There's a Vent in my Base-Ment

Hello friends.
Hope you like Dr. Seuss. He is one of my favorite authors. When I was young like 2nd-3rd grade, my favorite book was Big Red. When my teacher made me check out a library book, I always picked Big Red. It was pretty adventurous compared to Dick, Sally, Jane and Spot, although I liked those too. One year I read the whole Dick, Sally and Jane book during the summer and they didn't know what to do with me the next year at school, so I had my own reading group. She finally made me join the others. When I got a little older I began gravitating to Dr Seuss. He's very cool! My saga with installing the new dryer vent in my basement made me think of him.
There's a dryer vent with a higher bent that goes through the roof and into my attic. It pops out the ceiling and there it is squealing and spitting out lint, you can see if you squint. But some of the lint would not take the hint and hung on to the grille at the top. So when clogged beyond clogdom, the clothes it would seem, would be less like dried than like steamed!
Well something had to be done and right now and right fast with a hammer and tape and some ziberdy-zast!
Okay, I'm no Dr. Seuss! I guess it takes about 12 years of higher learning to do what he did. Don't you love how when he couldn't think of a rhyme, he just made up a word? That's cool!
This job should be so simple, but nothing in this world is that simple! First you have to assess the project. That's about 75% of the job! Then you must shop for materials. Another 30%. I go to Gnome Depot and pick up a few things, but most of it is cheap stuff like pig 1 and pig 2 would use. Then I went to Flowes to see what they had. I was looking for long sections of rigid pipe. Well it doesn't exist. You can buy long flat sheets of metal and then fold it into pipe. Like, tubular man! So I buy all they have. Two. I have to go to the other Flowes to get three more. You must lay these down on the carpet, while watching Clint Eastwood. Feel lucky? Well, do ya punk? Rolling these five foot sections of sheet metal into pipe is like, like... doing something really hard. Did you fall asleep reading this? If you did, it's ok, cause I fell asleep writing it! A snore woke me up! The sheet metal edges are very sharp and you run the risk of cutting your hands to bits and pieces, bits and pieces, Since you left me and you said goodbye, I'm in pieces, bits and pieces, All I do is sit and cry! (Dave Clark Five). The reason for your risk, is that the store can stock this stuff more conveniently, thereby shifting the risk of assembly to you. You know you can't spell assembly without- well I always feel like one whenever I try it! My hats off to the sheet metal workers! Brave workers! After rolling these pipes, you must connect them and then seal with duck tape. I got the real kind like the experts suggested. It's chrome plated and has a paper backing to keep it from sticking to itself. I bought this because my old lifetime supply of duck tape can never be found. I see it almost everyday when I'm looking for other things that can't be found. I bet my wife a dollar to a dime that I would find the old duck tape, after I made the trip for new. I was right. When I claim stupidity, it's always a safe bet. I ended up abandoning the high-bred duck tape and using the old standard. The rule with duck tape is use the amount your dad would use and then repeat, twice! It always works. Once I lost one of the kids doing that, but we had several others. So then the task of lifting this monstrosity into place. I strapped everything into place with those plastic wire wrap things. I love those! Don't ever put one around your neck though! You have to snake that pipe around studs, through doorways, around light fixtures, through rafters and between wiring. One innovative idea I had was to wrap electrical wiring around and around and around the pipe in a tight coil for an electromagnetic effect. That should cause the electron charged lint and air to move more rapidly through the pipe! Now if you want to stand outside, you can dry your hair with this thing while doing the laundry!.
It was sad to see the old Lint Dust Collection Module (LDCM) go. Remember the box where all of the lint used to go? I opened it up. There was enough lint in there to knit sweaters for the King Family. No, not the MLKing family. There used to be this singing family of about 45 aunts, cousins, uncles, sisters, brothers etc that sang these corny tv specials. Every one of them had blond hair. I guess if they had a brunette or red headed baby, they just donated it to the orphanage. And there were an assortment of little expired mammals and 37 pairs of mismatched socks! I always thought fluffy had been lost in the woods. Remember to keep your dryer door closed at all times. Next time I buy a house, I'm making sure the laundry room is on an exterior wall!

Some day, in my spare time, I'll write a "How Not To"' book. They say write about the things you know best and that's my specialty!

I hope you sleep well tonite and dream dreams that challenge realty!

Slave Dryer!

