BACK FROM THE DEAD!

WARNING: this may not be funny or valuable in any way, but nobody is holding a gun to your head, are they?

Well I did not die! Can't a guy take a vacation? There are a few ideas floating around in my head. Better there than my kidneys! Otherwise you'd never hear them. Ugghh, floating in kidneys creates a terrible picture. Lucky you! Yeah, I know! I was being sarcastic. Did you know by adding ic to the end of a word, you can often exaggerate it's meaning? Fantastic, spastic, elastic, Jurassic, ballistic, hyperbolic, plastic. Well not every time. Anyway, there is lot's of room in the old melon for ideas. There could be 9000 ideas up there and they would never bump into each other.

Idea 1. Instead of cutting teachers salaries, why not do away with the fourth grade? I'm not saying lay off the fourth grade teachers. But every time a teacher retires, replace them with a fourth grade teacher. Now, some of you may have to move to Michigan or North Mexico. Or is it New Mexico. American History wasn't my "thing". School in general wasn't my thing. I learned everything I need from flash cards! Besides, how can we keep saying New York, New Mexico, New Jersey, New Hampshire? Wasn't the idea to get away from the British? The point is, nobody likes fourth grade. You could cram the important stuff like long division into the end of third grade and the beginning of fifth grade. What knucklehead decided there should be twelve grades to begin with?

Idea 2. Build a wall across the Mexican border!! NOW!! Build a wall out of used tires. We already have to pay a disposal fee for our old tires when we buy new, so use the fees to fund tire shipping. This wall would cost nothing and it would save our landfills. Then allow kudzu too overtake the wall to enhance the beauty of the project and conceal the rattlesnakes and copperheads breeding inside. Border Patrol, your new job is tire truck driver! UPDATE: A few days after this original post, while biking 20 miles on the Comet Trail, I saw a tire wall surrounding a classic car lot (synonymic phrase for junk yard)so I must give them credit, while at the same time it only re-enforces the validity of the tire wall project! I wonder who or what is feeding my brain, because in my attempt to make up a new word, synonymic, I find I have been beat to the punch! Could it be that I accidentally, against all odds, learned something in school? Nah!! Something is messing with me!

Idea 3. Make the presidential term an unrepeatable offense. Maybe include a "back by popular demand" clause, prohibiting the sitting or golfing president from participating in campaigning for hisself (I know it should be himself, but English wasn't my thing) or others and from writing books, but allowing her/him to return if the majority votes for her/him as a write in. Key word is "write" and I mean in English. And let's stop paying politicians to champion causes for segments of society based on race, natural origin or gender. If you're an American citizen you AUTOMATICALLY HAVE FULL RIGHTS. If not, over the tire wall you go!

Sorry - way too political!

Idea 4. Stop importing cars! If the foreigners want to sell cars here, let them build the cars here with American made parts and let the profits stay here. Give them American names like Toy-Okra, RHonda, Folkswagon and how about a supersize suv called the Plantation? If you start off the sentence as a demonstrative statement (pardon my redundance) and end up as a rhetorical question, how do you punctuate it? Rhetoric, there's the ic thing again in all of it's superboli! I like the word redundance! It can be broken down all sorts of ways. But it does not mean repetitive as commonly mispercieved. It means excess. So I may have forty pounds of redundant weight! Or more. I reckon if you wanted it to mean repetitive, you could just say rerundance. Or just repetitive. There's a whole industry built around rerundant words. Words that mean the same thing as other words. There is a whole book full of them. The main use of the book is to help uncreative students conceal plagiarism. I don't know why teachers insist that students rewrite what the professional writers, with all of their proofreeders and editors have perfected. They are totally, completely, absolutely unnecessary. They are unquestionably and without a doubt not needed. No wonder our young people are so frustrated!

Oh,well. I've completed my assignment. It may not be pullover prize material, but perhaps I will pass.