops on that. My eulogy would start out, "Now of what you are about to hear, I am dead serious. Maybe this time you will believe me. I really don't like casseroles, chesse on brockley, grits, ice cream or much of anthing except pizza or hamburger, none of which would interest me at the moment". But it's Christmas time and I don't want to think about writing about dying right now.
I've been Christmas shopping and having a pretty good time. I had Christmas music on the radio, until they played Christmas Shoe and Blue Christmas back to back. That was about all I could take. Christmas Shoe is still dumb. I had to hear it once more to be sure. I think I'm right! There was a Beach Boys cd playing so things were fine again. Of course the stores were playing Christmas music. I missed church this morning but made it for Sunday school. We shared about the good and bad of the year 2008 for our families. Some lost jobs, some got jobs, some lost parents, some gained grandchildren. Evryone shared that there were some peaks and some valleys this year. You just have to remember when you are in the valley, that you were on a peak and you will be on a peak again and remember to take God with you to both. "It's a Wonderful Life" is about a guy named George Bailey. who was in the bigest slump and it looked like he might go to jail for something that was not his doing. He finally came to the conclusion that his family would be better off if he was dead and they collected on his life insurance policy. Then Clarence Oddbody ASII (Angel second class) shows up to show George what the world would have been like if he'd never been born. He says, "You look like the kind of angel I'd get".
other lines:
I was saving up for a divorce in case I ever get me a husband.
Teacher says, When a bell rings, an angel gets his wings.
You call this a home, why do we have to have all of these kids?
George Bailey lasso's the stork.
Zu Zu's petals!
No man is poor if he has friends.
To my brother, the richest man in town.
There's a million of them!
You have to watch this movie,
Merry Christmas!
Watch it!!!
Merry Christmas everybody! Merry Christmas building and loan! If you don't recognize that line you HAVE to watch "It's a Wonderful Life". I'm dead serious, you'll thank me later! And, you'll slap your mother. Hmmph! never seen "It's a Wonderful Life"! No kidding, if I have to waste my whole post to convince you, it would be worth it!! But you're smart, and I won't have to do that. Some day when I'm all caught up I may write my autobieulogy. That's what it's called when you write your own eulogy - from now on. I think I just coined a new word. How much do I get for that? Maybe just royalities. I'd be happy with a quarter everytime someone says autobieulogy. I would do writing workshops on that. My eulogy would start out, "Now of what you are about to hear, I am dead serious. Maybe this time you will believe me. I really don't like casseroles, chesse on brockley, grits, ice cream or much of anthing except pizza or hamburger, none of which would interest me at the moment". But it's Christmas time and I don't want to think about writing about dying right now.
I've been Christmas shopping and having a pretty good time. I had Christmas music on the radio, until they played Christmas Shoe and Blue Christmas back to back. That was about all I could take. Christmas Shoe is still dumb. I had to hear it once more to be sure. I think I'm right! There was a Beach Boys cd playing so things were fine again. Of course the stores were playing Christmas music. I missed church this morning but made it for Sunday school. We shared about the good and bad of the year 2008 for our families. Some lost jobs, some got jobs, some lost parents, some gained grandchildren. Evryone shared that there were some peaks and some valleys this year. You just have to remember when you are in the valley, that you were on a peak and you will be on a peak again and remember to take God with you to both. "It's a Wonderful Life" is about a guy named George Bailey. who was in the bigest slump and it looked like he might go to jail for something that was not his doing. He finally came to the conclusion that his family would be better off if he was dead and they collected on his life insurance policy. Then Clarence Oddbody ASII (Angel second class) shows up to show George what the world would have been like if he'd never been born. He says, "You look like the kind of angel I'd get".
other lines:
I was saving up for a divorce in case I ever get me a husband.
Teacher says, When a bell rings, an angel gets his wings.
You call this a home, why do we have to have all of these kids?
George Bailey lasso's the stork.
Zu Zu's petals!
No man is poor if he has friends.
To my brother, the richest man in town.
There's a million of them!
You have to watch this movie,
Merry Christmas!
Watch it!!!
Saturday, December 20, 2008
My Generation!
Hi Guys,
I like that salutation, but most people probably don't identify. It's from the old deodorant commercial. Right guard, I think. This guy would be standing in front of his medicine cabinet, as we used to call it. He would open the mirrored door and someone on the other side would say "Hi Guy!" and proceed to tell him things like "You don't actually wear those 5-day deodorant pads under your arms. Then there was the wet-head is dead! I liked that. No more brill cream, Vitalis, hair tonic and all that. Thank my generation for the "dry look". My generation also brought color tv. Ironically, most of the best movies were black and white. Yeah, we brought in a lot of trash. Someone please take that out. Cars became cool in the sixties, bucket seats, four on the floor, muscle cars. How 'bout rock and roll? I know some of it's bad. But some is good. You don't put down painting just because some idiots paint bad things. Let's not throw the baby out with the bath water. In the old days, way before my time, families used to share the bath water. They had to bring it in from outside and take a bath in a big wash tub. Adults first, then kids and then babies. By the time the little baby got her turn the water would be so dirty that when they threw it out, someone would holler, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water". Thank my generation for clothes dryers, microwaves and hamburger stands.
Most of the old rock and rollers are now in their sixties, of course, I'm not. I saw a movie a while back bout this guy who put together group of really old timers to form a rock group. These guys were so old that sometimes one of them would croak before the performance. You never knew who would live to be in the next show. They sang rock and roll stuff! I don't think they sang "My Generation" but it would have been perfect. Often when I hear a song now, I listen to it with the mindset of an old-timer. Try it! You'll be surprised how often it makes sense!
You have to picture these guys with their spectacles, hearing aides, walkers and wheelchairs!
My Generation by The Who
People try to put us d-down (Talkin' 'bout my generation)
Just because we get around (Talkin' 'bout my generation)
Things they do look awful c-c-cold (Talkin' 'bout my generation)
I hope I die before I get old (Talkin' 'bout my generation)
This is my generation
This is my generation, baby
Why don't you all f-fade away (Talkin' 'bout my generation)
And don't try to dig what we all s-s-say (Talkin' 'bout my generation)
I'm not trying to cause a big s-s-sensation (Talkin' 'bout my generation)
I'm just talkin' 'bout my g-g-g-generation (Talkin' 'bout my generation)
This is my generation
This is my generation, baby
Why don't you all f-fade away (Talkin' 'bout my generation)
And don't try to d-dig what we all s-s-say (Talkin' 'bout my generation)
I'm not trying to cause a b-big s-s-sensation (Talkin' 'bout my generation)
I'm just talkin' 'bout my g-g-generation (Talkin' 'bout my generation)
This is my generation
This is my generation, baby
People try to put us d-down (Talkin' 'bout my generation)
Just because we g-g-get around (Talkin' 'bout my generation)
Things they do look awful c-c-cold (Talkin' 'bout my generation)
Yeah, I hope I die before I get old (Talkin' 'bout my generation)
This is my generation
This is my generation, baby
Want to hear it? This video has a Tommy Smothers introduction. You'll have to copy and past this. I'm lucky to be on here at all. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7xZOrWK6d4g
Hello, hello
I don't know why you say goodbye - I say Hello.
Good-Bye
I like that salutation, but most people probably don't identify. It's from the old deodorant commercial. Right guard, I think. This guy would be standing in front of his medicine cabinet, as we used to call it. He would open the mirrored door and someone on the other side would say "Hi Guy!" and proceed to tell him things like "You don't actually wear those 5-day deodorant pads under your arms. Then there was the wet-head is dead! I liked that. No more brill cream, Vitalis, hair tonic and all that. Thank my generation for the "dry look". My generation also brought color tv. Ironically, most of the best movies were black and white. Yeah, we brought in a lot of trash. Someone please take that out. Cars became cool in the sixties, bucket seats, four on the floor, muscle cars. How 'bout rock and roll? I know some of it's bad. But some is good. You don't put down painting just because some idiots paint bad things. Let's not throw the baby out with the bath water. In the old days, way before my time, families used to share the bath water. They had to bring it in from outside and take a bath in a big wash tub. Adults first, then kids and then babies. By the time the little baby got her turn the water would be so dirty that when they threw it out, someone would holler, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water". Thank my generation for clothes dryers, microwaves and hamburger stands.
Most of the old rock and rollers are now in their sixties, of course, I'm not. I saw a movie a while back bout this guy who put together group of really old timers to form a rock group. These guys were so old that sometimes one of them would croak before the performance. You never knew who would live to be in the next show. They sang rock and roll stuff! I don't think they sang "My Generation" but it would have been perfect. Often when I hear a song now, I listen to it with the mindset of an old-timer. Try it! You'll be surprised how often it makes sense!
You have to picture these guys with their spectacles, hearing aides, walkers and wheelchairs!
My Generation by The Who
People try to put us d-down (Talkin' 'bout my generation)
Just because we get around (Talkin' 'bout my generation)
Things they do look awful c-c-cold (Talkin' 'bout my generation)
I hope I die before I get old (Talkin' 'bout my generation)
This is my generation
This is my generation, baby
Why don't you all f-fade away (Talkin' 'bout my generation)
And don't try to dig what we all s-s-say (Talkin' 'bout my generation)
I'm not trying to cause a big s-s-sensation (Talkin' 'bout my generation)
I'm just talkin' 'bout my g-g-g-generation (Talkin' 'bout my generation)
This is my generation
This is my generation, baby
Why don't you all f-fade away (Talkin' 'bout my generation)
And don't try to d-dig what we all s-s-say (Talkin' 'bout my generation)
I'm not trying to cause a b-big s-s-sensation (Talkin' 'bout my generation)
I'm just talkin' 'bout my g-g-generation (Talkin' 'bout my generation)
This is my generation
This is my generation, baby
People try to put us d-down (Talkin' 'bout my generation)
Just because we g-g-get around (Talkin' 'bout my generation)
Things they do look awful c-c-cold (Talkin' 'bout my generation)
Yeah, I hope I die before I get old (Talkin' 'bout my generation)
This is my generation
This is my generation, baby
Want to hear it? This video has a Tommy Smothers introduction. You'll have to copy and past this. I'm lucky to be on here at all. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7xZOrWK6d4g
Hello, hello
I don't know why you say goodbye - I say Hello.
Good-Bye
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Dentally Incompetant
Hellow Fellows and Girl Fellows,
I made that journey back to the office of Dr.D. this afternoon. I was lucky. Wendi drew the short straw and had to decrud the left side of my mouth. Before I could warm the dental couch thing, Wendi had hung the gas mask over my face and turned on the juice. Wendi is now my Gas-Girl and I mean that in the most gentlemanly way possible. I think she must have gotten a new tank, because this stuff was working! I didn't care if Uncle Novocaine came in or not, but later I would care! I knew he was coming because she put the gel/creme stuff in my mouth with the three, two-foot long Q-tips. I held them there for seventeen minutes. She came back during intermission to see if everything was still okay? I said "More sweet tea please", but then remembered this was not a restaurant. The waiting fooled me. Besides, I was off to other adventures. Then Dr. D. came in with the Novocaine. The gas was working so well, even he looked cute. Then came the 1/4 inch foot-long needle with the football pump syringe. You ever see a large ship pull into harbor? They pull in real slow, like slow motion, like Slow Bruce-Blue Spruce. Read yesterdays post. When they finally make contact with the huge rubber stoppers, they bounce 2 or 3 times before coming to a stop. That's what this hyperdemeric is like, only there's nothing hyper about it. I think one of those needles came out thru my left cheek and I'm not talking facial. Anyway, the Christmas music was playing, the manger scene was set up and I was just fine.Even if I did have to grip my own flesh a little tighter! I'm having this wonderful time and then it hits me. I could write a screenplay about a comedian who has run dry. When he goes to the dentist and gets this laughing gas, he gets inspired! I'll get Steve Martin to play the part. He's lying there and his cell phone vibrates. He answers it, Herrow? This is the brank? Yeth, I'm weady to move ahead with the roan. Rokay, rill trok wraater. He takes this routine to the nite club and they love it. He does this act for two weeks. but then he needs another act. So he has to go back to the dentist. He pulls a filling loose so he can get an emergency appointment. The gas is doing it's thing and he's writing a routine about an elephant keeper who has a date with a girl who thinks he is a CIA agent. Of course he can't get rid of the odor, so he goes thru these wild and crazy schemes to keep her from getting too close, even though he very much wants her to get too close. Back to me. I'm lying here thinking of silly thoughts and occasionally I have to stifle a belly laugh. Part of me is near hysterical and the other part is in serious pain. Did you ever see The Two Headed Transplant. They transplanted the head of this escaped convict onto the shoulder of this very tall, large mentally handicapped young man. When they woke up, the criminal head didn't miss a beat. Come on, let's get out of here. He proceeded to do bad things. The other head was crying, because he was a good soul. It's kind of like that. I'm telling myself focus on the fun me and ignore the hurting me. It's like trying not to think of a purple possum. The more you try, the harder it is. But I did overcome. Then there was another problem. I was too happy. I was in danger of doing the Elvis sneer. The curled lip. That happens when you try to stifle a laugh. I didn't want Wendy to think I was laughing, or impersonating Elvis. She might just think my lip was itching. Every now and then I would get the three taps on the chin to let me know to close up on Mr. Sippie. I then realized how numb my face was. It was soon over. I went to my car and the Johnny Rivers cd was playing. I started to sing along and realized I sounded pretty darn good.
I washed my hands, in muddy water.
I washed my ha-ands, but they wouldn't come clean.
I tried to do-o, what my daddy taught me, oh yeah,
But I must have washed my hands in a muddy stream!
You see, when one of your cheeks (that's face) is numb, it makes you sound just like a country singer. You can kinda get the idea by pinching as much of one cheek (facial) as you can and then hold that while you sing. The other way would be to get a big plug of "Bull of the Woods" chewing tobacco or "Cold Turkey" or "Devils Chewing Gum" and stick that in your cheek. Only problem is pretty soon you got yourself two mouths, cause that stuff will eat right thru. So you can sing country songs and sip beer at the same time, making every country singers dream come true!
I said warden, when's my time up?
He said son, you know we won't forget.
And if you try to just keep your hands clean, uh-huh
We just might make a good man of you yet!
Hot dog! I just found me two new careers! Also I could be a prize fighter, you know a boxer. When my face is numb, I won't feel a thing. I won't care how hard they hit me. If I can just figure a way to get the gas out there.
Well I couldn't wait, to get my time in.
I broke out, broke out the Nashville Jail.
I just crossed Atlanta Georgia, uh-huh,
And I can hear those bloodhounds on my trail.