Hello fellow slaves!
Do you own that chocolate shake or does it own you? Yeah. My dryer has pushed me around long enough. I'm pushing back! You know when you buy a new house, it's supposed to stay new. Mine started aging before I could move in. It's seven years old. It should be perfect. I'm paying enough! And paying enough! And paying enough! SLAP!! Break the cycle. The brand new stove quit at about one year old. Our fault. We used the self clean cycle. You shouldn't do that. If you have one, just put a piece of tape over the button. Stove mechanic said it would be cheaper to buy a new one. We got an electric with a flat top. If it says flat, it's better! Flat top stove, flat screen TV, flat bellies, flat mortgage, flat tax etc. My friends have lots of cats hanging around their driveway. I affectionately call them flat cats, because, you know. I love my flat top stove so much, that I spend time daily massaging it, scraping stuff off of it, grinding, sanding, chiseling all of the burnt oxidation crud off of it! Okay, the dryer saga. Had a new Amanda Dryer. If you know Amanda Dryer, it's not the same thing. Amanda was only with me a couple of years. But I kept her around, because I knew some day I would breathe life back into her comatose body. My mama had the same dryer most of my childhood. We left it out in the rain and never had to maintain it. It used no gas or electricity and had no belts. It was a solar dryer! We just hung our clothes on it. It was the deluxe model with 4 lines! My dad built it! When Amanda quit, we had a spare, so we used it for a while until it quit. I put a new motor in Amanda and she ran like a top, until her electrodes or elements or something quit. I tried replacing them but to no avail. I didn't want another Amanda so I got a Maepole, the one that never breaks down. Got her home and except for her knobs, Mae looked just like Amanda! It's like the Twilight Zone with Rod Sterling. He didn't look like a Rod. He looked more like a Ted or Phil Sirling. In high school there was a guy we called "Rod the Bod" he wore these cut-off shirts with his flat belly showing, like he was a jock, only he didn't play sports. One of my buddies came as "Rod the Bod" on senior day. It's not the Rod you're thinking of anyway. Another friend and me came as cowboys, back when it wasn't so common and redneck. There was this one guy who drove a pickup. He thought his pick up was so cool. Nobody else dug pick ups back then. I wore black pants, black shirt, black hat, black..well you get it. I made a holster that strapped around my leg, so I didn't have to reach up to my waist to draw and I did carry a cap pistol. I didn't shave for a week, and swaggered down the hallways looking mean! I looked plenty tough! I modeled my character after Lee Marvin as Kid Shaleen, the gunslinger in Cat Balou. Great character! Watch the movie, if you can get over a young Jane Fonda being in it. My friend dressed up in all white. I'm not sure who he was, Truman Capote? Just kidding! He was the good guy, I guess.It was a fun day. To give you an idea what the class of "71 at Forest Park High School was like, our predecessors, class of '70 had "We've Only Just Begun" (as in The Carpenters) for their class motto. We had "Born to be Wild" (Steppenwolf). Fade out-fade in. Back to the dryer saga. Our house, is a very, very,very fine house, with two cats in the yard, life used to be so hard. Now everything is easy cause of you (Crosby, Stills, Nash, Young). Pardon, I have to throw in a song lyric now and then to keep the musically reclined interested. Our house has a high roof. Ever see a house with a high roof and walk inside to find only a moderately high ceiling. Oh, well there must be a second floor. No stairs. You look in the attic - nothing but 2X4 braces, insulation and air! $297,000 for a huge house with only 820 square feet! What's that all about, Alfie? Well sir, my house does have high ceilings and I have the gas and electric bills to prove it! Point being is, in his infinite wisdom, the builder runs the dryer vent up through the roof, which is about 35 feet up. We were having to dry clothes for about 2 days! And then ring them out before wearing. I fixed that the same way I fixed my '73 Gold Duster! When it couldn't make it down town without running hot, I figured the smog canister thing. must be clogged. Rather than buy a new one, I discarded the old one, replaced it with a Hi-C can and stuffed paper towels inside. It didn't make much difference, but at least I scored a blow against the establishment. What goes up, should go down! I cut a hole in the floor of my laundry room (read closet) and ran the hose through the floor and into the basement. Messy you say. I'm no hayseed! I don't really know who is, but not me! I got a large cardboard box, about 2 feet cubed. If you don't know what that means, just remember big. I ran the flexible tubing into the box. I taped up the openings to the box to seal it and cut a square hole into it's skin. I stapled a piece of window screening over the hole and it worked great. For a couple of years. Well yeah, it does make the basement more damp and moldy and it might be why my wife seems to have this alergic cough, especially at night and our bedroom is over the downstairs lint dust collection module. My LDCM was overloaded. Now, the "not drying our clothes" thing has started again. Time to clean out the LDCM. But this time, I'm running about 215 feet of rigid pipe under the overhead joists and fixing a hole where the rain came in, and stopped my mind from wandering, where I should go-o. Whoops, those were lyrics again (Beatles). Sorry. I will have to cut a hole through the brick, which I paid dearly to have installed without holes or cracks. I will connect the rigid pipe to the vent I bought and once again, I will be free, free, free at last!!! I know what it means to be enslaved. I feel the pain of the oppressed! But I soon will be free. Then there's the dead bolt locks that the builder didn't install. They built a house with 39,000 bricks (see, I did learn from the three pigs), wired it for security and installed steel covered entry doors. Why did they install locks that a nine year old can break through. I know what you're thinking, but there's nothing in here that would be worth breaking in for. Some of it will turn up at the thrift store and you can purchase it inexpensively there. Just be patient!
This is probably way more than you wanted to know, but it's just the tip of the iceberg! Buy things that have been tested. I'm buying an ipod some day, after the next thing or two is invented so the price comes down. The next thing will be a chip implanted in your head, that plays internally. No earpiece or roach thing, whatever that thing is that goes on your ear. It will be straight wired to your brain. Then when you say this is the soundtrack to my life, it will be true.

