How shall I write about the town I grew up in and my childhood? Shall I dramatize, shall I glamorize or supersize? I think I'll just be plain and simple, because those are the only two ways I know how to write. I'm not a historian, well it would take the whole internet to tell of the things I'm not. You'll figure that out anyway. I grew up starting at zero up until almost nine years old on Capital Ave in Atlanta, just a stone's throw from Turner Field. I know this because in the early sixties a lot of stones were thrown down there. Let's say we moved out from there in August of 1962, because we did! We moved from that confined, protective environment to the freedom and safety of Forest Park Georgia. You see, in my old neighborhood, I had to stay in my own yard and at night we locked down and laid low. We moved to a brand new neighborhood, Ridgewood Subdivision. I'd never before heard of a subdivision and now I was living in one. We moved from a big 2-story asbestos siding house to a 1000 square foot brick ranch, number 5036 out of 9007 such houses built in the 50's and 60's in Forest Park. There were no rich houses and poor houses in Forest Park, just 1000 square foot brick ranches. They started building these houses at the end of World WarII for all of the soldiers coming home and implementing the baby boom. The playing field was totally level. Of course if your dad worked for the Ford or Chevrolet plant or Delta or Eastern (the airlines part is assumed) then you had a slightly favorable status, but still lived in the 1000 square foot brick house. The houses on our street came in only two plans, carport on the left, or mirror image carport on the right. Everyone was new in our neighborhood so we went around excitedly inquiring whether each new family had any kids, especially boys. One new family had five kids, four of them boys. Yes! They were the basis of all sports in our neighborhood. All of the boys played in the street. For baseball, the water meters were first and third base and the manhole cover in the middle of the street was second base. We used a piece of granite to draw home plate. For football, the curbs were the side boundary and the telephone poles were the two goals. Basketball was played in the back yards. We played spud in the street, with a basketball. Everyone formed a circle in the middle of the street and someone bounced the basketball as hard as he could and called out someone's name and everyone else ran while that person got the ball and hollered freeze. Then everyone had to stop. He would then roll or throw the ball at someone. If it hit them or they caught it they had to holler freeze etc. If they missed, they were awarded a spud. Three spuds and you had to lean over and put your hands against the telephone poll, while everyone else stood behind a line and threw the basketball at your business end as hard as they could. We all went to J E Edmunds Elementary School on Simpson Rd. You could get there by cutting across someones yard to the dirt road, Elam Church Rd or you could walk up to Watts Rd and catch the nearly new, Chevrolet bus, number 56. Elam Church Rd was called that because around the corner on Watts Rd there was an old one room church, Elam Church. It was full of leaves, newspapers and liquor bottles and had a pot belly stove. We had great plans to camp out in there, but like many others, were never carried out. That would have been great!. Needless to say they had not held forth that church in a while. There was also Elam Cemetery on Elam Church Rd. Rarely someone new would be buried there, but many graves were simply marked with a big rock or stone at each end. Some had a slab of concrete for the sides and top and stood about 18 inches tall. There would be small trees growing out of them, so we tried to peek in. You could always go there at night and toss rocks into the air to make the bats dive. You could do the same under the street lights, but the graveyard was more cool. On Saturdays, you could ride your bike to Clayton Plaza and later to Grant City South. I always checked out the model cars at Jacob's Drug Store, Woolworths and Grants. I'd go in Buddy's Sporting goods and look at the baseball equipment and then Western Auto to see the radios and electric guitars. Once in a blue moon I'd go on a bike trip and ride until I got lost and then find my way back. We also liked to visit the creek that ran thru the Army Depot. We picked it up behind the property which was also behind a newer subdivision. The creek had these huge slippery rocks to walk over (part of Stone Mountain) and it had suds in it that gave it a chemical or detergent smell. We thought the new houses were letting their washing machines drain into the creek. I read many years later, that the Army Depot had been cited for dumping chemicals into that creek. I lost my hair because of it. It also kept me from making good grades in school or meeting girls. It's my all purpose excuse for everything that went wrong. Once we saw the hood of a 1954 Ford lodged into the creekbed. I convinced my buddy that the whole car was under there. Who knows, he might have been right.