Yep I'm thinking about adding a DDS to the end of my name. Dental Dependent Syndrome. Hows that for an idea? If you get a disease or have a bad habit, that gets added to the end of your name. Because they will soon discriminate against smokers or overweight people in matters of qualifying for health insurance. Your premiums could go up. Sam Walker DKR (drinker). Sue Mallard SMKR. Tom Brown HHD. (hot head) Jean Smith LBN (lame brain) I do not know anyone by these names, so if it happens to be your name, I'm not talking about you. So you could say Ralph UpJohn PRND (paranoid)
so long, Merry Christmas! Walt Lewis GGR
I was born, in Macon Georgia,
They kept my daddy, in the Macon Jail
And he said son, If you keep your hands clean, uh-huh,
You won't hear those bloodhounds on your trail.
I washed my hands, in muddy water............
I made that journey back to the office of Dr.D. this afternoon. I was lucky. Wendi drew the short straw and had to decrud the left side of my mouth. Before I could warm the dental couch thing, Wendi had hung the gas mask over my face and turned on the juice. Wendi is now my Gas-Girl and I mean that in the most gentlemanly way possible. I think she must have gotten a new tank, because this stuff was working! I didn't care if Uncle Novocaine came in or not, but later I would care! I knew he was coming because she put the gel/creme stuff in my mouth with the three, two-foot long Q-tips. I held them there for seventeen minutes. She came back during intermission to see if everything was still okay? I said "More sweet tea please", but then remembered this was not a restaurant. The waiting fooled me. Besides, I was off to other adventures. Then Dr. D. came in with the Novocaine. The gas was working so well, even he looked cute. Then came the 1/4 inch foot-long needle with the football pump syringe. You ever see a large ship pull into harbor? They pull in real slow, like slow motion, like Slow Bruce-Blue Spruce. Read yesterdays post. When they finally make contact with the huge rubber stoppers, they bounce 2 or 3 times before coming to a stop. That's what this hyperdemeric is like, only there's nothing hyper about it. I think one of those needles came out thru my left cheek and I'm not talking facial. Anyway, the Christmas music was playing, the manger scene was set up and I was just fine.Even if I did have to grip my own flesh a little tighter! I'm having this wonderful time and then it hits me. I could write a screenplay about a comedian who has run dry. When he goes to the dentist and gets this laughing gas, he gets inspired! I'll get Steve Martin to play the part. He's lying there and his cell phone vibrates. He answers it, Herrow? This is the brank? Yeth, I'm weady to move ahead with the roan. Rokay, rill trok wraater. He takes this routine to the nite club and they love it. He does this act for two weeks. but then he needs another act. So he has to go back to the dentist. He pulls a filling loose so he can get an emergency appointment. The gas is doing it's thing and he's writing a routine about an elephant keeper who has a date with a girl who thinks he is a CIA agent. Of course he can't get rid of the odor, so he goes thru these wild and crazy schemes to keep her from getting too close, even though he very much wants her to get too close. Back to me. I'm lying here thinking of silly thoughts and occasionally I have to stifle a belly laugh. Part of me is near hysterical and the other part is in serious pain. Did you ever see The Two Headed Transplant. They transplanted the head of this escaped convict onto the shoulder of this very tall, large mentally handicapped young man. When they woke up, the criminal head didn't miss a beat. Come on, let's get out of here. He proceeded to do bad things. The other head was crying, because he was a good soul. It's kind of like that. I'm telling myself focus on the fun me and ignore the hurting me. It's like trying not to think of a purple possum. The more you try, the harder it is. But I did overcome. Then there was another problem. I was too happy. I was in danger of doing the Elvis sneer. The curled lip. That happens when you try to stifle a laugh. I didn't want Wendy to think I was laughing, or impersonating Elvis. She might just think my lip was itching. Every now and then I would get the three taps on the chin to let me know to close up on Mr. Sippie. I then realized how numb my face was. It was soon over. I went to my car and the Johnny Rivers cd was playing. I started to sing along and realized I sounded pretty darn good.
I washed my hands, in muddy water.
I washed my ha-ands, but they wouldn't come clean.
I tried to do-o, what my daddy taught me, oh yeah,
But I must have washed my hands in a muddy stream!
You see, when one of your cheeks (that's face) is numb, it makes you sound just like a country singer. You can kinda get the idea by pinching as much of one cheek (facial) as you can and then hold that while you sing. The other way would be to get a big plug of "Bull of the Woods" chewing tobacco or "Cold Turkey" or "Devils Chewing Gum" and stick that in your cheek. Only problem is pretty soon you got yourself two mouths, cause that stuff will eat right thru. So you can sing country songs and sip beer at the same time, making every country singers dream come true!
I said warden, when's my time up?
He said son, you know we won't forget.
And if you try to just keep your hands clean, uh-huh
We just might make a good man of you yet!
Hot dog! I just found me two new careers! Also I could be a prize fighter, you know a boxer. When my face is numb, I won't feel a thing. I won't care how hard they hit me. If I can just figure a way to get the gas out there.
Well I couldn't wait, to get my time in.
I broke out, broke out the Nashville Jail.
I just crossed Atlanta Georgia, uh-huh,
And I can hear those bloodhounds on my trail.
Yep I'm thinking about adding a DDS to the end of my name. Dental Dependent Syndrome. Hows that for an idea? If you get a disease or have a bad habit, that gets added to the end of your name. Because they will soon discriminate against smokers or overweight people in matters of qualifying for health insurance. Your premiums could go up. Sam Walker DKR (drinker). Sue Mallard SMKR. Tom Brown HHD. (hot head) Jean Smith LBN (lame brain) I do not know anyone by these names, so if it happens to be your name, I'm not talking about you. So you could say Ralph UpJohn PRND (paranoid)
so long, Merry Christmas! Walt Lewis GGR
I was born, in Macon Georgia,
They kept my daddy, in the Macon Jail
And he said son, If you keep your hands clean, uh-huh,
You won't hear those bloodhounds on your trail.
I washed my hands, in muddy water............
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Slow Bruce - A Christmas Tree Saga
Hi guys!
I mentioned my Christmas Tree that we practically stole for $35. I wondered what could be wrong with a tree that's 10 feet tall, 6 feet wide, smells great, has a straight trunk and even has a firm top on which to attach our heavy star. As Elwood P. Dowd would say, it's a little spiffed! It can't stand up straight. I named my tree because when he falls, it's in slow motion. You can see him begin to fall from across the room and then just like OJ in the UPS commercial, sprinting thru the airport, jumping turnstiles you can get there in time to catch him. His name is Bruce, Slow Bruce! Try that line on the chicks. I call him Slow Bruce-Blue Spruce. He fell over, with all of the lights wound around his waist 20 times. And all of those ornaments. What a mess. Of course the three gallons of water all spilled out too. Aaron and I got him stood back up. About an hour later, I had all the lights back up.
Undie Regulation:
This is not about the guys that wear their levi's at half mast. I'm talking about regulation as in with utilities. At first we regulated them. Then some Einstein got the idea that we should deregulate them and let free enterprise do it's thing. We did that with the gas companies and they all got together and decided to follow congress and just agree on a raise for everyone. All of the Gas Guys. So now they collectively gouge us. I am ready to underegulate them! That's what I meant. You know they charge for your space in the pipeline. How about milk? Do I have to pay for my space in the udder? Because this is udderly rediculous! Saw it coming. I know. I'm sorry. Do we pay for our space in the um - where eggs come from? And who ever was the first one to decide that we should eat something that comes out of a chickens' kazooer? Wish I could think of something like that. Guess I was born at the wrong time. Of course, I would have been dead by now, so. I'm glad I was born when I was. If I had been born later, it would have been difficult for my mother. I was born the same year as the Corvette. That should tell you something. My transmission is slipping, my valves are worn and the seat is in pretty rough shape too! I once had an eye problem. I went to a opthamologist, fireman, general practise, neurologist and finally a neuro-opthamologist. They finally said that I am a classic! That made me feel swell! They took about a gallon of blood to use for future testing and said don't call us - we'll call you - if we find a cure. There probably isn't one unless they take off my head and put on another one that has better eyes and maybe straighter teeth. My drivers license is good until 2017 so hopefully they'll come up with something by then.
I'm going back to the dentist tomorrow for Torture Part II. Guess I'll see the Gas Man again. It seems everywhere I go I am confronted with gas. Perhaps, I'll start a new series entitled "Gas- our friend". It really is. If you could not have gas, you would explode. We need gas for heating, running our cars, anesticizing our mouth at the denist and for whoopee cushions..Yes, gas is our friend. By the way, you may have heard that cow flatulance is more responsible for the ozone problems than motor cars and electric power plants. So when you eat a burger, you are supporting global warming. But hey, it's winter and I think we could use some warming. They say a cold winter ensures a smaller bug population. I have never seen a smaller bug population.
Have a nice evening - may visions of sugar plums dance in your heads! but only if they take thier shoes off.
I mentioned my Christmas Tree that we practically stole for $35. I wondered what could be wrong with a tree that's 10 feet tall, 6 feet wide, smells great, has a straight trunk and even has a firm top on which to attach our heavy star. As Elwood P. Dowd would say, it's a little spiffed! It can't stand up straight. I named my tree because when he falls, it's in slow motion. You can see him begin to fall from across the room and then just like OJ in the UPS commercial, sprinting thru the airport, jumping turnstiles you can get there in time to catch him. His name is Bruce, Slow Bruce! Try that line on the chicks. I call him Slow Bruce-Blue Spruce. He fell over, with all of the lights wound around his waist 20 times. And all of those ornaments. What a mess. Of course the three gallons of water all spilled out too. Aaron and I got him stood back up. About an hour later, I had all the lights back up.
Undie Regulation:
This is not about the guys that wear their levi's at half mast. I'm talking about regulation as in with utilities. At first we regulated them. Then some Einstein got the idea that we should deregulate them and let free enterprise do it's thing. We did that with the gas companies and they all got together and decided to follow congress and just agree on a raise for everyone. All of the Gas Guys. So now they collectively gouge us. I am ready to underegulate them! That's what I meant. You know they charge for your space in the pipeline. How about milk? Do I have to pay for my space in the udder? Because this is udderly rediculous! Saw it coming. I know. I'm sorry. Do we pay for our space in the um - where eggs come from? And who ever was the first one to decide that we should eat something that comes out of a chickens' kazooer? Wish I could think of something like that. Guess I was born at the wrong time. Of course, I would have been dead by now, so. I'm glad I was born when I was. If I had been born later, it would have been difficult for my mother. I was born the same year as the Corvette. That should tell you something. My transmission is slipping, my valves are worn and the seat is in pretty rough shape too! I once had an eye problem. I went to a opthamologist, fireman, general practise, neurologist and finally a neuro-opthamologist. They finally said that I am a classic! That made me feel swell! They took about a gallon of blood to use for future testing and said don't call us - we'll call you - if we find a cure. There probably isn't one unless they take off my head and put on another one that has better eyes and maybe straighter teeth. My drivers license is good until 2017 so hopefully they'll come up with something by then.
I'm going back to the dentist tomorrow for Torture Part II. Guess I'll see the Gas Man again. It seems everywhere I go I am confronted with gas. Perhaps, I'll start a new series entitled "Gas- our friend". It really is. If you could not have gas, you would explode. We need gas for heating, running our cars, anesticizing our mouth at the denist and for whoopee cushions..Yes, gas is our friend. By the way, you may have heard that cow flatulance is more responsible for the ozone problems than motor cars and electric power plants. So when you eat a burger, you are supporting global warming. But hey, it's winter and I think we could use some warming. They say a cold winter ensures a smaller bug population. I have never seen a smaller bug population.
Have a nice evening - may visions of sugar plums dance in your heads! but only if they take thier shoes off.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Tis the Season to be Jolly!
Hi friends,
I call you all friends, because no one other than, would bother to read such tripe! You can't even wrap fish in this or line the bird cage when you're done! Best thing I can say is that it's free. I went to a White Elephant party yesterday. As Neil Armstrong would say, "It was a blast". Now there were several dishes. Some were casseroles. You never know what is in those. I kept wondering which one had the white elephant in it. I hear it taste like chicken. I think it was in the desert! No one does chocolate moose anymore. The new rage is Vanilla Elephant! Sounds like a sixties group. Remember Vanilla Fudge, Cream, Strawberry Alarm Clock. Deep Purple, Iron Butterfly? It turned out, what we did was open good and bad gifts. The worst gift was probably the deluxe whoopee cushion set, complete with official Making Whoopee sweatshirt. Making whoopee, used to mean something else entirely. Wear it proudly Mike! Or put it in a time capsule not to be opened before 2050. Imagine what the write-up would say: Apparently due to economic downturn in the first decade of the century, masses turned their attention to the gas filled cushions which made flatulent audibles when sat upon by unsuspecting guests. In the past, we had gifts like the awful-ugly clock, once picked out to be a thoughtful wedding gift. That thing was thrust upon unsuspecting recipient year after year and finally was deposited in Florida. Another was the ugly old woman with sagging appendages, standing on the scales. This coveted item was passed around also. This year one of the gags was a singing frog. We finagled and schemed the best we could to get it in our possession, for we knew it's worth. But some of the other grandparents also wanted the coveted croaker to display for their grandbabies. Alas, we lost possession of the green toad. Just then as the party was over, our friends, the sponsor of the gift, handed us our very own Christmas Frog. We had fought like five year olds for this thing and now it was ours! But more importantly we had thoughtful friends! The Sills, not the Cowsills, another group, not the Window Sills, they might now be known as the Frog Sills. Thanks guys! Now we can listen to the ribit rock all Christmas season! Another time capsule item would be the set of VHS tapes and the 8 year old box of Millenios, the special edition box of Cheerios commemorating the year 2000. Supposedly there is a "2" in there with all of the "0's". We also had fun naming state capitols. I thought of two! That's a really sadistic game! I used to like to play"name that disease". Of course now that most of my lady friends are nurses, it's not as much fun! When you get my age, your lady friends are nurses by default. Fortunately, my wife is a nurse. She won't let me croak until I build up a retirement, so I keep drawing it out. It's life insurance. She keeps hinting that I should get double indemnity. That's where if you loose all 5 appendages in one accident, resulting in death, she collects double. She's been reading those Stephen King books and I'm a little worried. Better pull a little more out of retirement.
I had to go back to work today after five days off. I got home and Jennifer (daughter) says it's cold. My usual response is "put on a sweater". I checked the thermostat and it said 66. A little low even by my standards. I crunk it up, but it wouldn't crank. Just then Aaron "son" informed me there was a notice from the gas company. They had shut off our gas. Well! We found our bill which wasn't due until December 30th, so we called. They admitted their error and promised to shut the gas back on by the 19th. Can you shut things on that have been shut off? Today is the 15th. that's 9 days! Are they crazy?! I told the guy we have four people here who needs baths and dishes to wash and we want our gas back on tonite! I told him we're going to stand around here naked until they get her, because we are ready for our baths! He said he'd check. We went back and forth 3 or 4 times with him and then his supervisor, who was named Teeko, or something. I won't say the name of the company, but I am switching both my houses to someone other than Gas South. I guess all of their guys are busy filling those whoopee cushions at night and can't break free to restore my gas. If I had failed to pay my bill, there would be a $200 reconnection fee and a $5000 deposit!.
