Okeedontknowfenokee Swamp!

Hello friendly friends!
One of the things I like to do is eat. Another is travel. So I decided to combine the two. Once I tried traveling without eating and it didn't work so well. So now I eat and travel. Sometimes I eat and travail! This time my dear wife invited me along for one of her business trips, to Albany, pronounced All-Benny. I asked her what was there in Albany, that I might like to see and she said nothing. No, I don't mean she didn't say anything. I mean she said 'nothing'. So, I said, I'll go. I've never seen a town with nothing, so it should be fun! She also wanted to get a GPS. I agreed that might be fine for her, but I had my pipes rodded last year! She assured me it was not that kind of GPS. This one would holler out directions as you drive down the road. You know how I have this thing about turning over parts of my life. Well now this British Veronica, person is telling me where to go! Once or twice, I wanted to tell her where... She tells me when I am approaching a turn. She says 70 ft, 60 ft, 50 ft, 40 ft, 30 ft, ..WALTER!! You missed the turn! For that I'm sending you around the block - the hard way! I know it's hard work, sitting there in her cubicle, telling stupid people directions, but have a little patience! Please! Now I want the good ole boy version when it comes out. Ok bubba, rite there where that red truck is, is where you gonna hang a left. Awe, you missed it, but thats awrite, jist turn around and we'll try her agin. I quickly found out that Veronica is not always right. She took me to the Redneck Ritts. I think she listens to your voice and then decides where you should go. The Ritts is nice. It has a pawn shop off from the lobby, so if you can't pay the bill, just pawn something. Every suite has indoor plumbing. It's quite simple. The inhouse-outhouses have a hole in the floor in the middle of the #1#2 room where you apply simple math. It's quite ingenious. Of course the suites on the bottom floor are not sweet suites. No chocolate truffles here. they just put a Ritts cracker with some peanut butter or jelly on it, on top of your pillow. Don't forget and lay your head down there, or you'll wake up with a cat licking you rear. Excuse me, that should be 'your ear'! There is a free cat with every room. Their job is to eat the mice. They're union cats, so better let them, do it. The showers are very planet friendly. Because you have to plan it whenever the tenant on the top floor takes his/her shower. There's a open-top retention tank on top of the building. Reminds me of when Billie-Jo, Bobbie-Jo and Betty-Jo went swimming in the water tower at Petticoat Junction. If you know which is which, you are a triple-nerd from way back! Anyhow baths are free in the rainy season. The shower floors are perforated, so when the person in the penthouse takes his/her shower. the people directly underneath, may take their showers also. Kind of like being a downstream neighbor. The opposite applies for the inhouse/outhouse. Make sure no one is matriculating on the floors above. We had cat food for breakfast and I'm not talking about food for cats. I'm talking about cats for food! I know because one of them was a calico.
Anyway, that was Albany. It was a great trip! I can honestly tell you that each experience was better than the next! The three of us, Cheryl, Veronica and me moved on to the next venue. Oh, by the way, if you get one of these things, leave it in the car. It's bad enough having Veronica direct your every move in the car, but in the motel room it was just insane. Well jist never you mind about that. About 40 miles down the road we approach this town called Ty Ty.
Strange but Absolutely True: I got this from a government website and copied and pasted it. Here is where the name of this town originated. The county's courthouse was constructed in 1912. TyTy was named for the trees lining the banks of a nearby creek: the Ironwood (white titi) and Buckwheat (black titi) trees. Don't ask me how to pronounce it. I would guess tie-tie. The website is: http://tiftcounty.georgia.gov/03/home/0,2230,8616906,00.html. Honest Injun! It's an interesting town for all of the business there. Let's see, The Ty Ty Thai Cuisine, the Ty Ty Tie One On Bar and Grill, the Ty Ty High Tri Hi Y,Ty Ty HiFi Buys and Mary Ty Ty Tyler Moore's Beauty School. Could you imagine calling Ty Ty Tylers Toyota? Hello, this is "Ty Ty Tylers Toyota". "You heard me! I don't ststststutter!! We stopped at the Exxon station and got a Ty Ty Tiger in our ta-ta- tank!
I don't have Ty Ty Tyme, Whoa! Slap me! I don't have time to tell about the Okeedontknowfenokee Swamp. It's an interesting story about the Okee Injuns and the Fenokee Injuns. You see, Injuns was all over Georgia back in the 1600's when I was a little shaver. They learned us how to hunt and fish and grow stuff and have wild parties. They actually started UGA, only they jist called it UG. Once we learnt everthang we could from them, we started running them off, further and further south. They eventually ended up in the swamp. They figgered no one would want that land and they could stay there forever. Only problem wuz thar wuz two tribes, the Okees and the Fenokees and they didn't cotton to one another at all. Now that swamp wuz full of alligators, snakes, bobcats, bears and all manner of insects. But these injuns weren't about to be outdone. They sloshed thru the swamp with hatchets and knives cutting the heads of anything that bites! The Okees became great hunters and tanners. They made alligator furs. Yep, you don't see them anymore, 'cause they all got kilt. They made purses with fur on the inside and leather on the outside. The Fenokees became great masters of Injun Cuisine. They made Turtle Soup, Alligator Steaks, Bear-Cat Stew, Otter Tots and my favorite Snake-Dogs. But they were stubborn. Neither tribe would except the other. The Okees would smear Otter dung on their skin to repel insects which also repelled the Fenokees. The Fenokees would part their hair on the left which made them appear to be right brained sissies which the Okees couldn't stand. Arbitrators would try to settle the differences, but with arms folded they would proclaim Okee don't know Fenokee. Finally winter set in and they realized that half were hungry and half were naked. So they got together and ate a feast and put on clothes or the other way around. From then on they lived as one. only some called them selves Okee-Fenokee and some say Fenokee-Okee. After many years of counseling they finally learned to say that they were all Okie-dokie! Of course white man inevitably caught on to the swamp charm and ran them off from there too! Does anyone ever say evitably, or is it always inevitably. It's kind of like irregardless. Regardless, means without regard, so irregardless means, not without regard. You could simply say with regard to etc. I guess you could say someone is not unattractive, when you can't quite bring yourself to actually say she is attractive. Which just goes to show, "It's not what you say, it's "What You Don't Say" from the once popular TV game show. Anyway, I beleive they migrated to Pittsburgh. Probably no one would want to dispossess the Okee Dokees from there! W. C. Fields once said "When I die, I'll probably go to hell or Pittsburgh, makes little difference!' By the way, some of the New York Injuns moved there from Buffaloe and Syracuse with their nasal accent and started calling them donkees, which eventually became the democratic party, which is still a little wild!

So much for the history lesson. Perhaps next time I'll fill you in on the modern day goings on in swamp land!

Ty Ty for now..suite dreams!

One is as one does - Waldo