We also liked to make secret formulas using bleach, gasoline, gourd innards and anything from the garden, basement or utility room we could find. It's a wonder we didn't kill ourselves or blow up something. We built several huts during our childhoods. One was an underground hut. We built (dug) it the backyard that adjoined the cemetery. It looked like another grave being dug. His mother made us undig it. The last one we built was just to sleep in. It was low to the ground, made of small tree limbs and had a fireplace in one end in case it got cold. Of, course the fireplace was also made of tree limbs, which ended up being combustible, as was the rest of the hut. That night we went for a walk around the neighborhood, just getting into general mischief. I won't say doing what because some of those people may still be living. We ended up walking about a mile away up to Forest Park Junior High where I had obtained a position as student. After I explained all of the responsibilities and hazards associated with being a grown-up, we walked over to Main St to purchase cokes from the machine at the Gulf Station. We walked around with these in total innocence, even though it was after midnight, until we saw a police car. My young friend suggested running, but I being in possession of a cool head, realized that would look suspicious and being that we had done nothing wrong in the last 43 minutes thought it best to walk on by as though nothing was wrong, which is what I actually believed. They picked us up and began to interrogate us. They said had we run, they would have been obligated to shoot, since we were near adult sized, especially me. It seems we had committed a string of crimes we were not aware of, including buying cokes from the machine and not leaving a deposit for the bottles (even though the station was closed). and being alive and walking around after curfew. Now I knew what curfew was but did not realize my quiet little town had one. They took us on down to the station and were about to issue our striped uniforms when they realized my friends dad was none other than a volunteer cop. So they called him at 1:30 a.m. and he came to get us. I would not get in trouble again for many months, but many months passed and I did again get in trouble while operating in the capacity of a Junior High Student. It seems I bought a fire cracker from an associate. It turns out the officials found out and rounded up the whole fire cracker gang. We seemed to be just inches away from juvenile detention. I was sent for by personal messenger, rather than the intercom, I suppose to keep the rumors down and retain the element of surprise. I sold the hot item to an underling in order to be rid of it. I was required to go find my associate. He had discovered to my honest surprise, that the firecracker was devoid of gunpowder, a dud. Nevertheless there was plenty of fire-power in the assistant principal's paddle and my britches stayed warm all winter.
I rode my bike thru rain, sleet and snow to as many football games as I could at the old Kiwanis field. That would be my junk bike that I bought for $3 and fixed up. I had a nice chrome 3 speed spider bike with the flaming bananna seat. Something I would continue to do all through high school, except it was to Tara Stadium in my Blue Wonder! . I begged my parents to buy me a school jacket. It was too cool. Wine with gold leather sleeves and my name embroidered on it. This was not the cartoon looking Panther on the back. This was the cool one! I promised my folks I would not grow too much and would wear it the next 4 1/2 years thru high school and I did it proudly!
High School was cool! Not the classes and the schoolwork or most of the teachers. But going to a school with a great band, super basketball team and best of all the legitimate football teams in the state. Valdosta didn't count because they had plowhorses in uniform on their team.
I worked at several places and finally settled at Grants, working the snack bar with some of my best friends. It was fun because lots of kids worked there and lots of people came in. the snack bar was in front so we saw everyone. There was the motorcycle dude who visited often. He was too cool. The professional student with the handlebar mustache who smoked his pipe, read the paper and made a 10 cent cup of coffee last all day. Then there were the army guys. It was the last stop before Vietnam. They were always in there looking for girls and eating donuts. We had to announce the donut sales over the public address system. Jimmy and I would do impersonations of Jimmy Stewart, John Wayne and Ed Sullivan or whoever we could, when we were sure the store manager was gone for they day. It went like this: (Ed Sullivan) Good evening Grant Schoppers! We have a really big shew for you tonite! We're featuring etc. We may have been inspired by our principal Mr. Kirkland who made the same announcement at the end of everyday for about 6 years that I know of. It goes, "Teachers, please have your students lower and adjust the blinds before leaving today". Once we had a walkout at school to protest the fact that the teachers had a lounge to smoke in, but the students weren't allowed. But the day everyone looked forward to most, was Senior Day. We looked forward to that for years. When the day came I had not shaved for a week, for which the college professionals at Grants gave me grief about. I dressed head to toe in black including a black cowboy hat and a homemade holster that strapped to my leg. I got quite a few stares and whispers of awe. I walked around saying things like "Make my day" or "Feelin' lucky punk? Well do ya?" I got lots of strange looks because the Dirty Harry movies weren't out yet. They would steal real estate signs and put them all over the front lawn as if to sell the school. Of course this one guy brings a hearse and casket. That's hard to top. My first car was my dad's 1963 4 door Chevy II. I had it painted Grotto Blue. I put 14 inch slotted disc's on the back and 13's on the front and installed a cassette player. not the standard mini-8 track. Not the same league as the GTO's, Mustangs, Corvette, Cyclones, Super Bee, Roadrunners. Oh well,it was one of a kind.
Well, I eventually graduated (class of '71) from that place and married a Forest Park Girl (class of '74) and stayed in Forest Park and Morrow for the next 30 years! I will always have fond memories of those times because Forest Park was my "Camelot"
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Monday, July 20, 2009
Winnie The Pooh
Hello everyone!