Anyway it is now 69 degrees, I guess, after baking cookies. We put up more Christmas decorations and played Christmas music. The tree smells wonderful. It's a big wide blue spruce. We could have gotten an artificial tree for $230 but this one was almost free and we had the fun and adventure of chopping it down, loading it on top of the car and hightailing it out of there before getting caught. It didn't leave that big of a gap. In a few years another will grow right in it's place. I stole that line from my dentist, Dr. D.
I'm going to bed where it's warm. Hope you will do the same. Good night nurse!
I call you all friends, because no one other than, would bother to read such tripe! You can't even wrap fish in this or line the bird cage when you're done! Best thing I can say is that it's free. I went to a White Elephant party yesterday. As Neil Armstrong would say, "It was a blast". Now there were several dishes. Some were casseroles. You never know what is in those. I kept wondering which one had the white elephant in it. I hear it taste like chicken. I think it was in the desert! No one does chocolate moose anymore. The new rage is Vanilla Elephant! Sounds like a sixties group. Remember Vanilla Fudge, Cream, Strawberry Alarm Clock. Deep Purple, Iron Butterfly? It turned out, what we did was open good and bad gifts. The worst gift was probably the deluxe whoopee cushion set, complete with official Making Whoopee sweatshirt. Making whoopee, used to mean something else entirely. Wear it proudly Mike! Or put it in a time capsule not to be opened before 2050. Imagine what the write-up would say: Apparently due to economic downturn in the first decade of the century, masses turned their attention to the gas filled cushions which made flatulent audibles when sat upon by unsuspecting guests. In the past, we had gifts like the awful-ugly clock, once picked out to be a thoughtful wedding gift. That thing was thrust upon unsuspecting recipient year after year and finally was deposited in Florida. Another was the ugly old woman with sagging appendages, standing on the scales. This coveted item was passed around also. This year one of the gags was a singing frog. We finagled and schemed the best we could to get it in our possession, for we knew it's worth. But some of the other grandparents also wanted the coveted croaker to display for their grandbabies. Alas, we lost possession of the green toad. Just then as the party was over, our friends, the sponsor of the gift, handed us our very own Christmas Frog. We had fought like five year olds for this thing and now it was ours! But more importantly we had thoughtful friends! The Sills, not the Cowsills, another group, not the Window Sills, they might now be known as the Frog Sills. Thanks guys! Now we can listen to the ribit rock all Christmas season! Another time capsule item would be the set of VHS tapes and the 8 year old box of Millenios, the special edition box of Cheerios commemorating the year 2000. Supposedly there is a "2" in there with all of the "0's". We also had fun naming state capitols. I thought of two! That's a really sadistic game! I used to like to play"name that disease". Of course now that most of my lady friends are nurses, it's not as much fun! When you get my age, your lady friends are nurses by default. Fortunately, my wife is a nurse. She won't let me croak until I build up a retirement, so I keep drawing it out. It's life insurance. She keeps hinting that I should get double indemnity. That's where if you loose all 5 appendages in one accident, resulting in death, she collects double. She's been reading those Stephen King books and I'm a little worried. Better pull a little more out of retirement.
I had to go back to work today after five days off. I got home and Jennifer (daughter) says it's cold. My usual response is "put on a sweater". I checked the thermostat and it said 66. A little low even by my standards. I crunk it up, but it wouldn't crank. Just then Aaron "son" informed me there was a notice from the gas company. They had shut off our gas. Well! We found our bill which wasn't due until December 30th, so we called. They admitted their error and promised to shut the gas back on by the 19th. Can you shut things on that have been shut off? Today is the 15th. that's 9 days! Are they crazy?! I told the guy we have four people here who needs baths and dishes to wash and we want our gas back on tonite! I told him we're going to stand around here naked until they get her, because we are ready for our baths! He said he'd check. We went back and forth 3 or 4 times with him and then his supervisor, who was named Teeko, or something. I won't say the name of the company, but I am switching both my houses to someone other than Gas South. I guess all of their guys are busy filling those whoopee cushions at night and can't break free to restore my gas. If I had failed to pay my bill, there would be a $200 reconnection fee and a $5000 deposit!.
Anyway it is now 69 degrees, I guess, after baking cookies. We put up more Christmas decorations and played Christmas music. The tree smells wonderful. It's a big wide blue spruce. We could have gotten an artificial tree for $230 but this one was almost free and we had the fun and adventure of chopping it down, loading it on top of the car and hightailing it out of there before getting caught. It didn't leave that big of a gap. In a few years another will grow right in it's place. I stole that line from my dentist, Dr. D.
I'm going to bed where it's warm. Hope you will do the same. Good night nurse!
Friday, December 12, 2008
Alice's Restaurant
Hi guys,
Probably not many remember Arlo Guthrie and Alice's Restaurant. I had the album, but don't know the whole story, so I hope it's not a bad one. The line in the song was :You can get anything you want, in Alice's Restaurant - excepting Alice". I always thought somehow it had something to do with protesting the war. Anyway, it's seems, I have been in a restaurant or two every day, so, let's do RESTAURANT REVIEW:
Okay, we were with friends at Logans the other day. You get free peanuts, right off the bat, but apparently, the way they keep you from eating the peanuts and just leaving, is to not bring you water. They took our drink orders, 3 waters and a tea. Twenty minutes later, they came back to see if we needed refills. What are y'all drinking? Nothing, so far! We did have some hot rolls and butter. No plates. I was hoping when my pork chop comes, it will have a plate. I could just eat it like fried chicken, but the baked potato would be difficult. We go on talking another 30 minutes or so and I ask my friends, "Did we not order food?'. Yes we did. A good time was being had by all, so, on this night, we weren't too worried about the temporary starvation. Our waitress, Roxanne, was friendly and likable, but 1 fish short of being effishunt. Don't spend too much time on that. About being likable, I first chose likeable and spellcheck didn't seem to lik it. Likable seems to better describe a Popsicle. The food was great. We had the 2 for S13.99 special. I guess you don't get violins and champagne for that!.
Another establishment we visited with more friends was Long Horns. I must say they were effishunt and pleasant and the food was again very good. But, at this steak house, they did not have baked potatos, or is it potatoes. It's a tough country. You can be friends with racists and terrorists and still become president., but if you misspell potato as judge in a spelling bee, using their list, you can not even become a Wal Mart greeter!. Help me out here, Quayle. I offered the waitress to drive over to Publix, around the corner and get them some potatos. We had french fries. I later wondered why could not they have just baked some of those potatos, they were making french fries out of. Now, we have to go back a few years to an Italian restaurant at Myrtle Beach. Now when I say Italian, I'm not being racist, they actually say that on the sign. I order steak. With my steak, I ordered potatos. They could have been baked potatos or french fried potatos. I was Mr. Flexible. The diego waiter, whoops! informed me that this being an Italian restaurant, they did not serve potatos. I informed him, that if you advertise steak, it would be ridiculous not to also offer potatos. That would be like - like - having - steak without potatos! Or scrambled eggs without bacon or grits. Like having bar b without q. Okay, that didn't make sense. So the Italian waiter becomes somewhat indignant. I love how some words are almost lik a picture of what they mean. You can say "indignant" and just picture this uppity, stuffed shirt person, being totally repulsed at some otherwise daily activity of the uncouth, such as I. I'm not all that intelligent. My world view is not very fined tuned. You're perusing the writings of a lunatic. I'm the guy who thought the governor of Chicago was in trouble. If that takes you a minute, neither are you the smartest person in the world. But, even I know that there is no entire country in the world, not even in 3rd or 4th world nations, where the people don't eat potatos! You take away their potatos and they will revolt! You check it! Alexander the Great, never took away his subjects potatos. Nor did Mussilini, or even Castro. Well, I can tell you, a restaurant without potatos is a restuarant without yours truly.
I'll keep trying different restuarants and I'll let you know what I find out.
A loaf of bread, a jug of wine and look out!
I'm cooking steaks on the grill tonite. No complaints about the cook, the food, the waitress, the ambiance and no heads left on the meat! Also we are having baked potatoe!
Chow!
Probably not many remember Arlo Guthrie and Alice's Restaurant. I had the album, but don't know the whole story, so I hope it's not a bad one. The line in the song was :You can get anything you want, in Alice's Restaurant - excepting Alice". I always thought somehow it had something to do with protesting the war. Anyway, it's seems, I have been in a restaurant or two every day, so, let's do RESTAURANT REVIEW:
Okay, we were with friends at Logans the other day. You get free peanuts, right off the bat, but apparently, the way they keep you from eating the peanuts and just leaving, is to not bring you water. They took our drink orders, 3 waters and a tea. Twenty minutes later, they came back to see if we needed refills. What are y'all drinking? Nothing, so far! We did have some hot rolls and butter. No plates. I was hoping when my pork chop comes, it will have a plate. I could just eat it like fried chicken, but the baked potato would be difficult. We go on talking another 30 minutes or so and I ask my friends, "Did we not order food?'. Yes we did. A good time was being had by all, so, on this night, we weren't too worried about the temporary starvation. Our waitress, Roxanne, was friendly and likable, but 1 fish short of being effishunt. Don't spend too much time on that. About being likable, I first chose likeable and spellcheck didn't seem to lik it. Likable seems to better describe a Popsicle. The food was great. We had the 2 for S13.99 special. I guess you don't get violins and champagne for that!.
Another establishment we visited with more friends was Long Horns. I must say they were effishunt and pleasant and the food was again very good. But, at this steak house, they did not have baked potatos, or is it potatoes. It's a tough country. You can be friends with racists and terrorists and still become president., but if you misspell potato as judge in a spelling bee, using their list, you can not even become a Wal Mart greeter!. Help me out here, Quayle. I offered the waitress to drive over to Publix, around the corner and get them some potatos. We had french fries. I later wondered why could not they have just baked some of those potatos, they were making french fries out of. Now, we have to go back a few years to an Italian restaurant at Myrtle Beach. Now when I say Italian, I'm not being racist, they actually say that on the sign. I order steak. With my steak, I ordered potatos. They could have been baked potatos or french fried potatos. I was Mr. Flexible. The diego waiter, whoops! informed me that this being an Italian restaurant, they did not serve potatos. I informed him, that if you advertise steak, it would be ridiculous not to also offer potatos. That would be like - like - having - steak without potatos! Or scrambled eggs without bacon or grits. Like having bar b without q. Okay, that didn't make sense. So the Italian waiter becomes somewhat indignant. I love how some words are almost lik a picture of what they mean. You can say "indignant" and just picture this uppity, stuffed shirt person, being totally repulsed at some otherwise daily activity of the uncouth, such as I. I'm not all that intelligent. My world view is not very fined tuned. You're perusing the writings of a lunatic. I'm the guy who thought the governor of Chicago was in trouble. If that takes you a minute, neither are you the smartest person in the world. But, even I know that there is no entire country in the world, not even in 3rd or 4th world nations, where the people don't eat potatos! You take away their potatos and they will revolt! You check it! Alexander the Great, never took away his subjects potatos. Nor did Mussilini, or even Castro. Well, I can tell you, a restaurant without potatos is a restuarant without yours truly.
I'll keep trying different restuarants and I'll let you know what I find out.
A loaf of bread, a jug of wine and look out!
I'm cooking steaks on the grill tonite. No complaints about the cook, the food, the waitress, the ambiance and no heads left on the meat! Also we are having baked potatoe!
Chow!
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
D U I
Hi guys,
Today's entire post was written from the dentist office. I was in for a deeep cleaning. When they did that to my Sebring, it was $450.00. This is more. And I have to go back next week to do the other side. I have two fears. I have an entirely rational fear of heights. Now fear of lime jello would be silly. But you can get hurt or seriously killed from messing around with heights. Here's how it goes with me. When I am up high, like at the top of a light house or the edge of a cliff, it's as if there is a vacuum drawing me into the endless shaft of air. Well not quite endless. My leg muscles tense up and feel as though they might involuntarily spring me into a triple gainer or just a nose dive. Only problem is usually when your nose dives, the rest of you follows. At no other time and really not even at that time, do I have a desire to die. The other fear is probably sillier. It is a fear of not being allowed to swallow, like in a dentist chair. I am what dental people call a gagger. Not to my face of course. I even gag myself sometimes when I brush my teeth on Saturday nights. I never skip Saturday night teeth brushing. It's a habit of mine. One of the 59 habits of highly effective, extremely successful, always confident, forever loved, respected and admired people. Only 58 more to go! It's really a problem at the dentist office.
Here's how it went today. First, my dental lady. I'll call her Wendi, because I don't know her name and wouldn't embarrass her anyway. Wendi is very nice. First, she rubs a topical gel or cream on my gums, for a numbing effect, just the right side for today. She applies this with three 2-foot long Q-tips from across the room. I have to keep these in my mouth for 17 minutes. One of the many reasons I never smoked is that I would gag on a cigarette. I know because I gagged on the candy ones. I thought that the cream/gel was nice. Then the head hauncho, better described as the mouth hauncho, comes in with plastic gloves on. Now these guys wear all manner of protective clothing. They wear eyeglasses, face mask, a welders hood over that, plastic gloves and under the appropriate holiday smock, they wear a full wet suit. Don Quixote would thoroughly thrash his own mother for protective gear like this. I couldn't see what the dental guru had behind his back, but soon I was made aware. It was a quarter inch, foot long needle with the football pump syringe!. That's what the numbing gel was for! The first two or three jabs brought a dull prolonged pain. Then came the last one,between my tongue and the back of my jaw. I think the other end of that needle came out between my shoulder blades. Then he firmly jiggled it for full effect. Dr. D, not his real initial, is nice too. He always plays happy music. I like that. This time they played Christmas music. I want to go back to the dentist every Christmas now. It's part of my new Christmas tradition. Let's make this as pleasant as possible! Of course I know why he is happy. He drives an exotic sports car. A different one every day of the week. And I figured I've paid for at least one of them. Now Wendi goes to work. She starts to scrape my teeth with this motorized thing. I first I thought it was one of those dremel grinders, but it's actually water, propelled at 9000 gallons per second. It's the same one they used to cut open safes when the timer is set for 24 hours and there's someone inside with only 12 minutes of air. If you miss the edge of the tooth, it feels like they cut a gash in your mouth. Of course, I can only guess, since I have the gel/cream and the Novocain. Wendi and I sort of have a relationship by now. We understand each other. I understand that she will do whatever it takes to decrud my mouth and she understands it's my own stupid fault for letting it get this way. I am not waiting for New Years Day. I never make resolutions, because I stink at keeping them! But this year, I am making a Christmas resolution! I am going to the dentist every six months. They reccomend every 5 weeks for me, but I think they exaggerate. The first time I ever flew in an airplane, or should I simply say, the first time I ever flew, I was forty something. It scares me some. But I had heard the stories about pretty stewardesses, so I was anxious to see what kind of beauty quuen would be fluffing my pillow and offering coffee, tea or milk? I am not kidding about this. My stewardess looked like Ma Kettle, without make up. I figured she had been hand picked by Wilbur and Orville. My wife and friends were with me, so I wasn't expecting anything more than just to see what all of the hullabaloo was about. Mystery over! Wendi is not like that. She is a cute young lady. We had a little communication system going. Without explanation, she would tap 3 times on my chin and I would instinctively know that she wanted me to close my lips around Mr Sippie so all of the saliva and stuff would be sucked out. No more of those little mini toilet bowls that we used to lean over and spit into.Yes, I like to think that I'm one of her special patients and that she will remember me. I'm very sure that she will. Because I gagged and coughed and generally was a pain. Now if I see her in Wal Mart, I will not remember her. For one thing I didn't have my glasses on. I imagine at the dental office Christmas Party, they will pass around stories about the time they had to clean my teeth. There was one that sandblasted me and another who had to make two molds of my teeth because I gagged in the middle of the first one. I'm sure they draw cotton swabs to see who gets me! I'm a dental hygienist nightmare! I was so bad, that she finally suggested laughing gas. I told her I didn't think it was working because I usually feel very silly and did not yet. I think she cranked it up all the way now. At this point, I handed to her the keys to my mouth. I quit worrying about it and relinquished control. Normally I like to control what goes in my mouth and how long it stays there. But, at this point, I really didn't care too much. I thought of all manner of silly things. Some could be printed, some could not. The Christmas music was playing and I entered a world of my own choosing. Only now and then, Wendi would tap on my chin, to remind me to suck on the tube.