It' getting late. There's so much to write and so little worth writing, so good night my love, pleasant dreams, sleep tight my love, may your tomorrow be sunny and bright and bring you closer to me (Fleetwoods). (not Mac)

disclaimer: if you don't understand some of this, read ALL of the earlier posts. You wouldn't start reading a recipe or an algebra book from the middle would you? I wouldn't at all! If after you read the other posts, you still don't understand, try bull running or working for the IRS.

Don't feel funny.

Hello friends,
I don't know what people do without friends! Thank you to my friends. I'm not feeling funny these days. Not much. I did see a Bob Hope movie yesterday that I had never seen before, "Alias Jesse James". It was a comedy. If you hadn't already guessed that, you don't know who Bob Hope is. Only one of the worlds greatest comedians ever! I believe you should laugh every day, even if it's only at yourself! I learned that from Bob. Another actor I like is Jack Lemon. I liked those two even as a teenager. Jack Lemon's character often gets into these ridiculous situations and it's funny to see him squirm his way through it. I used to dream up situations to get into, so it would be funny to others when I had to get out of them. I only remember actually doing one of them and it worked quite well. I spelled my middle name incorrectly on legal documents, like my driver's license, social security card, etc. I never used my middle name anyway. It is Combs or Coombs. I honestly don't know. I changed it back on my drivers lisence, but I'm still not sure it's right. I have my birth certificate, but I never can remember it even after I look at it. I have a mental block. In fact if you took all of my mental blocks and placed them end to end, you would have wasted a lot of time and you'd have a long walk home from Nantucket or maybe Daytona Beach, which would be great! I love the beach. I love the sun, the waves, people having fun, the sand, bright colors. I'm feeling better already. If I can just hang on for a few months.
You want to know what's really bothering me? Of course not. But you've read this far. Might as well continue. Like one of those books that's supposed to be so good. you just keep reading it, hoping maybe something on the last page will make it worthwhile. What's bothering me is the responsibility factor. It's what happens when you're not used to being responsible and all of the sudden, you try it!!! Like eating lots of vegetables and your stomach is not used to it. Like when you don't go to the dentist or floss your teeth 6 times a day. Or when you don't eat right, get fat, get high blood pressure, get diabetes and high triglycerides (how ever you spell it). It's what happens when you take your car to the mechanic. It's what happens when you take the Ramsey Lewis Trio Financial Peas seminar. Everything is just fine, if you ignore it. We did our budget. You know what?? We spend about $500 a month more than we make. And there are a lot of things that aren't even on there!.
My doctor says if I lose weight those things might go away, the medical things anyway. I believe my blood pressure and blood sugar would both come down. Just when I get high marks for something, they decide it's bad. I believe when I lose weight my hair will come back! You see, there still is some hair up there. There's just not as much per square inch. If I reduce the square inches, the hair would, of course get thicker. I figure about 25 square inches should do it! Of course my ears would end up on top of my head and my chin might be a little tight, but there's an extra one down there anyway. I guess that's what it's for. Sometimes I dream that I have hair. I'm really quite handsome! In fact, I'm convinced that's why I don't have hair! It's my thorn in the flesh! When I was young, girls used to follow me around! A few of them were just trying to get those 50's I had hanging out of my back pocket, but some were really interested. Most of those, I encouraged to visit the senior center, where the guys walked a little slower and could be more easily caught! Ah, the fun memories of youth...I would save up for weeks and weeks until I had about 5 or 6 dollars. Then my buddies and I would do our favorite thing. Go down town! We would take the bus from Forest Park, the greatest place to grow up, unless you count the beach. If I had hair and lived at the beach, you could just forget it!! But, the most fun you could have living in Forest Park, was taking the bus to DOWNTOWN ATLANTA! Talk about opening up the eyes of a young man, around 14, it was groovy, man! For ten cents, you could take a 30 minute ride on the bus to Atlanta. The route ended on Auburn Ave right across from a Krystal's Hamburger joint. We usually ate there. Three Krystal's for ten cents each, some fries and a coke. So you could eat for about fifty cents. A couple times we ate at Shoneys. You're talking about a dollar twenty or so for a Big Boy combo.And you had to wait an hour for them to make it. We always joked that you could order from Shoneys, walk next store to the Rialto and see a movie, and get out about the same time your food arrives. Of course Riches was an institution with it's 5 story buildings on both side of the block and the connecting three story bridge. We played chase on the elevators and escalators. You always saw drunks and hobos begging for a dime or a quarter. Our standard line was always, we only have our bus fare. This was often true. I love to go to New York now and just walk around like that, but it's not near the thrill that Atlanta used to be. I wouldn't trade it for all of the video games and ipods in the world!
Well, you probably don't feel any better, but this trip down memory lane has loosened me up a little! Say, why don't you take a trip down memory lane? It could do you some good! You should take a bus somewhere or drive somewhere, park your car and get out and walk around. Take in some quaint little shops, antique stores. Watch a little league ball game. get some bar b que! Call me up when you do, cause I want to go!