I know I've created this gruff he-man image, this person everyone looks up to, to lead the way, to right wrongs, to spread wisdom, intelligence and other less desirable things. Unmentionable things! But, I have to open up and share another side of myself that few would guess. Don't worry, it's not my backside! How many sides to me are there? Well, there's the manly, manly side, the manly political side, the manly religious side, the manly romantic side and lest you think I am square, there's a fifth side - my child side! It came out the other day. I bought a VHS movie the other day for 79 cents. I discovered this rare gem, the 25th Anniversary Edition of Walt Disney's "The Many Adventures Of Winnie The Pooh". It's the predecessor to Toy Story, if you will, or even if you won't. I don't care! Only Winnie is 7 1/3 times better! In case you don't know the story, I'll fill you in. The story was written by A. A. Milne in the 1920's. There was a real bear cub who had been captured in "Canada", which is presently located in Canada, and was on loan to the "London Zoo" in London. Christopher Robin, the young son of Milne, was quite fond of Winnipeg the bear (Winnie) and would often visit and spend time inside the cage with Winnie. So Christopher Robin names his Teddy Bear, Winnie. Now don't ask me why a British child would have a Teddy Bear, since the name is from Teddy Roosevelt. By the way, the older generation, you know, the one that's older than mine, pronounces it Rooozavelt instead of Rosavelt like everyone else. No matter! He had other stuffed animals, Piglet, Eyore and Tigger. A. A. Milne began to write stories about his son Christopher Robin and his stuffy friends.
But I believe there is more to the story, than just a child's fantasy or imagination! This is a story of accepting others differences. Not diversity. Diversity means showing preference to one person over another just because he is different. It means undermining the foundation of a nation to placate the minority alien who has come to our country, not to join it, but to take over. Ooooh! that was the manly political side. Get back! Winnie is this overweight, rumbly, tumbly yellow bear with a red shirt. Doesn't wear pants, but neither did Donald Duck. He is sweet, but rather introspective in his pursuit of honey. Then there is shy little piglet, who lacks self confidence and has little might. There's Eeyore, the donkey with the pinned on tail, who is the most depressed animal you'd ever meet. The wise owl who is quite the blowhard. He is simply called Owl. And then there's Tigger, the sometimes obnoxious very bouncey tiger, whose always jumping and bouncing on things. Don't forget Rabbit, crotchety Rabbit and Kanga and her small child Roo. They all live in the "100 Acre Wood". They always help each other when there is a problem and often, they go to Christopher Robin, the only human in the story. Christopher Robin is kind of like God. He loves the animals and always comes to their rescue. He has great patience with them. But his favorite is Pooh, perhaps because he was Christopher's first. The story is both humorous and sweet. I bought it to play for my two year old granddaughter, Raegan, but thoroughly enjoyed watching it by myself.
Now more. The voice of Pooh is Sterling Holloway, who also did the voice of Kaa the snake in Jungle Book. The voice of Owl was Hal Smith, Otis, the town drunk, on The Andy Griffith Show. Howard Morris did the voice of Gopher. Howard played Ernestee Bass on Andy Griffith. Jon Walmsley did the voice of Christopher Robin. Who is Jon Walmsley? Why, he's Jason, on the Waltons!
The video I have, has a bunch of behind the scenes stuff including Carly Simon's performance of the songs for Piglet's Big Movie, for which she wrote the score.
Here's a great website for tons of info on this story:
http://www.just-pooh.com/
For the introduction to Piglet's Big Movie and Carly Simon's theme song, check http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G4UYtnlSZGs.
This one is Kenny Loggins singing Return to the House at Pooh Corner. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjIYTd_lJqs&feature=related
This reminded me that the story is also about childhood fantasies and outgrowing them.
I double-dog-dare everyone to watch this movie. If you have small children or grandchildren, shame on you if you don't get this movie and watch it with them. And get them a Pooh Bear too!
I'd bet honey, there's a child side to you too! Go find it!!
I know I've created this gruff he-man image, this person everyone looks up to, to lead the way, to right wrongs, to spread wisdom, intelligence and other less desirable things. Unmentionable things! But, I have to open up and share another side of myself that few would guess. Don't worry, it's not my backside! How many sides to me are there? Well, there's the manly, manly side, the manly political side, the manly religious side, the manly romantic side and lest you think I am square, there's a fifth side - my child side! It came out the other day. I bought a VHS movie the other day for 79 cents. I discovered this rare gem, the 25th Anniversary Edition of Walt Disney's "The Many Adventures Of Winnie The Pooh". It's the predecessor to Toy Story, if you will, or even if you won't. I don't care! Only Winnie is 7 1/3 times better! In case you don't know the story, I'll fill you in. The story was written by A. A. Milne in the 1920's. There was a real bear cub who had been captured in "Canada", which is presently located in Canada, and was on loan to the "London Zoo" in London. Christopher Robin, the young son of Milne, was quite fond of Winnipeg the bear (Winnie) and would often visit and spend time inside the cage with Winnie. So Christopher Robin names his Teddy Bear, Winnie. Now don't ask me why a British child would have a Teddy Bear, since the name is from Teddy Roosevelt. By the way, the older generation, you know, the one that's older than mine, pronounces it Rooozavelt instead of Rosavelt like everyone else. No matter! He had other stuffed animals, Piglet, Eyore and Tigger. A. A. Milne began to write stories about his son Christopher Robin and his stuffy friends.