I suppose next week they will again supply me with my daily post.
Poor Dr D. If I go to the dentist every six months, he will soon be driving a Yugo on Thursdays. Sweet dreams, Wendi
Today's entire post was written from the dentist office. I was in for a deeep cleaning. When they did that to my Sebring, it was $450.00. This is more. And I have to go back next week to do the other side. I have two fears. I have an entirely rational fear of heights. Now fear of lime jello would be silly. But you can get hurt or seriously killed from messing around with heights. Here's how it goes with me. When I am up high, like at the top of a light house or the edge of a cliff, it's as if there is a vacuum drawing me into the endless shaft of air. Well not quite endless. My leg muscles tense up and feel as though they might involuntarily spring me into a triple gainer or just a nose dive. Only problem is usually when your nose dives, the rest of you follows. At no other time and really not even at that time, do I have a desire to die. The other fear is probably sillier. It is a fear of not being allowed to swallow, like in a dentist chair. I am what dental people call a gagger. Not to my face of course. I even gag myself sometimes when I brush my teeth on Saturday nights. I never skip Saturday night teeth brushing. It's a habit of mine. One of the 59 habits of highly effective, extremely successful, always confident, forever loved, respected and admired people. Only 58 more to go! It's really a problem at the dentist office.
Here's how it went today. First, my dental lady. I'll call her Wendi, because I don't know her name and wouldn't embarrass her anyway. Wendi is very nice. First, she rubs a topical gel or cream on my gums, for a numbing effect, just the right side for today. She applies this with three 2-foot long Q-tips from across the room. I have to keep these in my mouth for 17 minutes. One of the many reasons I never smoked is that I would gag on a cigarette. I know because I gagged on the candy ones. I thought that the cream/gel was nice. Then the head hauncho, better described as the mouth hauncho, comes in with plastic gloves on. Now these guys wear all manner of protective clothing. They wear eyeglasses, face mask, a welders hood over that, plastic gloves and under the appropriate holiday smock, they wear a full wet suit. Don Quixote would thoroughly thrash his own mother for protective gear like this. I couldn't see what the dental guru had behind his back, but soon I was made aware. It was a quarter inch, foot long needle with the football pump syringe!. That's what the numbing gel was for! The first two or three jabs brought a dull prolonged pain. Then came the last one,between my tongue and the back of my jaw. I think the other end of that needle came out between my shoulder blades. Then he firmly jiggled it for full effect. Dr. D, not his real initial, is nice too. He always plays happy music. I like that. This time they played Christmas music. I want to go back to the dentist every Christmas now. It's part of my new Christmas tradition. Let's make this as pleasant as possible! Of course I know why he is happy. He drives an exotic sports car. A different one every day of the week. And I figured I've paid for at least one of them. Now Wendi goes to work. She starts to scrape my teeth with this motorized thing. I first I thought it was one of those dremel grinders, but it's actually water, propelled at 9000 gallons per second. It's the same one they used to cut open safes when the timer is set for 24 hours and there's someone inside with only 12 minutes of air. If you miss the edge of the tooth, it feels like they cut a gash in your mouth. Of course, I can only guess, since I have the gel/cream and the Novocain. Wendi and I sort of have a relationship by now. We understand each other. I understand that she will do whatever it takes to decrud my mouth and she understands it's my own stupid fault for letting it get this way. I am not waiting for New Years Day. I never make resolutions, because I stink at keeping them! But this year, I am making a Christmas resolution! I am going to the dentist every six months. They reccomend every 5 weeks for me, but I think they exaggerate. The first time I ever flew in an airplane, or should I simply say, the first time I ever flew, I was forty something. It scares me some. But I had heard the stories about pretty stewardesses, so I was anxious to see what kind of beauty quuen would be fluffing my pillow and offering coffee, tea or milk? I am not kidding about this. My stewardess looked like Ma Kettle, without make up. I figured she had been hand picked by Wilbur and Orville. My wife and friends were with me, so I wasn't expecting anything more than just to see what all of the hullabaloo was about. Mystery over! Wendi is not like that. She is a cute young lady. We had a little communication system going. Without explanation, she would tap 3 times on my chin and I would instinctively know that she wanted me to close my lips around Mr Sippie so all of the saliva and stuff would be sucked out. No more of those little mini toilet bowls that we used to lean over and spit into.Yes, I like to think that I'm one of her special patients and that she will remember me. I'm very sure that she will. Because I gagged and coughed and generally was a pain. Now if I see her in Wal Mart, I will not remember her. For one thing I didn't have my glasses on. I imagine at the dental office Christmas Party, they will pass around stories about the time they had to clean my teeth. There was one that sandblasted me and another who had to make two molds of my teeth because I gagged in the middle of the first one. I'm sure they draw cotton swabs to see who gets me! I'm a dental hygienist nightmare! I was so bad, that she finally suggested laughing gas. I told her I didn't think it was working because I usually feel very silly and did not yet. I think she cranked it up all the way now. At this point, I handed to her the keys to my mouth. I quit worrying about it and relinquished control. Normally I like to control what goes in my mouth and how long it stays there. But, at this point, I really didn't care too much. I thought of all manner of silly things. Some could be printed, some could not. The Christmas music was playing and I entered a world of my own choosing. Only now and then, Wendi would tap on my chin, to remind me to suck on the tube.
I suppose next week they will again supply me with my daily post.
Poor Dr D. If I go to the dentist every six months, he will soon be driving a Yugo on Thursdays. Sweet dreams, Wendi
It''s late!
Hi late nighters!
As the late Ricky Nelson once sang, "Look at that clock, why can't it be wrong" I'm going to the dentist tomorrow and hoping I can sleep through it! I remember being young. In fact, I believe I still am. Not the "young " of today. I don't multi-task, don't like rap, still believe romance is for two members of the opposite sex to be fully explored only after marriage. But I believe I am almost as young as I was 40 years ago, in the same way that I was young then. I remember when a week was too long to wait for anything! Especially too long to wait for a week end! Now I can wait a year for most anything. Except to make a pit stop. I had beaucoups of fun during my school years. I love that word! It's not bo -coops y'all, it's pronounced boocoo. It's french for oodles. Now go out and use it today. As the old adage goes, "It's not school I don't like-It's the principal of the thing!". Actually the principals weren't so bad, it was the assistant principals. They were the ones who carried out corporal punishment. They had the specialized paddles with the grooves and holes cut in them. One coach had a paddle with a 3 foot long handle. He could glide that wooden whacker in a wide arc, at a moderate speed and by the time the business end of it reached the business of me, it was moving at quantum speed. They put to practice, the theory of relativity. They believed the impact of that grooved bun warmer relative to the screaming nerve endings associated with the gluteus maximas would be enough to thwart the criminal tendencies any unfortunate subjects who challenged the establishment. But nay, there were some who seemed impervious to the whole process. It was like flicking a fly! Of course these guys didn't know their gluteus maximus from a hole in the ground. I would just love to know where that saying came from! You'd have to be a real nuckle head, a total lame brain not to know that. I think that used to be the army test. If you could answer that question correctly, you were enlisted. If you couldn't the IRS could still use you.
What I was getting at is that I was so relieved to have finished high school. I was finally free from the bondage of forced learning. I was a bright kid! Really! I can quote articles from car magazines that I haven't read in 50 years. I know the CID (cubic inch displacement) and horsepower of all of the muscle cars. It's just that I didn't like putting boring information into my mind for the purpose of getting the socially preferred alphabets on my report card, which would declare me suitable and valuable in the world's socio-economic system. You know what? I still don't. It's my mind and I get to say what goes in there! And I don't care much for broccoli. Thank you President George Herman Walker Bush! That man had guts! He didn't take any dodo from anybody! Sorry parents. It won't get any worse. Afterall, that is a partial indirect quasi-quote from the senior Bush. Which brings me to the suggested reading for the week. Hunchback of Notre Dame, by Victor Hugo. Only reason I read it was because it was paired with another favorite by Hugo, Les Miserables. I never know how to pronounce that one. Hugo always has an agenda to push. I may not totally agree with it, but his writings are very interesting. very detailed. very deep. Hunchback is also a good read, featuring Quasimoto. Quasi means "resembling" and moto could mean ox or beast. then it might mean fig pudding. The other interesting thing is that someone told me that an ox is simply a cow that has been allowed to grow very large. Well, naturally, I wanted to know more. I think it's more to do with the occupation of the cow. Also some stipulate that the cow must be castrated, or as an elderly acquaintance of mine used to say, in all seriousness, he should be casperated. That creates a more vivid picture in my mind. I would not like being stipulated, casperated or paddled with an overgrown splintered ping pong paddle.
I hope there's time for a nap tomorrow!
Merry Wednesday everyone! .
As the late Ricky Nelson once sang, "Look at that clock, why can't it be wrong" I'm going to the dentist tomorrow and hoping I can sleep through it! I remember being young. In fact, I believe I still am. Not the "young " of today. I don't multi-task, don't like rap, still believe romance is for two members of the opposite sex to be fully explored only after marriage. But I believe I am almost as young as I was 40 years ago, in the same way that I was young then. I remember when a week was too long to wait for anything! Especially too long to wait for a week end! Now I can wait a year for most anything. Except to make a pit stop. I had beaucoups of fun during my school years. I love that word! It's not bo -coops y'all, it's pronounced boocoo. It's french for oodles. Now go out and use it today. As the old adage goes, "It's not school I don't like-It's the principal of the thing!". Actually the principals weren't so bad, it was the assistant principals. They were the ones who carried out corporal punishment. They had the specialized paddles with the grooves and holes cut in them. One coach had a paddle with a 3 foot long handle. He could glide that wooden whacker in a wide arc, at a moderate speed and by the time the business end of it reached the business of me, it was moving at quantum speed. They put to practice, the theory of relativity. They believed the impact of that grooved bun warmer relative to the screaming nerve endings associated with the gluteus maximas would be enough to thwart the criminal tendencies any unfortunate subjects who challenged the establishment. But nay, there were some who seemed impervious to the whole process. It was like flicking a fly! Of course these guys didn't know their gluteus maximus from a hole in the ground. I would just love to know where that saying came from! You'd have to be a real nuckle head, a total lame brain not to know that. I think that used to be the army test. If you could answer that question correctly, you were enlisted. If you couldn't the IRS could still use you.
What I was getting at is that I was so relieved to have finished high school. I was finally free from the bondage of forced learning. I was a bright kid! Really! I can quote articles from car magazines that I haven't read in 50 years. I know the CID (cubic inch displacement) and horsepower of all of the muscle cars. It's just that I didn't like putting boring information into my mind for the purpose of getting the socially preferred alphabets on my report card, which would declare me suitable and valuable in the world's socio-economic system. You know what? I still don't. It's my mind and I get to say what goes in there! And I don't care much for broccoli. Thank you President George Herman Walker Bush! That man had guts! He didn't take any dodo from anybody! Sorry parents. It won't get any worse. Afterall, that is a partial indirect quasi-quote from the senior Bush. Which brings me to the suggested reading for the week. Hunchback of Notre Dame, by Victor Hugo. Only reason I read it was because it was paired with another favorite by Hugo, Les Miserables. I never know how to pronounce that one. Hugo always has an agenda to push. I may not totally agree with it, but his writings are very interesting. very detailed. very deep. Hunchback is also a good read, featuring Quasimoto. Quasi means "resembling" and moto could mean ox or beast. then it might mean fig pudding. The other interesting thing is that someone told me that an ox is simply a cow that has been allowed to grow very large. Well, naturally, I wanted to know more. I think it's more to do with the occupation of the cow. Also some stipulate that the cow must be castrated, or as an elderly acquaintance of mine used to say, in all seriousness, he should be casperated. That creates a more vivid picture in my mind. I would not like being stipulated, casperated or paddled with an overgrown splintered ping pong paddle.
I hope there's time for a nap tomorrow!
Merry Wednesday everyone! .
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Ulukpo
Hi guys,
I'm thinking of changing my name, to Ulukpo. Pronounced U Look Po. It's a real name. He's got a brother, Mepotoo. And a sister Mesopo. That's enough! Four bad jokes in a row and it's over! A guy I knew in Junior High told a joke that goes like this. What do you call a nation where all of the cars are pink. A pink carnation. He told the same joke with the color green, blue, purple...after about the fifth color I started recognizing a pattern. No flies on me. Okay, maybe some.
