Slow Bruce - A Christmas Tree Saga

Hi guys!
I mentioned my Christmas Tree that we practically stole for $35. I wondered what could be wrong with a tree that's 10 feet tall, 6 feet wide, smells great, has a straight trunk and even has a firm top on which to attach our heavy star. As Elwood P. Dowd would say, it's a little spiffed! It can't stand up straight. I named my tree because when he falls, it's in slow motion. You can see him begin to fall from across the room and then just like OJ in the UPS commercial, sprinting thru the airport, jumping turnstiles you can get there in time to catch him. His name is Bruce, Slow Bruce! Try that line on the chicks. I call him Slow Bruce-Blue Spruce. He fell over, with all of the lights wound around his waist 20 times. And all of those ornaments. What a mess. Of course the three gallons of water all spilled out too. Aaron and I got him stood back up. About an hour later, I had all the lights back up.

Undie Regulation:
This is not about the guys that wear their levi's at half mast. I'm talking about regulation as in with utilities. At first we regulated them. Then some Einstein got the idea that we should deregulate them and let free enterprise do it's thing. We did that with the gas companies and they all got together and decided to follow congress and just agree on a raise for everyone. All of the Gas Guys. So now they collectively gouge us. I am ready to underegulate them! That's what I meant. You know they charge for your space in the pipeline. How about milk? Do I have to pay for my space in the udder? Because this is udderly rediculous! Saw it coming. I know. I'm sorry. Do we pay for our space in the um - where eggs come from? And who ever was the first one to decide that we should eat something that comes out of a chickens' kazooer? Wish I could think of something like that. Guess I was born at the wrong time. Of course, I would have been dead by now, so. I'm glad I was born when I was. If I had been born later, it would have been difficult for my mother. I was born the same year as the Corvette. That should tell you something. My transmission is slipping, my valves are worn and the seat is in pretty rough shape too! I once had an eye problem. I went to a opthamologist, fireman, general practise, neurologist and finally a neuro-opthamologist. They finally said that I am a classic! That made me feel swell! They took about a gallon of blood to use for future testing and said don't call us - we'll call you - if we find a cure. There probably isn't one unless they take off my head and put on another one that has better eyes and maybe straighter teeth. My drivers license is good until 2017 so hopefully they'll come up with something by then.

I'm going back to the dentist tomorrow for Torture Part II. Guess I'll see the Gas Man again. It seems everywhere I go I am confronted with gas. Perhaps, I'll start a new series entitled "Gas- our friend". It really is. If you could not have gas, you would explode. We need gas for heating, running our cars, anesticizing our mouth at the denist and for whoopee cushions..Yes, gas is our friend. By the way, you may have heard that cow flatulance is more responsible for the ozone problems than motor cars and electric power plants. So when you eat a burger, you are supporting global warming. But hey, it's winter and I think we could use some warming. They say a cold winter ensures a smaller bug population. I have never seen a smaller bug population.

Have a nice evening - may visions of sugar plums dance in your heads! but only if they take thier shoes off.