But I believe there is more to the story, than just a child's fantasy or imagination! This is a story of accepting others differences. Not diversity. Diversity means showing preference to one person over another just because he is different. It means undermining the foundation of a nation to placate the minority alien who has come to our country, not to join it, but to take over. Ooooh! that was the manly political side. Get back! Winnie is this overweight, rumbly, tumbly yellow bear with a red shirt. Doesn't wear pants, but neither did Donald Duck. He is sweet, but rather introspective in his pursuit of honey. Then there is shy little piglet, who lacks self confidence and has little might. There's Eeyore, the donkey with the pinned on tail, who is the most depressed animal you'd ever meet. The wise owl who is quite the blowhard. He is simply called Owl. And then there's Tigger, the sometimes obnoxious very bouncey tiger, whose always jumping and bouncing on things. Don't forget Rabbit, crotchety Rabbit and Kanga and her small child Roo. They all live in the "100 Acre Wood". They always help each other when there is a problem and often, they go to Christopher Robin, the only human in the story. Christopher Robin is kind of like God. He loves the animals and always comes to their rescue. He has great patience with them. But his favorite is Pooh, perhaps because he was Christopher's first. The story is both humorous and sweet. I bought it to play for my two year old granddaughter, Raegan, but thoroughly enjoyed watching it by myself.
Now more. The voice of Pooh is Sterling Holloway, who also did the voice of Kaa the snake in Jungle Book. The voice of Owl was Hal Smith, Otis, the town drunk, on The Andy Griffith Show. Howard Morris did the voice of Gopher. Howard played Ernestee Bass on Andy Griffith. Jon Walmsley did the voice of Christopher Robin. Who is Jon Walmsley? Why, he's Jason, on the Waltons!
The video I have, has a bunch of behind the scenes stuff including Carly Simon's performance of the songs for Piglet's Big Movie, for which she wrote the score.
Here's a great website for tons of info on this story:
http://www.just-pooh.com/
For the introduction to Piglet's Big Movie and Carly Simon's theme song, check http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G4UYtnlSZGs.
This one is Kenny Loggins singing Return to the House at Pooh Corner. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjIYTd_lJqs&feature=related
This reminded me that the story is also about childhood fantasies and outgrowing them.
I double-dog-dare everyone to watch this movie. If you have small children or grandchildren, shame on you if you don't get this movie and watch it with them. And get them a Pooh Bear too!
I'd bet honey, there's a child side to you too! Go find it!!
Friday, July 17, 2009
FIRST THERE IS A MOUNTAIN - THEN THERE IS NO MOUNTAIN - THEN THERE IS!
How strange!?
First there is a mountain and then there isn't one and then later there is one. How odd and unexplainable. You see there's a song that goes:
First there is a mountain,
Then there is no mountain,
Then there is.
First there is a mountain.
Then there is no mountain,
Then there is.
He repeats this many times, as if it were so. and then he adds another verse:
Caterpillar sheds his skin,
You'll find a butterfly within.
Caterpillar sheds his skin,
You'll find a butterfly within.
You can listen for yourself if you like at:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=37r07eg867Y
It's a song by Donovan, just plain Donovan like Elvis. His last name is Lietch. Cary Grant's real name is Archibald Leach. Different spelling and Donovan is Scottish. thus the Scottish invasion. Oh yes, there was also a Polish invasion via Bobby Vinton. He was the Barry Manilo of the '60's. Then there was the redneck invasion headed up by Bobby Goldsboro and "Wicked" Wilson Pickett from Alabama. Not together. That would be like Manilo and Springstein. Can't see Bobby singing Funky Broadway or Pickett singing Me and God are Watching Scottie Grow.
Anyway Donovan started out like a groovy Bob Dylan and then started mixing his fruits and vegetables and became a little out there. It's been said if you remember the sixties, you weren't there. Well, I was there and I do remember them, but I was an innocent bystander! Honestly, Atlanta Georgia was not one of the top ten hip scenes. I played as big a part in the hippie movement as I did the Vietnam movement. Both were dangerous territory.
Yes, we are far afield. In the bible, a mountain is often a safe place or a place of refuge. A mountain is a strategic place to fight your battles from. A mountain may also represent an insurmountable obstacle. Perhaps a period of time in one's life. The main thing I want you to know is that I can't explain this song. Maybe I'll try to interpret Ode to Billie Joe. Check this next link. It's Donovan and Bobbie Gentry singing, First there Is A Mountain. Bobbie Gentry was a groovy country girl singer.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8uGnEc0DhY4
First there is a weekend,
Then there is no weekend,
Then there is!
First there is a mountain and then there isn't one and then later there is one. How odd and unexplainable. You see there's a song that goes:
First there is a mountain,
Then there is no mountain,
Then there is.
First there is a mountain.
Then there is no mountain,
Then there is.
He repeats this many times, as if it were so. and then he adds another verse:
Caterpillar sheds his skin,
You'll find a butterfly within.