Nothing funny happened on the way to the forum today! I'm in the middle of working my 4/10 shifts. Four ten hour days in a row, Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday. Then I have the rest of the week off! I've some fun things lined up to do. I have a two hour dental cleaning, belt to change on my Sebring, shop for a grave marker, give blood for testing and some other less pleasant things. If you have time and want to join me just holler. I might let someone sit in for the dental appointment. I don't enjoy the dentist too much. But let me tell you it is a walk in the park compared to my childhood visits. Way back in the deep recesses of the previous century, when everything was in black and white, I, a very small and helpless child was forced, albeit bodily dragged to the dental dungeon. I'm not sure about albeit, but it seems to work here. I looked it up. it means through and through. Sounds a little redundant. It is my goal to not only inform, hopefully entertain, but last and least of all to ejucate. I was so scared and trembling uncontrollably at the prospect of this place. You see I was an evil child. Always doing what I should not. Always sneaking into the sugar barrel and eating sugar lumps the size of my small fist. So I deserved to be deposited there in that chamber of horror. First they strap you into this primevil barber chair. The barber shop was scary enough, with the deer heads on the wall. I wondered what had they done! Was it worse than raiding the sugar barrel? Afterall a barber is just a dental school reject. They probably took band instead of physical education too. There were some unsettling experiences there too. Fortunately there was always someone scrawnier than me to go through the worst of it. One guy they called Casper was so small he could turn sideways and disappear.The dental dungeon. You sat in the waiting room and read those highlights magazines. Some of these still had the old cave address stickers on the back. They strapped you in this chair, because otherwise, I would have bolted through the nearest opening, be it a coal chute, rat hole or even a sewer pipe. They slide over this tray with all manor of instruments of terror. Sharp things and clamps. Then comes the chart, like a giant report card with lots of "F's" on it. Doom! Five, six hah, hah, seven eight hah hah hah, nine rotten cavernous cavities. Then comes the drill. oops, leave something out? The novacaine? With the quarter inch footlong needle and the football pump syringe? Nope. My machinist with the monster of dentistry diploma on the wall, did not believe evil sugar snatching urchins should receive Novocaine. He believed that if we went through the shear unbridled terror of raw dentistry, we would become sugarophobic. But seven year olds have such short memories and weak resolve. Then they would start with the drilling, the insane whining screeching drilling! I believe I qualify to run for president. I wanted so badly for John McCain to win! He had been through so much. Not as much as I, especially when you count the child factor. I would have gladly donated my teeth to science and just sent my false teeth to the dentist for whatever cleaning and repairs they needed. I still have some of the old fillings. You know they still have mercury in them after all of these years. The fish oil I was taking was drawing out some of the mercury, making everything taste like metal. I had to give it up. Reminds me of the guy who ate a 1958 Pontiac. Now that's a large car. He ground it up and ate a spoonful or so every day. You don't want to go through the airport security behind this guy. He started when the car was new and just finished consummation in 1993. Of course he has to go for emissions inspection every year. He likes to toot his own horn. Just because he has a leather seat and a chrome tailpipe.
Good night, Uluksobrok
I'm thinking of changing my name, to Ulukpo. Pronounced U Look Po. It's a real name. He's got a brother, Mepotoo. And a sister Mesopo. That's enough! Four bad jokes in a row and it's over! A guy I knew in Junior High told a joke that goes like this. What do you call a nation where all of the cars are pink. A pink carnation. He told the same joke with the color green, blue, purple...after about the fifth color I started recognizing a pattern. No flies on me. Okay, maybe some.
Nothing funny happened on the way to the forum today! I'm in the middle of working my 4/10 shifts. Four ten hour days in a row, Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday. Then I have the rest of the week off! I've some fun things lined up to do. I have a two hour dental cleaning, belt to change on my Sebring, shop for a grave marker, give blood for testing and some other less pleasant things. If you have time and want to join me just holler. I might let someone sit in for the dental appointment. I don't enjoy the dentist too much. But let me tell you it is a walk in the park compared to my childhood visits. Way back in the deep recesses of the previous century, when everything was in black and white, I, a very small and helpless child was forced, albeit bodily dragged to the dental dungeon. I'm not sure about albeit, but it seems to work here. I looked it up. it means through and through. Sounds a little redundant. It is my goal to not only inform, hopefully entertain, but last and least of all to ejucate. I was so scared and trembling uncontrollably at the prospect of this place. You see I was an evil child. Always doing what I should not. Always sneaking into the sugar barrel and eating sugar lumps the size of my small fist. So I deserved to be deposited there in that chamber of horror. First they strap you into this primevil barber chair. The barber shop was scary enough, with the deer heads on the wall. I wondered what had they done! Was it worse than raiding the sugar barrel? Afterall a barber is just a dental school reject. They probably took band instead of physical education too. There were some unsettling experiences there too. Fortunately there was always someone scrawnier than me to go through the worst of it. One guy they called Casper was so small he could turn sideways and disappear.The dental dungeon. You sat in the waiting room and read those highlights magazines. Some of these still had the old cave address stickers on the back. They strapped you in this chair, because otherwise, I would have bolted through the nearest opening, be it a coal chute, rat hole or even a sewer pipe. They slide over this tray with all manor of instruments of terror. Sharp things and clamps. Then comes the chart, like a giant report card with lots of "F's" on it. Doom! Five, six hah, hah, seven eight hah hah hah, nine rotten cavernous cavities. Then comes the drill. oops, leave something out? The novacaine? With the quarter inch footlong needle and the football pump syringe? Nope. My machinist with the monster of dentistry diploma on the wall, did not believe evil sugar snatching urchins should receive Novocaine. He believed that if we went through the shear unbridled terror of raw dentistry, we would become sugarophobic. But seven year olds have such short memories and weak resolve. Then they would start with the drilling, the insane whining screeching drilling! I believe I qualify to run for president. I wanted so badly for John McCain to win! He had been through so much. Not as much as I, especially when you count the child factor. I would have gladly donated my teeth to science and just sent my false teeth to the dentist for whatever cleaning and repairs they needed. I still have some of the old fillings. You know they still have mercury in them after all of these years. The fish oil I was taking was drawing out some of the mercury, making everything taste like metal. I had to give it up. Reminds me of the guy who ate a 1958 Pontiac. Now that's a large car. He ground it up and ate a spoonful or so every day. You don't want to go through the airport security behind this guy. He started when the car was new and just finished consummation in 1993. Of course he has to go for emissions inspection every year. He likes to toot his own horn. Just because he has a leather seat and a chrome tailpipe.
Good night, Uluksobrok
Friday, December 5, 2008
Cold December Morn
Hi guys,
There's a song in that title somewhere, "Cold December Morn". I can hear Johnny Cash singin it now with that deep shaky voice he used to have.
All my friends are in jail, and there's no gifts under my tree,
My wife's says there's surefire something bad wrong with me.
Why, me and Jimmy can't even crack corn, (who cares)
And it's a "Cold December Morn".
I'll finish that one day. One really slow day. You never know who to trust. My internet provider tells me that face page may have a problem. Something called Koob Worm Face. I won't worry about it until it shows in the mirror. I quit taking the fish oil a week or so ago. They said the Koob Worm Face could be a phish problem. Those fellers really can't spell worth a wooden jelly bean! I'm going to a White Elephant Party at work. No their not bashing John McCain. I'm compiling a list of things to get for a white elephant.
1. Lady shick
2.under everything deordorant - elephant deodorant.
3. big fan to supplement #2-either way you want to take it.
4. a Michael Jackson skull.
5. pajamas. safari hunter: I once shot an elephant in my pajamas. How it got there, I'll never know! - Groucho Marx. Now she couold have her own.
6. fly swatter.
7. annual pass from Zoo Atlanta
8. a weekend at Jimmy Carter's
Next time you see an elephant in the living room, don't just sit there, get some newspaper!
. Think I'll take the rest of the night off. Just not feeling the vibes. Bytheway, Brian Wilson's mother inspired him to write "Good Vibrations". She told him how dogs pick up on vibrations from people. That's why dogs like some people and not others. I guess he figured that might work with girls. Like the one at wal mart who called me a hater. Works both ways. Another thing dogs pick up on is turkey juice. Get some of that on your fingers and they'll climb all over you!
Good night!
There's a song in that title somewhere, "Cold December Morn". I can hear Johnny Cash singin it now with that deep shaky voice he used to have.
All my friends are in jail, and there's no gifts under my tree,
My wife's says there's surefire something bad wrong with me.
Why, me and Jimmy can't even crack corn, (who cares)
And it's a "Cold December Morn".
I'll finish that one day. One really slow day. You never know who to trust. My internet provider tells me that face page may have a problem. Something called Koob Worm Face. I won't worry about it until it shows in the mirror. I quit taking the fish oil a week or so ago. They said the Koob Worm Face could be a phish problem. Those fellers really can't spell worth a wooden jelly bean! I'm going to a White Elephant Party at work. No their not bashing John McCain. I'm compiling a list of things to get for a white elephant.
1. Lady shick
2.under everything deordorant - elephant deodorant.
3. big fan to supplement #2-either way you want to take it.
4. a Michael Jackson skull.
5. pajamas. safari hunter: I once shot an elephant in my pajamas. How it got there, I'll never know! - Groucho Marx. Now she couold have her own.
6. fly swatter.
7. annual pass from Zoo Atlanta
8. a weekend at Jimmy Carter's
Next time you see an elephant in the living room, don't just sit there, get some newspaper!
. Think I'll take the rest of the night off. Just not feeling the vibes. Bytheway, Brian Wilson's mother inspired him to write "Good Vibrations". She told him how dogs pick up on vibrations from people. That's why dogs like some people and not others. I guess he figured that might work with girls. Like the one at wal mart who called me a hater. Works both ways. Another thing dogs pick up on is turkey juice. Get some of that on your fingers and they'll climb all over you!
Good night!
Thursday, December 4, 2008
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!
Merry Christmas!
I'll say it just because I can. I love Christmas, the music, the decorations the true Christmas story. All of it! Almost. A few things bug me. Their almost not worth mentioning. Let's say I like 97.62 % of everything about Christmas. Am I not the only one who doesn't like "The Christmas Shoe? You know the song? The mother has cancer or something. It's Christmas time and she's laid up in the hospital, dying. Bummer! Guess who is the most precious person in the world to her. Her little boy. Guess where he is. Not at her side, to comfort her, to bring her joy. He's out shopping, to buy his dying mother shoes. She might croak while he's trying to cut a deal on some stylish ruby red heels. His motivation for this madness is that his mother will soon meet Jesus (that's the nice part) and he thinks she would feel so proud if she had a beautiful pair of shoes for the occasion. I don't think you get to take your clothes with you and even if you did, I'm sure Jesus would not care if you came barefooted. I rather think He might like it, although I'm not really in a position to say. I can just picture her lying in that hospital bed with the gown that's stylishly open in the back and those pointy red shoes sticking up under the sheets! I also don't like Rocking Around the Christmas Tree, but who cares. Most everything else I like. Oh, I don't like the "A Christmas Story", the movie about the kid who wants a bb gun, gets his tongue stuck on the pole and his dad has a leg lamp. Sorry, I think it's in bad taste. Some of my best friends love it and I stil love them. If you happen to like this dumb movie, I still love you too! My favorite Christmas movie is of course, "It's a Wonderful life". It's one of the best of all time. Did you know Burt and Ernie of Sesame Street fame got their names from "It's a Wonderful Life"? Burt the cop and Ernie the taxi cab driver. True. This movie is full of value, humor and character. It's a great movie to watch if your depressed. Your Christmas gift to me this year can be to wacth this movie. No leg lamps for me, please.
Your great grandparents probably kept their money under the matress. Turns out, that's probably the safest place. Did Jimmi Hendrix say "'Scuse me while I Kiss the Sky" or "'Scuse Me While I Kiss This Guy"? I've always wondered. I did hear that at the end of one of his last concerts he said to the audience, :If anyone knows how to find true peace, please see me backstage". He was not much longer in this world. I don't know if he ever found the way. Btheway you find true peace by putting all of your trust in Jesus Christ and nothing else. That's it!
If you want to know what just happened, watch "Mr. Smith Goes to Washington", the orginal version with Jimmy Stewart. An honest man goes to Washington and witnesses first hand, the corruption of those he once admired. He carrys on a one man fillabuster, which by the way is not a cheese sandwich and thwarts the plans of the evil congress. By the time he finishes talking non-stop for 16 hours, he needs a couple of philly-busters and a big tall frog drownder. Okay, I like Jimmy Stewart.
I long for the day when the worst the songwriters could think of was counting flowers on the wall, that don't bother me at all, playing solitaire till dawn with a deck of 51, smoking cigarettes and watching Captin Kangaroo, now don't tell me, I've got nothing to do. Now see, all you bored retirees, there is something to do!
I have a new plan to deal with the high cost of living. I could move in at the office. Since my wife works there too, she could move in. They have showers, TV's and gobs of compiters. They're open 24/7. We could sell our house and get a minivan or two too keep some stuff in. Just for a few months, maybe a year. Of course there's always Wal-Mart. They have food and everything you need. I think they should build Wal-Mart condos. The condos could be on the second floor, with an indoor/outdoor pool and a small theater. If you need anything, just go downstairs and buy it. The city buses could pick you up at the door, or better yet, have an elevated rail pick you up on the second floor. If you come, they will build it!
I guess that's enough fiddle-faddle. Good night.
I'll say it just because I can. I love Christmas, the music, the decorations the true Christmas story. All of it! Almost. A few things bug me. Their almost not worth mentioning. Let's say I like 97.62 % of everything about Christmas. Am I not the only one who doesn't like "The Christmas Shoe? You know the song? The mother has cancer or something. It's Christmas time and she's laid up in the hospital, dying. Bummer! Guess who is the most precious person in the world to her. Her little boy. Guess where he is. Not at her side, to comfort her, to bring her joy. He's out shopping, to buy his dying mother shoes. She might croak while he's trying to cut a deal on some stylish ruby red heels. His motivation for this madness is that his mother will soon meet Jesus (that's the nice part) and he thinks she would feel so proud if she had a beautiful pair of shoes for the occasion. I don't think you get to take your clothes with you and even if you did, I'm sure Jesus would not care if you came barefooted. I rather think He might like it, although I'm not really in a position to say. I can just picture her lying in that hospital bed with the gown that's stylishly open in the back and those pointy red shoes sticking up under the sheets! I also don't like Rocking Around the Christmas Tree, but who cares. Most everything else I like. Oh, I don't like the "A Christmas Story", the movie about the kid who wants a bb gun, gets his tongue stuck on the pole and his dad has a leg lamp. Sorry, I think it's in bad taste. Some of my best friends love it and I stil love them. If you happen to like this dumb movie, I still love you too! My favorite Christmas movie is of course, "It's a Wonderful life". It's one of the best of all time. Did you know Burt and Ernie of Sesame Street fame got their names from "It's a Wonderful Life"? Burt the cop and Ernie the taxi cab driver. True. This movie is full of value, humor and character. It's a great movie to watch if your depressed. Your Christmas gift to me this year can be to wacth this movie. No leg lamps for me, please.
Your great grandparents probably kept their money under the matress. Turns out, that's probably the safest place. Did Jimmi Hendrix say "'Scuse me while I Kiss the Sky" or "'Scuse Me While I Kiss This Guy"? I've always wondered. I did hear that at the end of one of his last concerts he said to the audience, :If anyone knows how to find true peace, please see me backstage". He was not much longer in this world. I don't know if he ever found the way. Btheway you find true peace by putting all of your trust in Jesus Christ and nothing else. That's it!
