Slave Dryer!

Hello fellow slaves!
Do you own that chocolate shake or does it own you? Yeah. My dryer has pushed me around long enough. I'm pushing back! You know when you buy a new house, it's supposed to stay new. Mine started aging before I could move in. It's seven years old. It should be perfect. I'm paying enough! And paying enough! And paying enough! SLAP!! Break the cycle. The brand new stove quit at about one year old. Our fault. We used the self clean cycle. You shouldn't do that. If you have one, just put a piece of tape over the button. Stove mechanic said it would be cheaper to buy a new one. We got an electric with a flat top. If it says flat, it's better! Flat top stove, flat screen TV, flat bellies, flat mortgage, flat tax etc. My friends have lots of cats hanging around their driveway. I affectionately call them flat cats, because, you know. I love my flat top stove so much, that I spend time daily massaging it, scraping stuff off of it, grinding, sanding, chiseling all of the burnt oxidation crud off of it! Okay, the dryer saga. Had a new Amanda Dryer. If you know Amanda Dryer, it's not the same thing. Amanda was only with me a couple of years. But I kept her around, because I knew some day I would breathe life back into her comatose body. My mama had the same dryer most of my childhood. We left it out in the rain and never had to maintain it. It used no gas or electricity and had no belts. It was a solar dryer! We just hung our clothes on it. It was the deluxe model with 4 lines! My dad built it! When Amanda quit, we had a spare, so we used it for a while until it quit. I put a new motor in Amanda and she ran like a top, until her electrodes or elements or something quit. I tried replacing them but to no avail. I didn't want another Amanda so I got a Maepole, the one that never breaks down. Got her home and except for her knobs, Mae looked just like Amanda! It's like the Twilight Zone with Rod Sterling. He didn't look like a Rod. He looked more like a Ted or Phil Sirling. In high school there was a guy we called "Rod the Bod" he wore these cut-off shirts with his flat belly showing, like he was a jock, only he didn't play sports. One of my buddies came as "Rod the Bod" on senior day. It's not the Rod you're thinking of anyway. Another friend and me came as cowboys, back when it wasn't so common and redneck. There was this one guy who drove a pickup. He thought his pick up was so cool. Nobody else dug pick ups back then. I wore black pants, black shirt, black hat, black..well you get it. I made a holster that strapped around my leg, so I didn't have to reach up to my waist to draw and I did carry a cap pistol. I didn't shave for a week, and swaggered down the hallways looking mean! I looked plenty tough! I modeled my character after Lee Marvin as Kid Shaleen, the gunslinger in Cat Balou. Great character! Watch the movie, if you can get over a young Jane Fonda being in it. My friend dressed up in all white. I'm not sure who he was, Truman Capote? Just kidding! He was the good guy, I guess.It was a fun day. To give you an idea what the class of "71 at Forest Park High School was like, our predecessors, class of '70 had "We've Only Just Begun" (as in The Carpenters) for their class motto. We had "Born to be Wild" (Steppenwolf). Fade out-fade in. Back to the dryer saga. Our house, is a very, very,very fine house, with two cats in the yard, life used to be so hard. Now everything is easy cause of you (Crosby, Stills, Nash, Young). Pardon, I have to throw in a song lyric now and then to keep the musically reclined interested. Our house has a high roof. Ever see a house with a high roof and walk inside to find only a moderately high ceiling. Oh, well there must be a second floor. No stairs. You look in the attic - nothing but 2X4 braces, insulation and air! $297,000 for a huge house with only 820 square feet! What's that all about, Alfie? Well sir, my house does have high ceilings and I have the gas and electric bills to prove it! Point being is, in his infinite wisdom, the builder runs the dryer vent up through the roof, which is about 35 feet up. We were having to dry clothes for about 2 days! And then ring them out before wearing. I fixed that the same way I fixed my '73 Gold Duster! When it couldn't make it down town without running hot, I figured the smog canister thing. must be clogged. Rather than buy a new one, I discarded the old one, replaced it with a Hi-C can and stuffed paper towels inside. It didn't make much difference, but at least I scored a blow against the establishment. What goes up, should go down! I cut a hole in the floor of my laundry room (read closet) and ran the hose through the floor and into the basement. Messy you say. I'm no hayseed! I don't really know who is, but not me! I got a large cardboard box, about 2 feet cubed. If you don't know what that means, just remember big. I ran the flexible tubing into the box. I taped up the openings to the box to seal it and cut a square hole into it's skin. I stapled a piece of window screening over the hole and it worked great. For a couple of years. Well yeah, it does make the basement more damp and moldy and it might be why my wife seems to have this alergic cough, especially at night and our bedroom is over the downstairs lint dust collection module. My LDCM was overloaded. Now, the "not drying our clothes" thing has started again. Time to clean out the LDCM. But this time, I'm running about 215 feet of rigid pipe under the overhead joists and fixing a hole where the rain came in, and stopped my mind from wandering, where I should go-o. Whoops, those were lyrics again (Beatles). Sorry. I will have to cut a hole through the brick, which I paid dearly to have installed without holes or cracks. I will connect the rigid pipe to the vent I bought and once again, I will be free, free, free at last!!! I know what it means to be enslaved. I feel the pain of the oppressed! But I soon will be free. Then there's the dead bolt locks that the builder didn't install. They built a house with 39,000 bricks (see, I did learn from the three pigs), wired it for security and installed steel covered entry doors. Why did they install locks that a nine year old can break through. I know what you're thinking, but there's nothing in here that would be worth breaking in for. Some of it will turn up at the thrift store and you can purchase it inexpensively there. Just be patient!
This is probably way more than you wanted to know, but it's just the tip of the iceberg! Buy things that have been tested. I'm buying an ipod some day, after the next thing or two is invented so the price comes down. The next thing will be a chip implanted in your head, that plays internally. No earpiece or roach thing, whatever that thing is that goes on your ear. It will be straight wired to your brain. Then when you say this is the soundtrack to my life, it will be true.

It' getting late. There's so much to write and so little worth writing, so good night my love, pleasant dreams, sleep tight my love, may your tomorrow be sunny and bright and bring you closer to me (Fleetwoods). (not Mac)

disclaimer: if you don't understand some of this, read ALL of the earlier posts. You wouldn't start reading a recipe or an algebra book from the middle would you? I wouldn't at all! If after you read the other posts, you still don't understand, try bull running or working for the IRS.