Caterpillar sheds his skin,
You'll find a butterfly within.
You can listen for yourself if you like at:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=37r07eg867Y
It's a song by Donovan, just plain Donovan like Elvis. His last name is Lietch. Cary Grant's real name is Archibald Leach. Different spelling and Donovan is Scottish. thus the Scottish invasion. Oh yes, there was also a Polish invasion via Bobby Vinton. He was the Barry Manilo of the '60's. Then there was the redneck invasion headed up by Bobby Goldsboro and "Wicked" Wilson Pickett from Alabama. Not together. That would be like Manilo and Springstein. Can't see Bobby singing Funky Broadway or Pickett singing Me and God are Watching Scottie Grow.
Anyway Donovan started out like a groovy Bob Dylan and then started mixing his fruits and vegetables and became a little out there. It's been said if you remember the sixties, you weren't there. Well, I was there and I do remember them, but I was an innocent bystander! Honestly, Atlanta Georgia was not one of the top ten hip scenes. I played as big a part in the hippie movement as I did the Vietnam movement. Both were dangerous territory.
Yes, we are far afield. In the bible, a mountain is often a safe place or a place of refuge. A mountain is a strategic place to fight your battles from. A mountain may also represent an insurmountable obstacle. Perhaps a period of time in one's life. The main thing I want you to know is that I can't explain this song. Maybe I'll try to interpret Ode to Billie Joe. Check this next link. It's Donovan and Bobbie Gentry singing, First there Is A Mountain. Bobbie Gentry was a groovy country girl singer.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8uGnEc0DhY4
First there is a weekend,
Then there is no weekend,
Then there is!
Monday, July 13, 2009
A-Spare-Ag-Us the Drama!
Again, friends,
I don't care what you think, oh well, I do, but when I know I'm right, I just don't give a fig. Since I don't like figs, that's very little. Because I like President George H Bush and I like what he said about Broccoli and I'll defend his right to say it!! So Broccoli growers, you can just go ahead and boycott my little enterprise, both of you! In case you don't remember, George put it this way.
I don't like broccoli, it's plain to see,
And you won't receive an apology.
I would not eat it with steak and peas,
I would not eat it with mac and cheese.
I would not like it with apple pie.
And like George Washington, I cannot lie.
I would not eat it with Doris Day,
Or in cake or creme souffle.
I would not eat it with chips and dip,
Not on a boat or plane or even a ship.
I would not eat it with green eggs and hamn,
I do not like it worth a - flip!
It looks like something you'd feed a goat,
What's that you say, I've lost your vote!
Well bring me some broccoli with chocolate syrup,
Whipped cream and nuts for my dessert.
I'll eat the broccoli and lick the platter,
Just vote for me and forget the latter.
Sorry, here's what he really said:
Go George! I have since come to like Broccoli, but have untoward sentiments about asparagus. So Asparagus Growers, sit on it! I recently received an email from a kind relative explaining the benefits of asparagus with regards to cancer. Between asparagus and cancer, I'll choose asparagus, but between asparagus and anything else, I'll choose anything else! My first experience with asparagus was as a child in the monster house I grew up in. You must read my early posts, and try to keep up! I was seven and my sister was 11. Now I'm 55 and she's 51. Whatever! Mom cooked something new, which she rarely did. I barely liked corn and peas and now she wanted to try asparagus, from a can no less. Canned corn, peas, green beans are no problem, but if you want me to eat adult vegetables, they better be fresh and very nearly raw. Well, I gagged down as much as I could, but my sister, being smarter and also more wicked, tried passing it to the dog. The dog nearly vomited! It's a protective reflex. So, she just put the asparagus in a napkin, hidden in her lap, and after supper, went out to the front yard and threw it down the embankment. She later opened a successful restaurant, heck, if we're lying, let's say a chain of successful restaurants, called "Asparagus On The Side". You can order anything, and it comes with asparagus on the side. For a fee you can have them leave the asparagus off altogether. But, if you really get into the spirit of things, you can have the waiter take your asparagus and throw it down the embankment!! One famous customer whose name I won't mention wanted to drop his asparagus from the presidential helicopter.He wanted his supper to go and if you eat asparagus, you will Go!
The poop on asparagus, oh, excuse me, the story on asparagus is that you should take a tablespoon of concentrated asparagus at breakfast and before going to bed. Some like it hot, some like it cold, some like it in the pot, nine days old! If that means nothing to you, then we have really lost our way. You can have it hot like tea or cold like juice. You can sprinkle it on your grits or you can make a green paste to spread alongside ketchup for a colorful Christmas meatloaf! I say, put it in a pill! I did try grilled asparagus and crunchy grilled asparagus with some oily stuff on it is quite good! Of course you could smoke it. I tried but it wouldn't stay lit, so I'm not sure.
Listen, if I get cancer, I'll take a bath in asparagus, start smoking (just so I can stop), take omega 3, do yoga, fly to Mexico for experimental drugs, become a vegetarian, well maybe, but until then PFFTTFFTTPTH!