Good night everyone! Sleep tight friends!!

Who Wants To Be A MILLIONAIRE? - anyway?

Friends, if you actually know me, you know I'd come closer to being a fridgidaire! But I'm working on it! I'm still taking tips from the Ramsey Lewis Trio Institute of Financial Peas. No, I didn't leave out the "c" or the "e". If you eat peas for breakfast, lunch and supper everyday, you will save $15 per day, per person. So, for a family of four, that's $60 a day, $420 per week, about $22,000 per year! But wait, compund the interest at 35% and you've got $47,900. Put the first year's savings into an emergency fund. Only use that for real disasters, like your friend in Hawaii or Paris, or London comes to an unexpected demise. Remember generosity is the opposite of greed and the tighter you squeeze your portfolio, the more bruised it gets. So go comfort the mourning lamenters. Allow your self some mad money. Money that is yours alone to do with it as you please, without accountability. You arrive at this figure after you have budgeted for utilities, groceries, gasoline, house note, car, house, health, assisted living, life insurance and don't forget insurance that pays your premiums if you get layed off. Oh, I hope I do! Well, I was mad when I found out how much it would be! So now I don't have to tell anyone whether I chose the cherry gumball or the grape one!
One financial genius starts off advising how to make a million, like this. First get a $100,000. Then develope a.....They all assume that you have some money to start with. What if you're like I heard Geraldo Riviera say about the parents of that girl whose daughter was "missing". He said it wasn't for ransom, because they didn't have a pot to pee in. That's journalism at it's finest. Geraldo, that kept screaming during the hurricane, "There's a man in the water, over there! there's a man in the water!" NEWS FLASH! He was a coast guard worker, trying to secure some equipment. Of course, there was the time we waited for 5 months in suspence for the day when Geraldo would open the mysterious vault! Who knew what would be in there? Elvis, Jimmy Hoffa, the Holy Grail! Would you believe, nothing - on national television - nothing! Why didn't they just tape it and if it turned up to be a turnip, they could play lost episodes from My Favorite Martian.
Another financial plan with teeth was the real estate empire that could be built while living in the back of your car. Only problem was, I lived in a house, with a note, a wife, a baby and all the bills I could handle. First thing you do is find a house that's worth $120,000, but they only want $27,000. You get the bank to loan you 90,000, so you can fix it up a little, you know things like plumbing, wiring, sheet rock, framing, roof, cabinets, just the basics. That comes to about $700. You then sell this quickly, still below market for $115,000. You pocket about $80,000. So now, you get a car that runs. And you buy three more such houses. Before long you will tire of all this work and write a book about working out of your car. I'm thinking of writing a book about a man who decides to skip the working part of this and write a book and just go the seminar route with it. It's a thousand pages, give or take a few. I'll be writing more in a week or two. I can make it longer if you like the style or I can change it around, but I want to be a paperback writer.
Purchasing a vehicle. One car that can really save a bundle is the Porche 914. I don't know if they still make them, but when I wore a younger mans clothes, my own, I dreamed of having one. It was the economy model, kind of flat looking. It was a two seater, with the engine in the middle. It looked almost the same coming or going. That's the good part. You don't have to waste gas turning around! Does your odometer turn when you drive in reverse? Don't think so! But you've been backing up, then pulling forward for years. Think of all the miles you drove unrecorded! probably millions! Okay, hundreds. Now think of the time, gas, wear and tear you could save if you just drove backwards to your next destination? How about the little amphibian with the propeller in the back? Instead of sitting in rush hour traffic, you could pull off the road, go down the embankment and enter the Chattahoochee! No traffic jam there. And you could drag a line while you're at it. Perhaps have a fish dinner on the way home. The problem is not that we don't think outside the box. The problem is we don't even think inside the box!! Okay, something a little more practicle. How about a 15 passenger van. Big you say! But you can get it cheap, especially since it don't run. Push it to a new subdivision with a downhill entrance. Paint Buritto Burner on the side. park it in front of a construction site. Be sure to play Tijuana Brass or Baja Marimba Band real loud on the boom box. When they all come out to see the Mexican Buritto Burner, you offer to sell it to them for $200 a piece! That's $3000. Explain that this tootin wagon runs on methane gas. And you'll supply the first round of Burittos! Remind them they must keep the windows up at all times, for optimum performance and it's a city ordinance.
I'm looking forward to a prosperous year. I'm kind of serious about the Ground Hog thing. I believe it would work at least for a while, like the pet rock, only better. If anyone wants to buy part interest in the idea, please let me know.
One last item. Since everyone has something to say about the First, uh Dog, I have my own idea. It's a cross between a Bulldog and a Shitzu. Do the English!