If you want to know what just happened, watch "Mr. Smith Goes to Washington", the orginal version with Jimmy Stewart. An honest man goes to Washington and witnesses first hand, the corruption of those he once admired. He carrys on a one man fillabuster, which by the way is not a cheese sandwich and thwarts the plans of the evil congress. By the time he finishes talking non-stop for 16 hours, he needs a couple of philly-busters and a big tall frog drownder. Okay, I like Jimmy Stewart.
I long for the day when the worst the songwriters could think of was counting flowers on the wall, that don't bother me at all, playing solitaire till dawn with a deck of 51, smoking cigarettes and watching Captin Kangaroo, now don't tell me, I've got nothing to do. Now see, all you bored retirees, there is something to do!
I have a new plan to deal with the high cost of living. I could move in at the office. Since my wife works there too, she could move in. They have showers, TV's and gobs of compiters. They're open 24/7. We could sell our house and get a minivan or two too keep some stuff in. Just for a few months, maybe a year. Of course there's always Wal-Mart. They have food and everything you need. I think they should build Wal-Mart condos. The condos could be on the second floor, with an indoor/outdoor pool and a small theater. If you need anything, just go downstairs and buy it. The city buses could pick you up at the door, or better yet, have an elevated rail pick you up on the second floor. If you come, they will build it!
I guess that's enough fiddle-faddle. Good night.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Back In The Saddle Agsin
Hi guys,
Yesterday I couldn't think of anything even dull to write. My head was on empty, like when the needle goes into the red and the little gas icon lights up and it starts dinging. Not chugging yet though. I'm not doing great in the shopping department lately. The Wal Mart cashier called me a hater for appearing not to like her singing. The Wendy's lady thought I looked 55. I bought unsliced ham. It had stripes on it, as though it were sliced. Sounds like a James Bond line, "I'll have mine gently smoked, striped, but not sliced:' Then I ran out of mayonnaise. I've run out of closets, pool halls and locker rooms, but never out of mayonnaise. How the elephant got into my pajamas, I'll never know! Sorry, wrong punch line. I got some mayonaise and when I removed the lid, there was no protective seal. Wild and Crazy Guy that I am, I ate some anyway. Afterall, there was no warning, advising not to consume products if the seal were broken or missing. Could I die? We'll see. When I put the lid back on it wouldn't tighten. If you keep turning it, it loosens it's grip.Are double its allowed? It's like a Hitchcock thriller! You know since Psycho was originally filmed in black and white, they used chocolate syrup instead of blood, in the shower scene, because it flows so well. Could you imagine Janet Leigh with chocolate syrup all over her! Make your own comments here. Besides that, when I was a kid, we didn't keep maynoaise in the fridgerator at all, and I lived! I used to make a ham sandwich everyday and put it in the glove box of my car, with the old metal dashboard. Then at lunch I would retrieve the sandwich and it would be hot! And I lived!. So, don't worry about me. Talk about globule warming, I had it in the sixties.
The Atlanta Zoo reply-all fiasco continues. Yesterday this lady replys to all, with a hint of frustration and anger in her message. She reply-alls, " WOULD EVERYONE PLEASE STOP ASKING ME FOR TICKETS TO ZOO ATLANTA. I AM NOT AFFILIATED WITH ZOO ATLANTA IN ANY WAY AND CAN NOT GET TICKETS FOR ANYONE!". It's cheap entertainment!
As previously stated, I do not understand the economy. Our nation seems to be in terrible debt. I suggest they write down everything they spend for a month and look it over to see what they can do without. I really think with all that's going on, they could shelf implementation of HDTV or whatever they call it. My tv is just fine. Except how about line item veto on the channels? The high muckety mucks have appointed a cabinet member whose first priority is to oversee implementation of Digital tv. I had a digital exam once and it reminds me of this. Could be the same deal! We seem to have had 700 billion dollars or was it trillion. Who cares anymore? When you get over a hundred thousand, you lost me. I guess we gave 350 billion to the banks to straighten out the mortgage mess. Now we have 350 billion left that nobody seems to know what to do with. Can't we just put it back? Or pay down the National Debt? Here's my favorite idea of all. Give it to Tom Cruise, so he'll never have to make another motion picture again. I can't believe he made all of the Mission Impossible characters turn into traitors and he alone was the good guy. How very Tom Cruiseish of him! That's like finding out June and Ward Cleaver were drug dealers and Beaver grew up to be Charlie Manson! Disgusting!! Or Adolph Hitler, disguised himself as Lawrence Welk and had a Saturday night hit musical variety show for 10 years running. It does seem like everyone on that show were Gentiles! If I keep making statements like that, i'll find out who's really reading! You'll never know if it was the Lawrence Welk comment or the mayonaise!
Guess I'm setting my self up for nightmares - hope you can sleep ok. Oh no, here comes Mean Mr. Mustard. Hope you hear from me tomorrow!
Yesterday I couldn't think of anything even dull to write. My head was on empty, like when the needle goes into the red and the little gas icon lights up and it starts dinging. Not chugging yet though. I'm not doing great in the shopping department lately. The Wal Mart cashier called me a hater for appearing not to like her singing. The Wendy's lady thought I looked 55. I bought unsliced ham. It had stripes on it, as though it were sliced. Sounds like a James Bond line, "I'll have mine gently smoked, striped, but not sliced:' Then I ran out of mayonnaise. I've run out of closets, pool halls and locker rooms, but never out of mayonnaise. How the elephant got into my pajamas, I'll never know! Sorry, wrong punch line. I got some mayonaise and when I removed the lid, there was no protective seal. Wild and Crazy Guy that I am, I ate some anyway. Afterall, there was no warning, advising not to consume products if the seal were broken or missing. Could I die? We'll see. When I put the lid back on it wouldn't tighten. If you keep turning it, it loosens it's grip.Are double its allowed? It's like a Hitchcock thriller! You know since Psycho was originally filmed in black and white, they used chocolate syrup instead of blood, in the shower scene, because it flows so well. Could you imagine Janet Leigh with chocolate syrup all over her! Make your own comments here. Besides that, when I was a kid, we didn't keep maynoaise in the fridgerator at all, and I lived! I used to make a ham sandwich everyday and put it in the glove box of my car, with the old metal dashboard. Then at lunch I would retrieve the sandwich and it would be hot! And I lived!. So, don't worry about me. Talk about globule warming, I had it in the sixties.
The Atlanta Zoo reply-all fiasco continues. Yesterday this lady replys to all, with a hint of frustration and anger in her message. She reply-alls, " WOULD EVERYONE PLEASE STOP ASKING ME FOR TICKETS TO ZOO ATLANTA. I AM NOT AFFILIATED WITH ZOO ATLANTA IN ANY WAY AND CAN NOT GET TICKETS FOR ANYONE!". It's cheap entertainment!
As previously stated, I do not understand the economy. Our nation seems to be in terrible debt. I suggest they write down everything they spend for a month and look it over to see what they can do without. I really think with all that's going on, they could shelf implementation of HDTV or whatever they call it. My tv is just fine. Except how about line item veto on the channels? The high muckety mucks have appointed a cabinet member whose first priority is to oversee implementation of Digital tv. I had a digital exam once and it reminds me of this. Could be the same deal! We seem to have had 700 billion dollars or was it trillion. Who cares anymore? When you get over a hundred thousand, you lost me. I guess we gave 350 billion to the banks to straighten out the mortgage mess. Now we have 350 billion left that nobody seems to know what to do with. Can't we just put it back? Or pay down the National Debt? Here's my favorite idea of all. Give it to Tom Cruise, so he'll never have to make another motion picture again. I can't believe he made all of the Mission Impossible characters turn into traitors and he alone was the good guy. How very Tom Cruiseish of him! That's like finding out June and Ward Cleaver were drug dealers and Beaver grew up to be Charlie Manson! Disgusting!! Or Adolph Hitler, disguised himself as Lawrence Welk and had a Saturday night hit musical variety show for 10 years running. It does seem like everyone on that show were Gentiles! If I keep making statements like that, i'll find out who's really reading! You'll never know if it was the Lawrence Welk comment or the mayonaise!
Guess I'm setting my self up for nightmares - hope you can sleep ok. Oh no, here comes Mean Mr. Mustard. Hope you hear from me tomorrow!
Monday, December 1, 2008
Landmark Day!
Hello friends!
I got tagged, for the first time, in real life, as a senior citizen! Sorry to burst your bubble. I know most you think I'm slowly approaching forty, but apparently to some people, I must look 55, which I happen to be. No shame in looking your age. I was at Wendys, ordering my Baconator (with small sides) and the lady rung me up as a senior citizen. I was delighted, when she had me look at the screen and I saw the 10 percent discount! Yippie. I wonder who else does that. By the way, the medium sides would be enough food and drink to get you across the Mohave Desert! Not the big one out west. I'm talking about the little one just south of Hahira. It's spelled the same but pronounced Mo-hayv Desert. You know at the office, they are still replying-all for Zoo Atlanta tickets. If you're lost on this, go back a few posts or just skip it. There was one that said "I want tickets". Then there was another admonishing EVERYONE to not reply-all this back with silly remarks, as some have, bc EVERYONE gets this. Read MANAGEMENT. Thanks for the extra 2017 emails in the system. Then another emails, I want tickets too. There will be a conservative in the White House b4 we get Zoo tickets again. AND, there is only 25 sets of them to begin with.
When I got the mail today, there was a card from my friends at the funeral home. I won't say which one bc they were really very nice when we needed them. I still can't say I love going there. What I received was an offer to pre-purchase a funeral package at about half the price of a regular funeral, including casket, vault, preparation all the bells and whistles, even destination charges, but no rebates. Personally, I'd like to see something in wicker! Or how about a swinging casket. You could sit with your loved one and drift and flow back and fourth and have pleasant memories. I dreamed that I was going to cremated and Pastor Butch was going to officiate. He laid me out on this big BBQ grill. I do love the grill. That's probably the way I want to go. I want to "Glow When I Go". I wonder if the funeral home marketing folks could use my services. The other thing that was cool about this limited offer (lifetime offer would sound crude), is there is no physical examination required. I'm not kidding! There are no disqualifying preconditions. You can die now and pay later. What a deal. I'm getting my friends this for Christmas! Starting with the older ones, of course. Even mail time can be fun!
Green Section: Oh, when I was a kid, the newspaper on Saturday, had a green sheet. This section of paper was actually green. You could pull it out and read the tv page, which consisted of programming for all three stations and the funny page and crossword puzzle.. The green thing I wanted to tell you about is pearls. No, not green pearls. My dad was telling me that they give oysters a disease that makes them form pearls a lot faster than normal. It's probably something like milk that calcifies the little buggers. If the green people find out they'll probably try to protect the poor oysters. Why can't they transplant pearlets into a larger animal like a rabbit or a carp and then give them steroids? I guess brighter minds than mine have already tried. The Indians had the right idea and just strung corn. The greenies probably find that offensive too.
Let's get off the serious stuff and move on to lighter prose. When radio talk show host Ludlow Porch, a great southern character, was asked what he would like to have played at his funeral, he thought for a moment and said :Volleyball would be nice". I hope they do that whenever his time comes. The other near end quote I love was from Bob Hope. When in his last days, his wife Delores asked him in which of the two prominent cemeterys he wanted to buried, he just smiled and said "Suprise me!".
sigining off..have a lovely evening! .
I got tagged, for the first time, in real life, as a senior citizen! Sorry to burst your bubble. I know most you think I'm slowly approaching forty, but apparently to some people, I must look 55, which I happen to be. No shame in looking your age. I was at Wendys, ordering my Baconator (with small sides) and the lady rung me up as a senior citizen. I was delighted, when she had me look at the screen and I saw the 10 percent discount! Yippie. I wonder who else does that. By the way, the medium sides would be enough food and drink to get you across the Mohave Desert! Not the big one out west. I'm talking about the little one just south of Hahira. It's spelled the same but pronounced Mo-hayv Desert. You know at the office, they are still replying-all for Zoo Atlanta tickets. If you're lost on this, go back a few posts or just skip it. There was one that said "I want tickets". Then there was another admonishing EVERYONE to not reply-all this back with silly remarks, as some have, bc EVERYONE gets this. Read MANAGEMENT. Thanks for the extra 2017 emails in the system. Then another emails, I want tickets too. There will be a conservative in the White House b4 we get Zoo tickets again. AND, there is only 25 sets of them to begin with.
When I got the mail today, there was a card from my friends at the funeral home. I won't say which one bc they were really very nice when we needed them. I still can't say I love going there. What I received was an offer to pre-purchase a funeral package at about half the price of a regular funeral, including casket, vault, preparation all the bells and whistles, even destination charges, but no rebates. Personally, I'd like to see something in wicker! Or how about a swinging casket. You could sit with your loved one and drift and flow back and fourth and have pleasant memories. I dreamed that I was going to cremated and Pastor Butch was going to officiate. He laid me out on this big BBQ grill. I do love the grill. That's probably the way I want to go. I want to "Glow When I Go". I wonder if the funeral home marketing folks could use my services. The other thing that was cool about this limited offer (lifetime offer would sound crude), is there is no physical examination required. I'm not kidding! There are no disqualifying preconditions. You can die now and pay later. What a deal. I'm getting my friends this for Christmas! Starting with the older ones, of course. Even mail time can be fun!
Green Section: Oh, when I was a kid, the newspaper on Saturday, had a green sheet. This section of paper was actually green. You could pull it out and read the tv page, which consisted of programming for all three stations and the funny page and crossword puzzle.. The green thing I wanted to tell you about is pearls. No, not green pearls. My dad was telling me that they give oysters a disease that makes them form pearls a lot faster than normal. It's probably something like milk that calcifies the little buggers. If the green people find out they'll probably try to protect the poor oysters. Why can't they transplant pearlets into a larger animal like a rabbit or a carp and then give them steroids? I guess brighter minds than mine have already tried. The Indians had the right idea and just strung corn. The greenies probably find that offensive too.
Let's get off the serious stuff and move on to lighter prose. When radio talk show host Ludlow Porch, a great southern character, was asked what he would like to have played at his funeral, he thought for a moment and said :Volleyball would be nice". I hope they do that whenever his time comes. The other near end quote I love was from Bob Hope. When in his last days, his wife Delores asked him in which of the two prominent cemeterys he wanted to buried, he just smiled and said "Suprise me!".
sigining off..have a lovely evening! .
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Sunday, Sunday!