So remember this:
Eat, what you love,
And skip, what you hate.
Cuz, you are what you eat,
Minus what you eliminate!
Good night and good health to you!
P.S. If you love asparagus, I still love you. Just don't bring it in the house!.
I don't care what you think, oh well, I do, but when I know I'm right, I just don't give a fig. Since I don't like figs, that's very little. Because I like President George H Bush and I like what he said about Broccoli and I'll defend his right to say it!! So Broccoli growers, you can just go ahead and boycott my little enterprise, both of you! In case you don't remember, George put it this way.
I don't like broccoli, it's plain to see,
And you won't receive an apology.
I would not eat it with steak and peas,
I would not eat it with mac and cheese.
I would not like it with apple pie.
And like George Washington, I cannot lie.
I would not eat it with Doris Day,
Or in cake or creme souffle.
I would not eat it with chips and dip,
Not on a boat or plane or even a ship.
I would not eat it with green eggs and hamn,
I do not like it worth a - flip!
It looks like something you'd feed a goat,
What's that you say, I've lost your vote!
Well bring me some broccoli with chocolate syrup,
Whipped cream and nuts for my dessert.
I'll eat the broccoli and lick the platter,
Just vote for me and forget the latter.
Sorry, here's what he really said:
“I do not like broccoli. And I haven't liked it since I was a little kid and my mother made me eat it. And I'm President of the United States and I'm not going to eat any more broccoli.
Go George! I have since come to like Broccoli, but have untoward sentiments about asparagus. So Asparagus Growers, sit on it! I recently received an email from a kind relative explaining the benefits of asparagus with regards to cancer. Between asparagus and cancer, I'll choose asparagus, but between asparagus and anything else, I'll choose anything else! My first experience with asparagus was as a child in the monster house I grew up in. You must read my early posts, and try to keep up! I was seven and my sister was 11. Now I'm 55 and she's 51. Whatever! Mom cooked something new, which she rarely did. I barely liked corn and peas and now she wanted to try asparagus, from a can no less. Canned corn, peas, green beans are no problem, but if you want me to eat adult vegetables, they better be fresh and very nearly raw. Well, I gagged down as much as I could, but my sister, being smarter and also more wicked, tried passing it to the dog. The dog nearly vomited! It's a protective reflex. So, she just put the asparagus in a napkin, hidden in her lap, and after supper, went out to the front yard and threw it down the embankment. She later opened a successful restaurant, heck, if we're lying, let's say a chain of successful restaurants, called "Asparagus On The Side". You can order anything, and it comes with asparagus on the side. For a fee you can have them leave the asparagus off altogether. But, if you really get into the spirit of things, you can have the waiter take your asparagus and throw it down the embankment!! One famous customer whose name I won't mention wanted to drop his asparagus from the presidential helicopter.He wanted his supper to go and if you eat asparagus, you will Go!
The poop on asparagus, oh, excuse me, the story on asparagus is that you should take a tablespoon of concentrated asparagus at breakfast and before going to bed. Some like it hot, some like it cold, some like it in the pot, nine days old! If that means nothing to you, then we have really lost our way. You can have it hot like tea or cold like juice. You can sprinkle it on your grits or you can make a green paste to spread alongside ketchup for a colorful Christmas meatloaf! I say, put it in a pill! I did try grilled asparagus and crunchy grilled asparagus with some oily stuff on it is quite good! Of course you could smoke it. I tried but it wouldn't stay lit, so I'm not sure.
Listen, if I get cancer, I'll take a bath in asparagus, start smoking (just so I can stop), take omega 3, do yoga, fly to Mexico for experimental drugs, become a vegetarian, well maybe, but until then PFFTTFFTTPTH!
So remember this:
Eat, what you love,
And skip, what you hate.
Cuz, you are what you eat,
Minus what you eliminate!
Good night and good health to you!
P.S. If you love asparagus, I still love you. Just don't bring it in the house!.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
DOCTOR PLEASE!
Hi guys,
I missed you. I had to go to the doctor today cause...
I was feelin' . . . so bad,
I asked my family doctor just what I had,
I said, "Doctor, . . . (Doctor-r)
Mr. M.D., . . . (Doctor-r . .)
Now can you tell me, (tell me, tell me)
What's ailin' me?" (Doctor-r . .)
He said, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
(Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
Yes, indeed, all you really need . . .(Is good lovin')
Gimme that good, good lovin . . .(Good lovin')
All I need is lovin' . . .(Good lovin')
Good lovin', baby.