Night, y'all !

Sleep tight - Don't let the bed bugs bite!

Hello Dear Friends,

And you are dear, if you read my rag! I always heard that bedtime limerick. It that lim er ick or lime-rick? Don't know. I'm probably misusing it anyway, but I'm not doing this for grades. I had an experience that made me think about it. Getting bit in bed. Because it happened to me - twice. No it wasn't bed bugs. Not Cheryl. Who then? What then?? It was my bed itself! It opened up it's big mouth and tried to swallow me and Cheryl! You see, a while back, we were both suffering with achy joints from a mattress that didn't seem to sag where we sagged. So we thought about getting a new one, for a couple of years. We finally decided we wanted a memory foam mattress, but not one that cost $3,395.00. So I found Bravader online. My mother would often add an er to the end of words or names like, Linder, Rhonder, Atlanter, so Bravader, to avoid law suits. I'm sure they are reading this by now. It came in the mail. The mattress came in two layers folded up in long rectangular boxes. Then the box spring came in another rectangular box about 1 foot by 1 foot by 7 feet. I'm glad I learned Geometry because it's very useful. I'm always saying round, triangular, quadrangle and then there's words with double meanings like square and tubular! The box spring folds down. You've heard the saying, "What folds down, must fold up? Well, it took a few months. Our wonderful new mattress was so soft and comfy, but as time when by it got softer. It got so you would sink so far that you couldn't pull yourself out of it. Then one night it tried to eat us. It folded up and I thought we were goners! I stuck my leg out just in time, which kept it from clamping tight and eventually I wedged my way out. Next night things would be different. We went to bed and wished it so. But the same thing happened again. Drat! So I went out and got slats and installed them. Now our soft cushy mattress is rather firm, but reliable. Bytheway, the bed bug came from the old days when beds were just ropes strung out over a frame in grid form. The tighter the ropes, the less likelihood of having bugs. The bugs would get in the mattress, made of straw, or feathers or marshmallows or whatever, so you made sure it didn't touch the floor or walls so bugs couldn't climb aboard. The four bed legs would stand in a can or a jar lid filled with kerosene so the bugs couldn't crawl up. The other warning should have been, don't smoke in bed, not even to roast the marshmallows. Why do they call these "mallows" that anyway? So, the warning was real. I think my mother said it to be funny. Like Amen, Brother Ben, shot a rooster and killed a hen. No idea what that means.
Subtitle: You May Be Right - I May Be Crazy! - Billy Joel
I finally got to listen to Billy Joel. Mostly good - some so-so. Watching "What About Bob", the other night, I heard Bill Murry say, "There are two kinds of people - those who like Neil Diamond and those who don't" He thought he left his wife because she liked Neil Diamond, instead of her leaving him because of his neurotic, OCD behavior! I suspect it might be like that with Billy Joel. He really is a good entertainer, but I always thought he sounded like other people.
Here's a short list:
You May Be Right - Mick Jagger - Rolling Stones
Piano Man - Harry Chapin - sang "Taxi" and better known "The Cats in the Cradle" (He died like the "Big O". Taxi and Piano were out around 1971-72 and were very similiar - never heard Taxi anymore.
Just the way You Are (and others) - Elton John
Uptown Girl - Frankie Valley - Four Seasons
For the Longest Time and So In Love - one of the old Doo-wop groups
Sometimes has a Beatle-ish sound
He's pretty good no matter who he is imitating.
Ramsey Lewis Trio tip for this post: Save money at restaurants by ordering water with lemon and adding sugar from the table. Lemonade. Also, when you pay the bill, pay the amount of the check and leave valuable coupons as tips, like 5 Junior Roast Beef sandwiches for $5 at Harveys. Or, order one pizza and get one of equal size and number of toppings free at Pizza Nut! That way, he can learn to save also. Always park near the door, facing out!
I know you have big plans for MLK day already, but have you thought about Ground Hogs Day. This year it's on a Monday, but you can celebrate on Friday or Saturday. Most people forget this one, I guess because the marketers haven't found a way to get everyone to buy Ground Hog Day cards or chocolates. I don't know why they can't sell little chocolate Ground Hogs and have a Ground Hog Dance. It would be so cool and in the spirit of diversity, I think we should celebrate! Be sure to watch "Ground Hog Day" with Bill Murray. Bytheway, I don't like Bill Murray! I guess that's why he's in two movies I mentioned in the post, that I like. He is obnoxious in both. So there!

