Who Wants To Be A MILLIONAIRE? - anyway?

Friends, if you actually know me, you know I'd come closer to being a fridgidaire! But I'm working on it! I'm still taking tips from the Ramsey Lewis Trio Institute of Financial Peas. No, I didn't leave out the "c" or the "e". If you eat peas for breakfast, lunch and supper everyday, you will save $15 per day, per person. So, for a family of four, that's $60 a day, $420 per week, about $22,000 per year! But wait, compund the interest at 35% and you've got $47,900. Put the first year's savings into an emergency fund. Only use that for real disasters, like your friend in Hawaii or Paris, or London comes to an unexpected demise. Remember generosity is the opposite of greed and the tighter you squeeze your portfolio, the more bruised it gets. So go comfort the mourning lamenters. Allow your self some mad money. Money that is yours alone to do with it as you please, without accountability. You arrive at this figure after you have budgeted for utilities, groceries, gasoline, house note, car, house, health, assisted living, life insurance and don't forget insurance that pays your premiums if you get layed off. Oh, I hope I do! Well, I was mad when I found out how much it would be! So now I don't have to tell anyone whether I chose the cherry gumball or the grape one!
One financial genius starts off advising how to make a million, like this. First get a $100,000. Then develope a.....They all assume that you have some money to start with. What if you're like I heard Geraldo Riviera say about the parents of that girl whose daughter was "missing". He said it wasn't for ransom, because they didn't have a pot to pee in. That's journalism at it's finest. Geraldo, that kept screaming during the hurricane, "There's a man in the water, over there! there's a man in the water!" NEWS FLASH! He was a coast guard worker, trying to secure some equipment. Of course, there was the time we waited for 5 months in suspence for the day when Geraldo would open the mysterious vault! Who knew what would be in there? Elvis, Jimmy Hoffa, the Holy Grail! Would you believe, nothing - on national television - nothing! Why didn't they just tape it and if it turned up to be a turnip, they could play lost episodes from My Favorite Martian.
Another financial plan with teeth was the real estate empire that could be built while living in the back of your car. Only problem was, I lived in a house, with a note, a wife, a baby and all the bills I could handle. First thing you do is find a house that's worth $120,000, but they only want $27,000. You get the bank to loan you 90,000, so you can fix it up a little, you know things like plumbing, wiring, sheet rock, framing, roof, cabinets, just the basics. That comes to about $700. You then sell this quickly, still below market for $115,000. You pocket about $80,000. So now, you get a car that runs. And you buy three more such houses. Before long you will tire of all this work and write a book about working out of your car. I'm thinking of writing a book about a man who decides to skip the working part of this and write a book and just go the seminar route with it. It's a thousand pages, give or take a few. I'll be writing more in a week or two. I can make it longer if you like the style or I can change it around, but I want to be a paperback writer.
Purchasing a vehicle. One car that can really save a bundle is the Porche 914. I don't know if they still make them, but when I wore a younger mans clothes, my own, I dreamed of having one. It was the economy model, kind of flat looking. It was a two seater, with the engine in the middle. It looked almost the same coming or going. That's the good part. You don't have to waste gas turning around! Does your odometer turn when you drive in reverse? Don't think so! But you've been backing up, then pulling forward for years. Think of all the miles you drove unrecorded! probably millions! Okay, hundreds. Now think of the time, gas, wear and tear you could save if you just drove backwards to your next destination? How about the little amphibian with the propeller in the back? Instead of sitting in rush hour traffic, you could pull off the road, go down the embankment and enter the Chattahoochee! No traffic jam there. And you could drag a line while you're at it. Perhaps have a fish dinner on the way home. The problem is not that we don't think outside the box. The problem is we don't even think inside the box!! Okay, something a little more practicle. How about a 15 passenger van. Big you say! But you can get it cheap, especially since it don't run. Push it to a new subdivision with a downhill entrance. Paint Buritto Burner on the side. park it in front of a construction site. Be sure to play Tijuana Brass or Baja Marimba Band real loud on the boom box. When they all come out to see the Mexican Buritto Burner, you offer to sell it to them for $200 a piece! That's $3000. Explain that this tootin wagon runs on methane gas. And you'll supply the first round of Burittos! Remind them they must keep the windows up at all times, for optimum performance and it's a city ordinance.
I'm looking forward to a prosperous year. I'm kind of serious about the Ground Hog thing. I believe it would work at least for a while, like the pet rock, only better. If anyone wants to buy part interest in the idea, please let me know.
One last item. Since everyone has something to say about the First, uh Dog, I have my own idea. It's a cross between a Bulldog and a Shitzu. Do the English!

Night, y'all !