There's a Vent in my Base-Ment

Hello friends.
Hope you like Dr. Seuss. He is one of my favorite authors. When I was young like 2nd-3rd grade, my favorite book was Big Red. When my teacher made me check out a library book, I always picked Big Red. It was pretty adventurous compared to Dick, Sally, Jane and Spot, although I liked those too. One year I read the whole Dick, Sally and Jane book during the summer and they didn't know what to do with me the next year at school, so I had my own reading group. She finally made me join the others. When I got a little older I began gravitating to Dr Seuss. He's very cool! My saga with installing the new dryer vent in my basement made me think of him.
There's a dryer vent with a higher bent that goes through the roof and into my attic. It pops out the ceiling and there it is squealing and spitting out lint, you can see if you squint. But some of the lint would not take the hint and hung on to the grille at the top. So when clogged beyond clogdom, the clothes it would seem, would be less like dried than like steamed!
Well something had to be done and right now and right fast with a hammer and tape and some ziberdy-zast!
Okay, I'm no Dr. Seuss! I guess it takes about 12 years of higher learning to do what he did. Don't you love how when he couldn't think of a rhyme, he just made up a word? That's cool!
This job should be so simple, but nothing in this world is that simple! First you have to assess the project. That's about 75% of the job! Then you must shop for materials. Another 30%. I go to Gnome Depot and pick up a few things, but most of it is cheap stuff like pig 1 and pig 2 would use. Then I went to Flowes to see what they had. I was looking for long sections of rigid pipe. Well it doesn't exist. You can buy long flat sheets of metal and then fold it into pipe. Like, tubular man! So I buy all they have. Two. I have to go to the other Flowes to get three more. You must lay these down on the carpet, while watching Clint Eastwood. Feel lucky? Well, do ya punk? Rolling these five foot sections of sheet metal into pipe is like, like... doing something really hard. Did you fall asleep reading this? If you did, it's ok, cause I fell asleep writing it! A snore woke me up! The sheet metal edges are very sharp and you run the risk of cutting your hands to bits and pieces, bits and pieces, Since you left me and you said goodbye, I'm in pieces, bits and pieces, All I do is sit and cry! (Dave Clark Five). The reason for your risk, is that the store can stock this stuff more conveniently, thereby shifting the risk of assembly to you. You know you can't spell assembly without- well I always feel like one whenever I try it! My hats off to the sheet metal workers! Brave workers! After rolling these pipes, you must connect them and then seal with duck tape. I got the real kind like the experts suggested. It's chrome plated and has a paper backing to keep it from sticking to itself. I bought this because my old lifetime supply of duck tape can never be found. I see it almost everyday when I'm looking for other things that can't be found. I bet my wife a dollar to a dime that I would find the old duck tape, after I made the trip for new. I was right. When I claim stupidity, it's always a safe bet. I ended up abandoning the high-bred duck tape and using the old standard. The rule with duck tape is use the amount your dad would use and then repeat, twice! It always works. Once I lost one of the kids doing that, but we had several others. So then the task of lifting this monstrosity into place. I strapped everything into place with those plastic wire wrap things. I love those! Don't ever put one around your neck though! You have to snake that pipe around studs, through doorways, around light fixtures, through rafters and between wiring. One innovative idea I had was to wrap electrical wiring around and around and around the pipe in a tight coil for an electromagnetic effect. That should cause the electron charged lint and air to move more rapidly through the pipe! Now if you want to stand outside, you can dry your hair with this thing while doing the laundry!.
It was sad to see the old Lint Dust Collection Module (LDCM) go. Remember the box where all of the lint used to go? I opened it up. There was enough lint in there to knit sweaters for the King Family. No, not the MLKing family. There used to be this singing family of about 45 aunts, cousins, uncles, sisters, brothers etc that sang these corny tv specials. Every one of them had blond hair. I guess if they had a brunette or red headed baby, they just donated it to the orphanage. And there were an assortment of little expired mammals and 37 pairs of mismatched socks! I always thought fluffy had been lost in the woods. Remember to keep your dryer door closed at all times. Next time I buy a house, I'm making sure the laundry room is on an exterior wall!

Some day, in my spare time, I'll write a "How Not To"' book. They say write about the things you know best and that's my specialty!

I hope you sleep well tonite and dream dreams that challenge realty!