Please consider it. I plan to build my retirement around the promotions. Afterall, someone had to invent Valentines Day. Sleep tight and don't let the bed bite!

disclaimer: if you don't understand some of this, read ALL of the earlier posts. You wouldn't start reading a recipe or an algebra book from the middle would you? I wouldn't at all! If after you read the other posts, you still don't understand, try bull running or working for the IRS.

Master of My Universe!.

Hello friends,
I am no longer Master of My Universe! Not that I ever really was. In November I gave control of my mouth to my dentist. I no longer control my mouth. I still control the speaking part of it. Then I went to the Physical D. Sounds like another rap group. I have given over control of one of the most important decision making aspects of my life - my diet! He can now tell me not to stop at McDonalds, or order a loaded potatoe (help me Quayle) at my many frequent haunts. No more cokes! I not only love to drink coca-colas, the real ones, but being an Atlanta native, I pledge allegiance to the king of carbonation! At work, in my cube. I have a collection of coke cans and bottles, that goes back to 1991 wheb the Braves were in their hayday. Forget the Braves, coke stays the same year end and year out. Except that breif time when the evil one persuaded them to vary from the original formula and create New Coke. There was almost a mutiny over that.I believe it was all a ploy to make people crave the old formula even more. Now, 20 years later, we still have Classic Coke. But where is the New Coke - cast, I believe into the lake of fire, with all of the off brands. Now, in my cube, the thirtysomething cans and bottles, that entomb Classic coke are calling to me, imploring me to open just one. How sweet could it be? I'm not caving.
We went to Logan's tonite. The first resturant stop since the dreaded diet. It was pretty good. I had steak, house salad and shewered vegetables. My one indulgence was regular 1000 islands dressing. The vegetables were impaled on a skewer as if the mighty hunter had swooped them off the vine in a violent plunging, stabbing motion and slung them over his back until he reached home and flung them onto the grill, still kicking and screaming. I knew a guy in high school who claimed after ingesting something stronger than coca-cola, that his french fries were screaming as he ate them. It was enough to make him want to quit and me never to start. Not that it was a temptation anyhow. I never liked to smoke anything, never liked pills and was deathly afraid of injections. Fear can be a good thing.
Well, on top of all that, I have enrolled in the Ramsey Lewis Trio financial blessing club. Lest you think I'm making it up, the RLT was the original artist for "The In Crowd", you know, I'm in with the in crowd-I go where the in crowd goes. I had some exciting plans for all of the money I'm not actualy making this year. Usually, if I know some extra money might be coming, I plan about 5 different ways to use it, none of them involving saving or paying down debt. Mr. Ramsey will no doubt say that I should finish paying for the things I bought in previous years with the money I didn't have then. I say forgive and forget! Why do I do these things to myself?! Now I can't eat what I want, buy what I want, and the money I spent at the torture chamber was enough to buy to recliners, which I really need for my health. The cruise would have improved my health too. I wonder if my insurance would cover that? I really wanted those hardwood floors, like in the 50's. Whoever thought wall to wall carpet was cool?! The In Crowd says hardwoods are cool! If I had hardwoods I could look at them and say, my, my! That's worth something! Two vibrating, heated recliners could save us beceaus of money. It's much cheaper than a new sleep number bed, even cheaper that the knock-off sleep letter bed. I could get A's in sleeping! I wouldn't need a chiropracter. I could turn the thermostat down! I believe I just found the money for the cruise! I'm a little sad about the gas prices going down because I was actually saving money. If you go the same route to and from work, school, the mall or whatever, exactly half of the miles are downhill. No matter where you live or where you go! Sooo, you should be able to coast at least half of the miles, and up to 59% when you count momentum. And guess what, the balder your tires, the faster they roll. Just put about 8 more psi of O'bama air in the tires and make one of those trips to the bank and back. So you can withdraw some of the money you're saving. The more you drive, the more you save. Now, when the prices go down, how much can you save? Did you know that the more electricity you use in the summer, the more it costs? And the opposite is true in the winter. (check with your provider) So, use all you want in the summer and don't pay it until winter when the rates go down. Simple. Think outside the box. I have a friend who partakes of some of the finest food by attending weddings. Ever go to a wedding and no one knows who this one guy is? It's my buddy! He doesn't know anyone there and they don't know him, but they're eating, drinking and having a splendid time. He doesn't even have to bring a gift, but if he wants to, on the way out, he just slips an envelope in the grooms pocket. It would be impolite to look. You can travel cheap also. A relative of a relative travels to another state, looks in the local phone book, finds someone with his name, calls them up and next thing you know he has new relatives, accomodations, good company and breakfast! Looking for cheap thrills? Don't blow your money at the amusement park! Just ride the Marta bus! Or find a no tresspassing sign and then tresspass it! You're sure to get more excitement out of this than a chicken on Col Sanders farm!