(compliments of the Young Rascals- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FH3JxK )
Oh, if it were only that simple. Actually, I've been doing fine, thank you. It's just that my blood sugar and cholesterol does not meet government conformance. Nor does my triglycerides. I thought they were putting that in the water now, so you didn't have to worry about it. I joke, but you know it's coming - and sooner than you think. If your blood pressure is too high, they're gonna tax you. If you smoke, they're gonna tax you. If you drink, might as well get extra happy, cause they're gonna tax you! If you're too fat, better lose weight cause, they're gonna tax you. I am not fat, I'm just a little too short for my weight. Old joke, but my doctor's old, so it might work. If you're short, may as well move to Japan. My regular doctor was not there so I had to see an irregular one. He's not so laid back. Dr' Nicefellow, my regular Dr, said don't worry about exercise, or cholesterol, or salt. Just try to loose some weight and see if that works! I like that. He said running from potatos (help me Quayle). and bread and rice is all the exercise you need. Dr Tv Doctor said, I should get a will, see an ophthalmologist, get a follow up ekg, start taking gravestat and become an exercise fool. I've got the fool part down pretty good! Actually he said I didn't have to exercise on the days that start with vowels. I thought he said bowels, which would be most every day, but unfortunately it was vowels. Please help me think of some. There's Easter and Arbor day. How about yesterday! I could always not exercise yesterday. but can you not exercise yesterday today or must you wait until tomorrow and not do it? I need more vowel days. Can I buy a vowel?? Oh, and the gravestat, that's for when you feel like you've got one foot in the grave, it helps you get the other one in. It's one of those drugs from the Stat family. You know they have their own Island, Staten Island. Same family. They created monostat for loneliness, fatastat for weight control, ratastat for pest control and thermostat for cold feet. I made up that last one. Ha, ha:)
I arrived 2 minutes early for my appointment. I had to pay a $25 co-pay and got way more than I bargained for or actually wanted. I sat down and began looking thru the magazines. I passed over the self-help rags because - well.... Then I found the LARGE PRINT Readers Digest. Perfect! But before I could find the joke page, I was called back. I knew something was wrong, because I usually wait a minimum 30 minutes. I hear that Dr' Nicefellow is not here yet. Man, this Doctor TV Doctor really knows how to clear out a waiting room. The paramedics came and got one patient. I heard something about not being able to find his tonsil scratchers. I call him Dr TV Doctor, because if he had a bubble over his head, it would say " I'm not a real doctor, but I play one in real life". Anyway, nurse (Ma) Kettle comes and wants me to take my shirt off and starts asking me about the beach and travel. She takes my blood pressure, looks in my mouth, nose, ears and eyes. Then she rolls in this cart and starts sticking these little patches all over. She takes my ekg. All for twenty five dollars! I figure there must be a catch, like I have to subscribe to eleven magazines. Mind you the door was closed and there was no male present, so I think I could sue. Then Dr TV Dr comes in and Nurse Kettle leaves. He says I can put my shirt back on and remove everything else - except my tighty whities. Now you know! Now I made sure that I had clean underwear and that it had no holes except where it should have holes. Wow! At least something had gone right! He did the knee jerk test, the foot jerk test and the arm jerk test. He did a front end alignment and then the worst exam a man could have. All without the presence of a female!! The rear end lubrication. I asked if I would be able to play the piano after this? Because I always wanted to. Well, I haven't tried the piano, but I instantly attained the ability to dance like Michael Jackson, God rest his soul. Why do we say this? When you die, your soul is at rest or it is not. I hope many of his fans will become believers. So then I do the moon walk down the hall to the receptionist desk. That's after redressing, underwear on the inside, pants on the outside, like regular people! Now here's the thing. there is a double standard! If I had breasts, I would know how to self examine them! Everyone does! So you don't have to go thru the embarrassment of having someone else do it. So, why don't they teach men, because I believe you could do that yourself! If you know your you-know-what from a hole in the ground, you can do it! Hope you've already eaten your supper. Sorry. They have a little tv in the exam room. It doesn't get Melrose Place or Leave it to Beaver or even Dr. Kildare. Oh, don't remind me! It has fifteen channels all about diseases you might have. They've already asked me about diseases my relatives might have. Don't put your ailments on facebook, because the government collects that information! By the time you leave the doctor's office you've got three new diseases to worry about. The ophthalmologist wants me twice a year, the dentist quarterly, the chiropractor bi-weekly, the cardiologist bi-monthly. the psychologist will probably just have me move in - I think he calls it being committed. No. it's the church that's wants me committed. Now I am confused. Anyway, I've used all of my family sickness time for car repairs, so what am I going to do.
I like the way the Tams sang it:
Be young, be foolish, but be Happ-y-y - ooh-ooh-oooh-o0h-ooh-ooh-ooh!
I'm gonna moon-walk on outta here! Good night!!
I missed you. I had to go to the doctor today cause...
I was feelin' . . . so bad,
I asked my family doctor just what I had,
I said, "Doctor, . . . (Doctor-r)
Mr. M.D., . . . (Doctor-r . .)
Now can you tell me, (tell me, tell me)
What's ailin' me?" (Doctor-r . .)
He said, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
(Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
Yes, indeed, all you really need . . .(Is good lovin')
Gimme that good, good lovin . . .(Good lovin')
All I need is lovin' . . .(Good lovin')
Good lovin', baby.
