Salmon!

Hello you,
assuming there might be a "you" by now. I cooked salmon patties last night. For you northerners, that's pronounced sam'on. Rhymes with famine. Please learn to spell early on, 'cause it won't make any better sense later anyway. I only left out one thing, the bread. It was still pretty good. Nothing real interesting happened today so this could be short. Mind you when someone says "long story short", might as well get the coke and popcorn cause it's gonna be a long time till intermission..
You know it's time to lose weight when;
....you have to buy blue jeans an inch too long bc size 40 don't come that short.
....when your scrubs are tight..(stole that one)
...whn you buy an economy car (gas sipper) and have to run along outside.
...when your memory foam mattress forgets to decompress.
...when the automatic faucet on both sides of you come on in the restroom.

I'll let you off easy tonite. After all it's Thanksgiving and I've got lots of things to do. I haven't eaten yet. It does bother me when people say happy holiday. At work, we had a fall feast. Might as well call it Stuffagut Day. Valentines Day will always be Valentines Day and Labor Day will never change, but if it's a Christian holiday, let's just forget why we ever established it to begin with and call it something else. Next time somebody says happy holiday, I'm going to say "Nuts to you!"
Why don't you do the same? Good night.