It might not be so bad, like they say, when life hands you a lemom, make lemon pie! yumm!

God in Rock N Roll

Hi Guys!
This is going to be a little different. I do like rock n roll and I love God, so I'm writing about both. If you like both, or at least one, you might enjoy this. If not, check my next post. It will be different!
HERE GOES!
Ever since I was a teenager, I have been interested in Christian phrases, or God in rock and roll. I‘m not saying that all or any of the writers or performers of this music are or are not Christians. I’m just saying, if you look for it, it is there. Keep in mind, a lot of rock n rollers got their musical roots singing in church choirs. Strange, but true. Brian Wilson (Beach Boys) claimed to write the first rock n roll song with God in the title, “God Only Knows“.
I may not always love you,
But long as there are stars above you,
You never need to doubt it,
I’ll make you so sure about it.
God only knows what I’d be without you

Great song-great album. It was from the album, Pet Sounds. Not deep in theology, but very cool! Brian said it was to be a teenage symphony to God. Paul McCartney loved this album so much he would cry while listening to it. He bought a copy for each of his children and said their music education would not be complete without it.

How about “Jesus Is Just Alright With Me“. I don’t know who wrote this. I am more familiar with the Byrds version, but it seems the Doobie Brothers may have been first. Also it seems like The Flock and probably others covered this song.

Jesus is just alright with me,
Jesus is just alright with me,
Jesus is just alright with me
Jesus is just alright, oh yeah!

I don’t care what they may say,
I don’t care what they may do,
I don’t care what they may say,
Jesus is just alright, oh yeah!

Not heavy lyrics, but I was glad they were willing to identify with Jesus. Now I’m not completely green! I know some of these guys were into drugs and who knows what else. I not taking in their lifestyle, just some of their words.

Then there’s a strange one from Norman Greenbaum. How much more obviously Jewish of a name can you have. I’ve heard this one played by the band in our church. “Spirit in the Sky”. Yep, written and performed by Norman Greenbaum. I read that he did it as a lark. He should have had more larks. It was a 'one hit wonder', written in the early seventies and it’s still played today.

Spirit In The Sky

When I die and they lay me to rest
Gonna go to the place that's the best
When I lay me down to die
Goin' up to the spirit in the sky
Goin' up to the spirit in the sky
That's where I'm gonna go when I die
When I die and they lay me to rest
Gonna go to the place that's the best

Prepare yourself you know it's a must
Gotta have a friend in Jesus
So you know that when you die
He's gonna recommend you
To the spirit in the sky
Gonna recommend you
To the spirit in the sky
That's where you're gonna go when you die
When you die and they lay you to rest
You're gonna go to the place that's the best

Never been a sinner I never sinned
I got a friend in Jesus
So you know that when I die
He's gonna set me up with
The spirit in the sky
Oh set me up with the spirit in the sky
That's where I'm gonna go when I die
When I die and they lay me to rest
I'm gonna go to the place that's the best
Go to the place that's the best

That part about not being a sinner. Maybe not exactly right, but when we trust in Jesus, he takes on our sins, so Gods sees us as if we had never sinned. You decide.

“Last Kiss“ aka “Oh Where Oh Where Can My Baby Be”

Oh where oh where can my baby be?
The Lord took her away from me.
She’s gone to heaven so I’ve got to be good,
So I can see my baby, when I leave this world.

Original hit by Frankie Wilson and the Cavaliers, later covered by Pearl Jam. Go figure! Very far afield. It was another lost my baby in a car wreck thing. Like “Leader of the Pack” and “I Want my Baby Back”. That was my favorite. The young man loses his girl in a car accident. You hear the screeching tires and busting glass. And then he says, “Over there was my baby, and over there was my baby, and wa-ay over there was my baby”. He ends up digging her grave (baby I dig you so much!) and reassembles her and takes her home. No religious influence that I can remember, just weird!

Then there’s George Harrison‘s “All Things Must Pass“ I listened to that as a teenager during the time when I had real questions and fears. It made me think deeper, which was scary. I later accepted Christ as my savior. Not because of the record, but because Jesus died in my place and I finally understood that because He died and arose, I could live forever in heaven one day. I credit Buford Adams, with making that clear to me. Oh Happy Day” I don’t know who first sang that, but the first I heard and still my favorite was Glen Campbell. That’s as close to country as I get.