(compliments of the Young Rascals- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FH3JxK )
Oh, if it were only that simple. Actually, I've been doing fine, thank you. It's just that my blood sugar and cholesterol does not meet government conformance. Nor does my triglycerides. I thought they were putting that in the water now, so you didn't have to worry about it. I joke, but you know it's coming - and sooner than you think. If your blood pressure is too high, they're gonna tax you. If you smoke, they're gonna tax you. If you drink, might as well get extra happy, cause they're gonna tax you! If you're too fat, better lose weight cause, they're gonna tax you. I am not fat, I'm just a little too short for my weight. Old joke, but my doctor's old, so it might work. If you're short, may as well move to Japan. My regular doctor was not there so I had to see an irregular one. He's not so laid back. Dr' Nicefellow, my regular Dr, said don't worry about exercise, or cholesterol, or salt. Just try to loose some weight and see if that works! I like that. He said running from potatos (help me Quayle). and bread and rice is all the exercise you need. Dr Tv Doctor said, I should get a will, see an ophthalmologist, get a follow up ekg, start taking gravestat and become an exercise fool. I've got the fool part down pretty good! Actually he said I didn't have to exercise on the days that start with vowels. I thought he said bowels, which would be most every day, but unfortunately it was vowels. Please help me think of some. There's Easter and Arbor day. How about yesterday! I could always not exercise yesterday. but can you not exercise yesterday today or must you wait until tomorrow and not do it? I need more vowel days. Can I buy a vowel?? Oh, and the gravestat, that's for when you feel like you've got one foot in the grave, it helps you get the other one in. It's one of those drugs from the Stat family. You know they have their own Island, Staten Island. Same family. They created monostat for loneliness, fatastat for weight control, ratastat for pest control and thermostat for cold feet. I made up that last one. Ha, ha:)
I arrived 2 minutes early for my appointment. I had to pay a $25 co-pay and got way more than I bargained for or actually wanted. I sat down and began looking thru the magazines. I passed over the self-help rags because - well.... Then I found the LARGE PRINT Readers Digest. Perfect! But before I could find the joke page, I was called back. I knew something was wrong, because I usually wait a minimum 30 minutes. I hear that Dr' Nicefellow is not here yet. Man, this Doctor TV Doctor really knows how to clear out a waiting room. The paramedics came and got one patient. I heard something about not being able to find his tonsil scratchers. I call him Dr TV Doctor, because if he had a bubble over his head, it would say " I'm not a real doctor, but I play one in real life". Anyway, nurse (Ma) Kettle comes and wants me to take my shirt off and starts asking me about the beach and travel. She takes my blood pressure, looks in my mouth, nose, ears and eyes. Then she rolls in this cart and starts sticking these little patches all over. She takes my ekg. All for twenty five dollars! I figure there must be a catch, like I have to subscribe to eleven magazines. Mind you the door was closed and there was no male present, so I think I could sue. Then Dr TV Dr comes in and Nurse Kettle leaves. He says I can put my shirt back on and remove everything else - except my tighty whities. Now you know! Now I made sure that I had clean underwear and that it had no holes except where it should have holes. Wow! At least something had gone right! He did the knee jerk test, the foot jerk test and the arm jerk test. He did a front end alignment and then the worst exam a man could have. All without the presence of a female!! The rear end lubrication. I asked if I would be able to play the piano after this? Because I always wanted to. Well, I haven't tried the piano, but I instantly attained the ability to dance like Michael Jackson, God rest his soul. Why do we say this? When you die, your soul is at rest or it is not. I hope many of his fans will become believers. So then I do the moon walk down the hall to the receptionist desk. That's after redressing, underwear on the inside, pants on the outside, like regular people! Now here's the thing. there is a double standard! If I had breasts, I would know how to self examine them! Everyone does! So you don't have to go thru the embarrassment of having someone else do it. So, why don't they teach men, because I believe you could do that yourself! If you know your you-know-what from a hole in the ground, you can do it! Hope you've already eaten your supper. Sorry. They have a little tv in the exam room. It doesn't get Melrose Place or Leave it to Beaver or even Dr. Kildare. Oh, don't remind me! It has fifteen channels all about diseases you might have. They've already asked me about diseases my relatives might have. Don't put your ailments on facebook, because the government collects that information! By the time you leave the doctor's office you've got three new diseases to worry about. The ophthalmologist wants me twice a year, the dentist quarterly, the chiropractor bi-weekly, the cardiologist bi-monthly. the psychologist will probably just have me move in - I think he calls it being committed. No. it's the church that's wants me committed. Now I am confused. Anyway, I've used all of my family sickness time for car repairs, so what am I going to do.
I like the way the Tams sang it:
Be young, be foolish, but be Happ-y-y - ooh-ooh-oooh-o0h-ooh-ooh-ooh!
I'm gonna moon-walk on outta here! Good night!!
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