I love Sundays! I get to go to church and worship God with lots of close friends and people I don't even know. I would love to sit next to God on a Sunday morning. We would start with listening to the first service of the day, starting in Hawaii and progressing around the world until we get to New Zealand 24 hours later and approach the international date line. I know some people who think the international date line is serious competition for E-Harmony. I'm a little upset about E-Harmony, but we won't go there. Really! It would be great to sit with God in Heaven on Sunday morning and hear all of the praises and singing in thousands and thousands of churches around the world. It would seem sad for it to end on Monday. In case you care to get into the difficult questions of theology, like where did the world begin? Here's the answer to that one. The world began at the international date line. It goes all the around and comes back to begin again. It's been doing that for thousands of years. That's why God made the world round. If it were linear, it would just get to the end and stop!.
While we're solving difficult problems, here's a two for one. Some towns seem to get flooded about every third year. Others are following the same pattern only with droughts. Why don't we build a pipeline connecting these cities. We could maintain the flow of rivers to keep hydro plants producing and even put turbines inside the pipes to produce electricity along the way. And keep rafters happy and provide plenty of drinking water for everybody. And keep those poor towns from flooding. I need a mirror to look at because I'm not sure if I'm kidding or not! I actually think this could work. Use disaster releif funds to cover construction. Let's get proactive.
Resturant Report: I sincerely hope there were no rats in the kitchen. We went to Chillis. We first ordered water w/lemon. This took a while to get. I guess bc of the lemons. Well, I was unusually hungry and we had to wait a longer while to order. But it wasn't so bad bc once while we were waiting the waitress stopped by to say, "Are you're still okay?" Oh yes, we have our water here and we're fine. The food was really good, when it came. Hey, why do we call her the waitress, when we are the ones waiting?
At wal mart, the check out girl, or should I say, transaction agent, was singing, badly. Then she refused to wait on me bc I didn't like her singing. I told her I never said that, but she claimed my body language said it all. I said that's why I've been getting dirty looks all over the store. There were some pretty weird people in there and I guess I told them exactly what I thought, with my body! Now I'm afraid to go anywhere. I'll have to practice my blank face. Or I could put on headphones and just act stupid and hope they think I'm responding to the music. Could I listen to the Carpenters and just pretend it's Jethro Tull? Oh, Aqualung!!
Well my mind is shutting down so it's time to close. Tomorrow is Monday and we're back to work. My future as a economist and world problem solver is in jeopardy as is my prospects as spelling champion. This thing doesn't seem to have spell check, although you should never completely rely on spellcheck anyway, at all. At the office, once an email went out to the entire center, advising that the supervisor line would be closed for the next 3 hours due to a meeting of supervisors. We apologize for the incontenance.
I'm ducking out the back way while you're still laughing:) bye bye
.
While we're solving difficult problems, here's a two for one. Some towns seem to get flooded about every third year. Others are following the same pattern only with droughts. Why don't we build a pipeline connecting these cities. We could maintain the flow of rivers to keep hydro plants producing and even put turbines inside the pipes to produce electricity along the way. And keep rafters happy and provide plenty of drinking water for everybody. And keep those poor towns from flooding. I need a mirror to look at because I'm not sure if I'm kidding or not! I actually think this could work. Use disaster releif funds to cover construction. Let's get proactive.
Resturant Report: I sincerely hope there were no rats in the kitchen. We went to Chillis. We first ordered water w/lemon. This took a while to get. I guess bc of the lemons. Well, I was unusually hungry and we had to wait a longer while to order. But it wasn't so bad bc once while we were waiting the waitress stopped by to say, "Are you're still okay?" Oh yes, we have our water here and we're fine. The food was really good, when it came. Hey, why do we call her the waitress, when we are the ones waiting?
At wal mart, the check out girl, or should I say, transaction agent, was singing, badly. Then she refused to wait on me bc I didn't like her singing. I told her I never said that, but she claimed my body language said it all. I said that's why I've been getting dirty looks all over the store. There were some pretty weird people in there and I guess I told them exactly what I thought, with my body! Now I'm afraid to go anywhere. I'll have to practice my blank face. Or I could put on headphones and just act stupid and hope they think I'm responding to the music. Could I listen to the Carpenters and just pretend it's Jethro Tull? Oh, Aqualung!!
Well my mind is shutting down so it's time to close. Tomorrow is Monday and we're back to work. My future as a economist and world problem solver is in jeopardy as is my prospects as spelling champion. This thing doesn't seem to have spell check, although you should never completely rely on spellcheck anyway, at all. At the office, once an email went out to the entire center, advising that the supervisor line would be closed for the next 3 hours due to a meeting of supervisors. We apologize for the incontenance.
I'm ducking out the back way while you're still laughing:) bye bye
.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Rainey Saturday
Hi Y'all,
I feel your presence! Or was that just one too many deviled eggs. Even though it's raining, it's been a rather productive day. I got my shower and shave. Didn't even get to that yesterday. We went to Golden Coral for breakfast with my dad, Walter, my wife, Cheryl and son Aaron. There's a reason they call that place Golden Coral. Don't know about the Golden part, but a Coral is where you keep horses or cows. Now which animal do we resemble the most when we're eating at Golden Coral? It's not a bird or a squirrel! I ate like a cow, trying to swallow a horse.
Hey, how come when you want to wash dishes in the sink the drain lets all of the water go, but when you just try to rinse the dishes b4 loading them in the dishwasher, it always stops up. The main reason for this line is so you know that I wash dishes.
Okay, I don't know much about business, taxes, bailouts or economics, but here are my thoughts, from a layman's POV. That;s point of view, right. Sorry, I'm haven't gaged my readership on savvyiness yet. I think one is up to date, but the other may be in the cereal box stage, not that those aren't entertaining and informative. If you want to be an astronaut, you should start there. On the Automobile industry. When I was a kid, my biggest excitement next to Christmas, was to ride by the Chevrolet plant in September. Because that's when the new models came out. But at first, it was highly secretive. When you are talking about a hidden fact, is it spelled the same as when you have a leaking gland? Spell check does not advise. They would put up canvas all along the tall chain link fence so you couldn't see the new models. Now all you had to do was drive around the corner and you could see some of the new models the execs were driving. I liked cars so much that I used to sit at the top of the long steps high above the busy street, Capital Ave, where we lived, and count the cars going north and south, by color. That's how I became an expert on cars, or at least what they look like. A person like me knows that GM has a division for Chevrolet, Pontiac, Buick, Cadilac, Saturn, GMC trucks and what else, Hummer. Now they got rid of Oldsmobile a few years ago. The GMC and Cherolet trucks are identical. I don't know what they call all of the models now, but back in the day they had a Chevy Nova, Buick Apollo, Olds Omega and a Pontiac Ventura and they were all the same car, just a little different bumpers and tail lights. Same with a lot of their other models. LET'S CUT OUT THE FAT. They need one truck division, which could also make all of the SUV's, one low/middle end car maker and one high end car maker. That's three divisions instead of seven. The leftover employees could work at Wal Mart bc they never have enough people to man the registers. The other plan I would implement is production of six wheel component cars. The cars would come apart for versatility. The basic car would be a two seater comuter. You could add on a back seat and a trunk, or a truck bed. You could save on gas and if you wrecked the front of the car, you wouldn't have to replace the whole thing.
Entertainemt section: Last night I fell asleep during something on tv. When I awoke, I was watching a movie about a rat who was a chef in an upscale resturant. I didn't care for it, but let it run it's course. I didn't like any of the characters to begin with, which is a must. If I can't put myself in the place of one of the characters, I don't enjoy it. I didn't want to be the rat, or the snobby resturant critic or the goofy waiter. Besides, I think it was all about diversity. Everyone was supposed to accept the rat as a food handler. The rat licked the spoons and ran around bare footed on the the plates, after living in the sewer. There you have it. I am neither perfect or with-it. I believe in the value of the individual. The individual gets credit or debit based on his own merit or lack of. He should not be pushed forward or held back bc of his origin. Samewise, the regular person should also have the right to stand on his own merit and be weighed against the merits of others, without the burden of having to overcome his majority race. WOW, I had some serious thoughts there! SOMEBODY SLAP ME! Now please don't slap me next time you see me. I'll be over it by then.
The little scroller system over there on the right keeps getting closer to the bottom, but I can't quite seem to get it all of the way down. Some day I will. One thing I'v learned. There is humor in everything. Unfortunately, I seem to find humor at some of the worst times. I just have to suppress it and save it for later. Bob (What About Bob?) said there are two kinds of people. Those who like Neil Diamond and those who don't. I disagree. Here's why.
1. I've noticed there are male and female.
2. some paint behind the toilet, some don't.
3. some like cheese on everything-some don't
4. some are peaceful-some are contrary
5. some are conservative-some have their head in the sand.
6. some who eat at Golden Coral and could hide behind a flagpole -others could not hide behind the whole flag
7. some have hair- others have halos
8, There are those who know God- and others who don't even know themselves.
I hope I see some of you in church tomorrow. If not, I hope someone sees you in church tomorrow.
I think nap time is calling. Be nice to sombody and have funny thoughts-they're free! :)
I feel your presence! Or was that just one too many deviled eggs. Even though it's raining, it's been a rather productive day. I got my shower and shave. Didn't even get to that yesterday. We went to Golden Coral for breakfast with my dad, Walter, my wife, Cheryl and son Aaron. There's a reason they call that place Golden Coral. Don't know about the Golden part, but a Coral is where you keep horses or cows. Now which animal do we resemble the most when we're eating at Golden Coral? It's not a bird or a squirrel! I ate like a cow, trying to swallow a horse.
Hey, how come when you want to wash dishes in the sink the drain lets all of the water go, but when you just try to rinse the dishes b4 loading them in the dishwasher, it always stops up. The main reason for this line is so you know that I wash dishes.
Okay, I don't know much about business, taxes, bailouts or economics, but here are my thoughts, from a layman's POV. That;s point of view, right. Sorry, I'm haven't gaged my readership on savvyiness yet. I think one is up to date, but the other may be in the cereal box stage, not that those aren't entertaining and informative. If you want to be an astronaut, you should start there. On the Automobile industry. When I was a kid, my biggest excitement next to Christmas, was to ride by the Chevrolet plant in September. Because that's when the new models came out. But at first, it was highly secretive. When you are talking about a hidden fact, is it spelled the same as when you have a leaking gland? Spell check does not advise. They would put up canvas all along the tall chain link fence so you couldn't see the new models. Now all you had to do was drive around the corner and you could see some of the new models the execs were driving. I liked cars so much that I used to sit at the top of the long steps high above the busy street, Capital Ave, where we lived, and count the cars going north and south, by color. That's how I became an expert on cars, or at least what they look like. A person like me knows that GM has a division for Chevrolet, Pontiac, Buick, Cadilac, Saturn, GMC trucks and what else, Hummer. Now they got rid of Oldsmobile a few years ago. The GMC and Cherolet trucks are identical. I don't know what they call all of the models now, but back in the day they had a Chevy Nova, Buick Apollo, Olds Omega and a Pontiac Ventura and they were all the same car, just a little different bumpers and tail lights. Same with a lot of their other models. LET'S CUT OUT THE FAT. They need one truck division, which could also make all of the SUV's, one low/middle end car maker and one high end car maker. That's three divisions instead of seven. The leftover employees could work at Wal Mart bc they never have enough people to man the registers. The other plan I would implement is production of six wheel component cars. The cars would come apart for versatility. The basic car would be a two seater comuter. You could add on a back seat and a trunk, or a truck bed. You could save on gas and if you wrecked the front of the car, you wouldn't have to replace the whole thing.
Entertainemt section: Last night I fell asleep during something on tv. When I awoke, I was watching a movie about a rat who was a chef in an upscale resturant. I didn't care for it, but let it run it's course. I didn't like any of the characters to begin with, which is a must. If I can't put myself in the place of one of the characters, I don't enjoy it. I didn't want to be the rat, or the snobby resturant critic or the goofy waiter. Besides, I think it was all about diversity. Everyone was supposed to accept the rat as a food handler. The rat licked the spoons and ran around bare footed on the the plates, after living in the sewer. There you have it. I am neither perfect or with-it. I believe in the value of the individual. The individual gets credit or debit based on his own merit or lack of. He should not be pushed forward or held back bc of his origin. Samewise, the regular person should also have the right to stand on his own merit and be weighed against the merits of others, without the burden of having to overcome his majority race. WOW, I had some serious thoughts there! SOMEBODY SLAP ME! Now please don't slap me next time you see me. I'll be over it by then.
The little scroller system over there on the right keeps getting closer to the bottom, but I can't quite seem to get it all of the way down. Some day I will. One thing I'v learned. There is humor in everything. Unfortunately, I seem to find humor at some of the worst times. I just have to suppress it and save it for later. Bob (What About Bob?) said there are two kinds of people. Those who like Neil Diamond and those who don't. I disagree. Here's why.
1. I've noticed there are male and female.
2. some paint behind the toilet, some don't.
3. some like cheese on everything-some don't
4. some are peaceful-some are contrary
5. some are conservative-some have their head in the sand.
6. some who eat at Golden Coral and could hide behind a flagpole -others could not hide behind the whole flag
7. some have hair- others have halos
8, There are those who know God- and others who don't even know themselves.
I hope I see some of you in church tomorrow. If not, I hope someone sees you in church tomorrow.
I think nap time is calling. Be nice to sombody and have funny thoughts-they're free! :)
Friday, November 28, 2008
post Thanksgiving Day!
Hi everyone!
I had a great Thanksgiving Day! I hope y'all did too! I was 14 before I knew that y'all wasn't spelled y a w. Yesterday had all of the ingredients of a great Thanksgiving Day, loving family, great food, baby Raegan, new grandpuppy, beautiful weather and fun games. It was a great day! My wonderful wife, Cheryl made, or cooked the Turkey. Now, I'll spare you the usual Turkey jokes, but if we were having pork, nobody would put anything up it's kazooer. Who started that?? Cheryl had a wonderful idea. She decided to cook turkey breast instead of the whole turkey. I love it! You get the best part of the turkey and you don't have to deal with the carcass. It just looks like a dead animal left over in the fridge. One year we let our dog, Callie, outside and she came back with a carcass. She ran behind the couch with it b4 we could stop her. Yuck! Well. Cheryl cooked that bird breast and then asked me to carve it, Somehow I thought there would be two of them. Then I got concerned about the origins of this bird. It's the same as a regular turkey, but no wings, no legs, no thighs. This may have been a fedective bird, excuse me, defective bird! A paraplegic plumper. A bucolic butterball. We ate it and it was delicious, as was the stuffless ham that Jacob brought. The ham was headless. You know that's why I like to order steak at a restaurant. When you order it at the barber shop, they just look at you strange. I like to order steak bc you almost never get the head. With fish you can't be sure. Especially if they bring out the dish with one of those covers on it. It's like closed casket. Bytheway, you know caskets, some of them, have little drawers in them - with locks. Now who's gonna break in there? And what do you put in there? A candy bar? A book, in case you get bored? Next thing they add, will be optional cupholders. Also, there's no light.