O happy day,
Oh happy day,
When Jesus washed.
Oh, when He washed,
He washed my sins away!

Also, I saw the Rascals, formerly Young Rascals on u-tube singing a medley of “People Gotta Be Free” and “Oh Happy Day”. The Rascals are still one of my all time favorites. They sang mostly about peace and love. But some songs were churchy sounding with religious themes. Like “Heaven“

Heaven

Sometimes baby when you're really down

It just doesn't seem to be a ray of hope around

And everybody that you meet

Kinda wears a frown

It's cold and lonely in the heart of town

Got to tell you all

There, there's a place that's called heaven

Don't you ever forget

Now once youve heard about heaven, yeah

I'm gonna get there yet

Other songs the Rascals did were “Glory, Glory” and “I Believe”.

Then there’s the Chambers Brothers, “People Get Ready”.

People get ready, there’s a train a comin’
Picking up passengers from coast to coast.
All you need is faith to hear the diesels hummin,
You don’t need no ticket, you just get on board.

I like that. All you need is faith. Jesus bought your ticket!

Okay, back to George Harrison. He sang “My Sweet Lord” to the tune of “One Fine Day” and was sued for plagiarism. He also did “Isn’t It a Pity” and “All Things Must Pass” which are deep and really make you think. And he did one, I thought a little humorous,
I’ll put the disclaimer up front. You don’t get saved by chanting! You get saved by putting your faith in Jesus, who died on the cross to pay for your sins! I hope George got that straight before he left us! Nevertheless, get what you can from this, if only a laugh! I never picked up the line about the pope and GM before.

Awaiting On Us all!

You don't need no love in
You don't need no bed pan
You don't need a horoscope or a microscope
The see the mess that you're in
If you open up your heart
You will know what I mean
We've been polluted so long
Now here's a way for you to get clean

By chanting the names of the Lord and you'll be free
The Lord is awaiting on you all to awaken and see
Chanting the names of the Lord and you'll be free
The Lord is awaiting on you all to awaken and see

You don't need no passport
And you don't need no visas
You don't need to designate or to emigrate
Before you can see Jesus
If you open up your heart
You'll see he's right there
Always was and will be
He'll relieve you of your cares

By chanting the names of the Lord and you'll be free
The Lord is awaiting on you all to awaken and see
Chanting the names of the Lord and you'll be free
The Lord is awaiting on you all to awaken and see

You don't need no church house
And you don't need no Temple
You don't need no rosary beads or them books to read
To see that you have fallen
If you open up your heart
You will know what I mean
We've been kept down so long
Someone's thinking that we're all green

And while the Pope owns 51% of General Motors
And the stock exchange is the only thing he's qualified to quote us
The Lord is awaiting on you all to awaken and see
By chanting the names of the Lord and you'll be free

Don’t be too quick to judge. I think when we hear chanting and meditating we sort of see a red flag. I know meditation is good, not transcendental meditation. As for chanting, sometimes, seldom, but sometimes in the songs we sing in church, we get quite repetitive, as in chanting, or repeating. Bytheway, I capitalized the "Lords" in that song.

Here’s one by “The Youngbloods”. It’s called “Get Together” and it stands alone

Get Together

Love is but the song we sing,
And fear's the way we die
You can make the mountains ring
Or make the angels cry
Know the dove is on the wing
And you need not know why
C'mon people now,
Smile on your brother
Ev'rybody get together
Try and love one another right now
Some will come and some will go
We shall surely pass
When the one that left us here
Returns for us at last
We are but a moments sunlight
Fading in the grass
C'mon people now,
Smile on your brother
Ev'rybody get together
Try and love one another right now
If you hear the song I sing,
You must understand
You hold the key to love and fear
All in your trembling hand
Just one key unlocks them both
It's there at your command
C'mon people now,
Smile on your brother
Ev'rybody get together
Try and love one another right now
Right now
Right now!

And I’ll leave you with The Byrds” “Turn, Turn Turn” written by Solomon, not to be confused with Donovan.

Turn Turn Turn

To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time for every purpose, under heaven

A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep

To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time for every purpose, under heaven

A time to build up,a time to break down
A time to dance, a time to mourn
A time to cast away stones, a time to gather stones together

To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time for every purpose, under heaven

A time of love, a time of hate
A time of war, a time of peace
A time you may embrace, a time to refrain from embracing

To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time for every purpose, under heaven

A time to gain, a time to lose
A time to rend, a time to sew
A time to love, a time to hate
A time for peace, I swear its not too late

Pete Seeger adapted this song from Ecclesiastes, which required very little adapting. One far wiser then he, King Solomon, under the direction of God himself, wrote the words. Pete wrote Turn turn turn turn turn turn etc and I swear it’s not too late.

Hope you enjoyed this. I’ll come up with some more another time. If you think of some, please drop a comment.