Master of My Universe!.

Hello friends,
I am no longer Master of My Universe! Not that I ever really was. In November I gave control of my mouth to my dentist. I no longer control my mouth. I still control the speaking part of it. Then I went to the Physical D. Sounds like another rap group. I have given over control of one of the most important decision making aspects of my life - my diet! He can now tell me not to stop at McDonalds, or order a loaded potatoe (help me Quayle) at my many frequent haunts. No more cokes! I not only love to drink coca-colas, the real ones, but being an Atlanta native, I pledge allegiance to the king of carbonation! At work, in my cube. I have a collection of coke cans and bottles, that goes back to 1991 wheb the Braves were in their hayday. Forget the Braves, coke stays the same year end and year out. Except that breif time when the evil one persuaded them to vary from the original formula and create New Coke. There was almost a mutiny over that.I believe it was all a ploy to make people crave the old formula even more. Now, 20 years later, we still have Classic Coke. But where is the New Coke - cast, I believe into the lake of fire, with all of the off brands. Now, in my cube, the thirtysomething cans and bottles, that entomb Classic coke are calling to me, imploring me to open just one. How sweet could it be? I'm not caving.
We went to Logan's tonite. The first resturant stop since the dreaded diet. It was pretty good. I had steak, house salad and shewered vegetables. My one indulgence was regular 1000 islands dressing. The vegetables were impaled on a skewer as if the mighty hunter had swooped them off the vine in a violent plunging, stabbing motion and slung them over his back until he reached home and flung them onto the grill, still kicking and screaming. I knew a guy in high school who claimed after ingesting something stronger than coca-cola, that his french fries were screaming as he ate them. It was enough to make him want to quit and me never to start. Not that it was a temptation anyhow. I never liked to smoke anything, never liked pills and was deathly afraid of injections. Fear can be a good thing.
Well, on top of all that, I have enrolled in the Ramsey Lewis Trio financial blessing club. Lest you think I'm making it up, the RLT was the original artist for "The In Crowd", you know, I'm in with the in crowd-I go where the in crowd goes. I had some exciting plans for all of the money I'm not actualy making this year. Usually, if I know some extra money might be coming, I plan about 5 different ways to use it, none of them involving saving or paying down debt. Mr. Ramsey will no doubt say that I should finish paying for the things I bought in previous years with the money I didn't have then. I say forgive and forget! Why do I do these things to myself?! Now I can't eat what I want, buy what I want, and the money I spent at the torture chamber was enough to buy to recliners, which I really need for my health. The cruise would have improved my health too. I wonder if my insurance would cover that? I really wanted those hardwood floors, like in the 50's. Whoever thought wall to wall carpet was cool?! The In Crowd says hardwoods are cool! If I had hardwoods I could look at them and say, my, my! That's worth something! Two vibrating, heated recliners could save us beceaus of money. It's much cheaper than a new sleep number bed, even cheaper that the knock-off sleep letter bed. I could get A's in sleeping! I wouldn't need a chiropracter. I could turn the thermostat down! I believe I just found the money for the cruise! I'm a little sad about the gas prices going down because I was actually saving money. If you go the same route to and from work, school, the mall or whatever, exactly half of the miles are downhill. No matter where you live or where you go! Sooo, you should be able to coast at least half of the miles, and up to 59% when you count momentum. And guess what, the balder your tires, the faster they roll. Just put about 8 more psi of O'bama air in the tires and make one of those trips to the bank and back. So you can withdraw some of the money you're saving. The more you drive, the more you save. Now, when the prices go down, how much can you save? Did you know that the more electricity you use in the summer, the more it costs? And the opposite is true in the winter. (check with your provider) So, use all you want in the summer and don't pay it until winter when the rates go down. Simple. Think outside the box. I have a friend who partakes of some of the finest food by attending weddings. Ever go to a wedding and no one knows who this one guy is? It's my buddy! He doesn't know anyone there and they don't know him, but they're eating, drinking and having a splendid time. He doesn't even have to bring a gift, but if he wants to, on the way out, he just slips an envelope in the grooms pocket. It would be impolite to look. You can travel cheap also. A relative of a relative travels to another state, looks in the local phone book, finds someone with his name, calls them up and next thing you know he has new relatives, accomodations, good company and breakfast! Looking for cheap thrills? Don't blow your money at the amusement park! Just ride the Marta bus! Or find a no tresspassing sign and then tresspass it! You're sure to get more excitement out of this than a chicken on Col Sanders farm!

It might not be so bad, like they say, when life hands you a lemom, make lemon pie! yumm!