We were watching The Newhart Show marathon last night. It's a funny show, but there was nothing else on. On Thanksgiving night, they were showing Godfather III, Rocky I and II, and a couple James Bond movies. Were those network nuts all on triptophan?! Dawgonit! What happeded to It's a Wonderful Life and Miracle on 42nd Street or The Bishops' wife? I've got 105 channels and none of them ever show Topper. I'd trade my 8 spanish chanels, 11 sports chanels, including golf and spanish horse hockey, 7 shoping chanels, 5 sleazy preacher chanels and all of the news chanels except Fox for one Turner Moovie Classics chanel. Anybody from Charter monitoring this site???.
I'm going to end this on a good note! I had a delicious ham sandwich and marvelous deviled eggs for supper last night and will likely do the same for breakfast.
I guess that's all.
Happy day after. Maybe I'll have a chocolate burito for desert!.
I had a great Thanksgiving Day! I hope y'all did too! I was 14 before I knew that y'all wasn't spelled y a w. Yesterday had all of the ingredients of a great Thanksgiving Day, loving family, great food, baby Raegan, new grandpuppy, beautiful weather and fun games. It was a great day! My wonderful wife, Cheryl made, or cooked the Turkey. Now, I'll spare you the usual Turkey jokes, but if we were having pork, nobody would put anything up it's kazooer. Who started that?? Cheryl had a wonderful idea. She decided to cook turkey breast instead of the whole turkey. I love it! You get the best part of the turkey and you don't have to deal with the carcass. It just looks like a dead animal left over in the fridge. One year we let our dog, Callie, outside and she came back with a carcass. She ran behind the couch with it b4 we could stop her. Yuck! Well. Cheryl cooked that bird breast and then asked me to carve it, Somehow I thought there would be two of them. Then I got concerned about the origins of this bird. It's the same as a regular turkey, but no wings, no legs, no thighs. This may have been a fedective bird, excuse me, defective bird! A paraplegic plumper. A bucolic butterball. We ate it and it was delicious, as was the stuffless ham that Jacob brought. The ham was headless. You know that's why I like to order steak at a restaurant. When you order it at the barber shop, they just look at you strange. I like to order steak bc you almost never get the head. With fish you can't be sure. Especially if they bring out the dish with one of those covers on it. It's like closed casket. Bytheway, you know caskets, some of them, have little drawers in them - with locks. Now who's gonna break in there? And what do you put in there? A candy bar? A book, in case you get bored? Next thing they add, will be optional cupholders. Also, there's no light.
We were watching The Newhart Show marathon last night. It's a funny show, but there was nothing else on. On Thanksgiving night, they were showing Godfather III, Rocky I and II, and a couple James Bond movies. Were those network nuts all on triptophan?! Dawgonit! What happeded to It's a Wonderful Life and Miracle on 42nd Street or The Bishops' wife? I've got 105 channels and none of them ever show Topper. I'd trade my 8 spanish chanels, 11 sports chanels, including golf and spanish horse hockey, 7 shoping chanels, 5 sleazy preacher chanels and all of the news chanels except Fox for one Turner Moovie Classics chanel. Anybody from Charter monitoring this site???.
I'm going to end this on a good note! I had a delicious ham sandwich and marvelous deviled eggs for supper last night and will likely do the same for breakfast.
I guess that's all.
Happy day after. Maybe I'll have a chocolate burito for desert!.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Salmon!
Hello you,
assuming there might be a "you" by now. I cooked salmon patties last night. For you northerners, that's pronounced sam'on. Rhymes with famine. Please learn to spell early on, 'cause it won't make any better sense later anyway. I only left out one thing, the bread. It was still pretty good. Nothing real interesting happened today so this could be short. Mind you when someone says "long story short", might as well get the coke and popcorn cause it's gonna be a long time till intermission..
You know it's time to lose weight when;
....you have to buy blue jeans an inch too long bc size 40 don't come that short.
....when your scrubs are tight..(stole that one)
...whn you buy an economy car (gas sipper) and have to run along outside.
...when your memory foam mattress forgets to decompress.
...when the automatic faucet on both sides of you come on in the restroom.
I'll let you off easy tonite. After all it's Thanksgiving and I've got lots of things to do. I haven't eaten yet. It does bother me when people say happy holiday. At work, we had a fall feast. Might as well call it Stuffagut Day. Valentines Day will always be Valentines Day and Labor Day will never change, but if it's a Christian holiday, let's just forget why we ever established it to begin with and call it something else. Next time somebody says happy holiday, I'm going to say "Nuts to you!"
Why don't you do the same? Good night.
assuming there might be a "you" by now. I cooked salmon patties last night. For you northerners, that's pronounced sam'on. Rhymes with famine. Please learn to spell early on, 'cause it won't make any better sense later anyway. I only left out one thing, the bread. It was still pretty good. Nothing real interesting happened today so this could be short. Mind you when someone says "long story short", might as well get the coke and popcorn cause it's gonna be a long time till intermission..
You know it's time to lose weight when;
....you have to buy blue jeans an inch too long bc size 40 don't come that short.
....when your scrubs are tight..(stole that one)
...whn you buy an economy car (gas sipper) and have to run along outside.
...when your memory foam mattress forgets to decompress.
...when the automatic faucet on both sides of you come on in the restroom.
I'll let you off easy tonite. After all it's Thanksgiving and I've got lots of things to do. I haven't eaten yet. It does bother me when people say happy holiday. At work, we had a fall feast. Might as well call it Stuffagut Day. Valentines Day will always be Valentines Day and Labor Day will never change, but if it's a Christian holiday, let's just forget why we ever established it to begin with and call it something else. Next time somebody says happy holiday, I'm going to say "Nuts to you!"
Why don't you do the same? Good night.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Third Day
Howdy Neighbors!
Well thunder! I've been on the job three days, and already I'm printing retractions, just like the big boys! Yesterday, I advised you to google "It Ain't Necessarily So". Well, turned out to be bad advice. I bow my head and admit I did not check my source. I remembered the song, I thought, from one of my mothers old 78's when I was a small human. It actually came from "Porgy and Bess". If you're still bumfuzzeled, go ask your mother. Or google it. Bless you, all mothers. You have been replaced with something called google. Not Barney Google, just google. "Porgy and Bess" starred Sidney Pointer, a talented actor who also starred in "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner". Sidney Pointer has a fine singing voice. I always wondered why he didn't sing with the Pointer Sisters. He could be the Pointer Sisters' Brother. Oh well, there's still time. If you actually pay attention to this stuff you will be able to amaze and stupefy your friends. Anyway, I googled it and found it was a comical song which listed some amazing bible scenes and went on to say "It Ain't Necessarily So". My apologies to the composer, Sam Gershwin, if you're living, and reading my blog, but if it's in the bible, it is absolutely so!
So there, in my second post I have inadvertently managed to step over racial and religious lines. I had not intended this, at least not so soon!
My sweetheart sent me some beautiful pictures in an email today. Oh, yesterday we talked, or I wrote about mashing things in the south. I was in Kohl's and the lady told me to mash credit on the little machine. Ha ha! That ha, ha means laughing, not like actually saying ha-ha. The pictures, I'm convinced are more beautiful than the actual places, although now I wish I could go to the actual places. In my convertible! When I got off work, I let the top down. I am a WILD and Crazy Guy. Do you know that the streets are 95% shaded between my office (cube) and my house? I keep forgetting that!
You want to do something nice for yourself? Watch the movie, "Harvey" with Jimmy Stewart. I don't mean sit down with Jimmy Stewart and watch the movie.. I mean he stars in the movie. Turn the lights off, get comfortable and really watch it. It's on my top 25 list of all time!
Now get some sleep!
Well thunder! I've been on the job three days, and already I'm printing retractions, just like the big boys! Yesterday, I advised you to google "It Ain't Necessarily So". Well, turned out to be bad advice. I bow my head and admit I did not check my source. I remembered the song, I thought, from one of my mothers old 78's when I was a small human. It actually came from "Porgy and Bess". If you're still bumfuzzeled, go ask your mother. Or google it. Bless you, all mothers. You have been replaced with something called google. Not Barney Google, just google. "Porgy and Bess" starred Sidney Pointer, a talented actor who also starred in "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner". Sidney Pointer has a fine singing voice. I always wondered why he didn't sing with the Pointer Sisters. He could be the Pointer Sisters' Brother. Oh well, there's still time. If you actually pay attention to this stuff you will be able to amaze and stupefy your friends. Anyway, I googled it and found it was a comical song which listed some amazing bible scenes and went on to say "It Ain't Necessarily So". My apologies to the composer, Sam Gershwin, if you're living, and reading my blog, but if it's in the bible, it is absolutely so!
So there, in my second post I have inadvertently managed to step over racial and religious lines. I had not intended this, at least not so soon!
My sweetheart sent me some beautiful pictures in an email today. Oh, yesterday we talked, or I wrote about mashing things in the south. I was in Kohl's and the lady told me to mash credit on the little machine. Ha ha! That ha, ha means laughing, not like actually saying ha-ha. The pictures, I'm convinced are more beautiful than the actual places, although now I wish I could go to the actual places. In my convertible! When I got off work, I let the top down. I am a WILD and Crazy Guy. Do you know that the streets are 95% shaded between my office (cube) and my house? I keep forgetting that!
You want to do something nice for yourself? Watch the movie, "Harvey" with Jimmy Stewart. I don't mean sit down with Jimmy Stewart and watch the movie.. I mean he stars in the movie. Turn the lights off, get comfortable and really watch it. It's on my top 25 list of all time!
Now get some sleep!
Monday, November 24, 2008
Things that annoyed me today!
Hello friends,
I'm getting off to a wonderful start. Perhaps I should say something clever, provocative or funny to make you like me, but it's not here today. Instead you're getting my list of things that annoyed me today.
1. people who hit reply-all instead of reply. Actually that one didn't bother me. It was knid of funny! At work, an official group email was sent to probably 2 or 3000 employees to offer a chance at free Zoo Atl tickets. A bunch of people, not oui, hit reply-all. Down south I guess we mashed the reply-all button, creating thousands of needless emails. I find it needless to mash out unnecessary, when the word itself is unnessessary. Needless has 6 letters and unnessessary has 11. It takes up 50% more space, time and ink if you were printing it. I'm betting you're not though. When I run for office, that's only after I write my novel and can afford to quit work, I will abolish the word unnessessary, making it unlegal. Why do some words have an "il" and others have "un" in front of them in order to oppositize them? I'll work on that too. I might allow unesesary. And if you're singing the old, old song : It Ain't Necessessarily So", I guess it would be ok. If you don't know that one, you should google it for this week's music appreciation. Back to annoyance number one. Next thing that happened, a bunch of appalled more technically savvy employees, mashed reply-all to let all of the other hicks know that they should not have mashed reply-all. That's about 23,000 more emails in the system. By the way, if you don't know what to call something, just call it a system. I ate too many apples and now my system is messed up. Or the mechanic said my system needed cleaning. $400.
2. a phone call at 2 minutes from logging out (quittin) time from a customer who was appalled at having to spend 30 minutes with a supervisor and stil not getting his way. So he proceeded to spend 20 minutes with me and lost even more ground.
3. head cold
4. The only Andy Griffin episodes on tv were about Howard, Emmett and Sam. What happened to Barney, Otis and Floyd. Barney left the show around 1965 and I guess things just went down hill from there.
I guess that's not too much to be annoyed about. I hope your day was no more annoyed than that.
Y'all get a good nights sleep!
I'm getting off to a wonderful start. Perhaps I should say something clever, provocative or funny to make you like me, but it's not here today. Instead you're getting my list of things that annoyed me today.
1. people who hit reply-all instead of reply. Actually that one didn't bother me. It was knid of funny! At work, an official group email was sent to probably 2 or 3000 employees to offer a chance at free Zoo Atl tickets. A bunch of people, not oui, hit reply-all. Down south I guess we mashed the reply-all button, creating thousands of needless emails. I find it needless to mash out unnecessary, when the word itself is unnessessary. Needless has 6 letters and unnessessary has 11. It takes up 50% more space, time and ink if you were printing it. I'm betting you're not though. When I run for office, that's only after I write my novel and can afford to quit work, I will abolish the word unnessessary, making it unlegal. Why do some words have an "il" and others have "un" in front of them in order to oppositize them? I'll work on that too. I might allow unesesary. And if you're singing the old, old song : It Ain't Necessessarily So", I guess it would be ok. If you don't know that one, you should google it for this week's music appreciation. Back to annoyance number one. Next thing that happened, a bunch of appalled more technically savvy employees, mashed reply-all to let all of the other hicks know that they should not have mashed reply-all. That's about 23,000 more emails in the system. By the way, if you don't know what to call something, just call it a system. I ate too many apples and now my system is messed up. Or the mechanic said my system needed cleaning. $400.
2. a phone call at 2 minutes from logging out (quittin) time from a customer who was appalled at having to spend 30 minutes with a supervisor and stil not getting his way. So he proceeded to spend 20 minutes with me and lost even more ground.
3. head cold
4. The only Andy Griffin episodes on tv were about Howard, Emmett and Sam. What happened to Barney, Otis and Floyd. Barney left the show around 1965 and I guess things just went down hill from there.
I guess that's not too much to be annoyed about. I hope your day was no more annoyed than that.
Y'all get a good nights sleep!
Sunday, November 23, 2008
First Blog
Dear Readers
Hi, This is my first blog. I suspect (hope) no one will read it, since it is about nothing. I just want too see what it looks like. I don't feel particularly inspired to write anything important or entertaining at the moment. I hope to do so someday.
I have read many things that brought me no entertainment, enlightenment or revelation. That seems both redundant and repetitive to me. I figured, there might be room for one more. I hope not to add to the list. I assure you that most of my writing will be a compilation, however twisted a compilation, of things I have seen, read, heard and experienced. How dull! Now and then I do have an original idea and will try to capture it.
If you stumble upon this, my dear readers, I apologize. It's just practice, like when a medical student works on a cadaver. It was doomed from the start.
Oh, just call me Eyore!
,
Hi, This is my first blog. I suspect (hope) no one will read it, since it is about nothing. I just want too see what it looks like. I don't feel particularly inspired to write anything important or entertaining at the moment. I hope to do so someday.
I have read many things that brought me no entertainment, enlightenment or revelation. That seems both redundant and repetitive to me. I figured, there might be room for one more. I hope not to add to the list. I assure you that most of my writing will be a compilation, however twisted a compilation, of things I have seen, read, heard and experienced. How dull! Now and then I do have an original idea and will try to capture it.
If you stumble upon this, my dear readers, I apologize. It's just practice, like when a medical student works on a cadaver. It was doomed from the start.
Oh, just call me Eyore!
,
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